Drugs are a part of me but i have a serious illness and would be going against advice

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I really don't want to give them up.

I was in the hospital for a long time for psychological reasons. I was told not to smoke weed or it could exacerbate my psychotic illness. I did twice and sense that it both helps and hurts me; weird until its realized that THC and CBD(?) have the potential to cause and inhibit psychosis, respectively. Is it really bad?

I was told I could have two beers but I'm sure my GABA receptors are damaged from prior alcohol abuse (six months every day five years ago and drinking a lot four times a week a year ago for six months); can I handle the beer? I can't even have Kava without withdrawal.

Coffee only goes so far.

Stimulants and Opiates are out of the question.

I keep trying to rationalize using alcohol.

Help.

If I had good friends I wouldn't use drugs but I scared all of them away by being an elitist dick. I'm trying to build good relationships now but it takes time.

 

[trees_please]

It seems like time can be your best friend in this case. the psychosis, substance usage, etc. are seemingly correlated. do you mind me asking, were you in a psychiatric hospital or medical? relationships are essential to anyones wellbeing. I mean, if your patterns of drug use have superseded genuine interpersonal relationships (i know ive drifted down that road), it can often promote mental instabilities that manifest in the form of psychosis.

 

[MidwestCaveman]

o chi, thanks for posting. some of us just are not meant to use drugs like we do. I have the same illness as you. As a matter of fact I have been trying to sum up my use like you just did for years. I have a hard time finding the right words. What you just typed makes me jealous, as I have been trying for years to put it on paper.
If I didnt know any better I would think you were typing my thoughts.
ive burned every friend bridge to the ground.
I have 200contacts in my phone and I honestly can say none of them are real friends. I to feel like drugs are all ive got. But deep down we both know thats not the case.
Its more like we cant find a friend to get down like we do 24/7.
Living like that is not for everyone, most people need breaks.
We just go until we pass out, or run out of drugs. Than its on to the next day, next drug.
Ive been 90% drug free for a few years and its TOUGH, anytime I stop being productive I find
my self wanting to use something, anything. for me as long as I have my day planned out
where there is no downtime im good. As soon as I get bored im back to thinking about
drugs. its a vicious cycle. I know im not a reasonable user, and finding someone to use on
my level aint gonna happen.
I really think if you wanna stop using one of the biggest things is time management.
Boredem is what kept me using.
Look into old hobbies, new ones, sports, work, whatever it takes.
Good luck buddy.

 

[Pagey]

I think maybe you should focus on the fact that ultimately, illness or not, the odds of drugs doing you more harm than good are immensely high. If this is an incentive to cut down or entirely stop the drug use, I think you should see it as something that would have to be done eventually anyway - but is just coming sooner, and therefore there will be less time for drugs to harm you beyond repair.

 

[herbavore]

The one thing that changed my relationships for the better was realizing that I was operating out of need. I needed things from other people to make me feel good. I realized that A) that is what other people needed from me as well and B) I could change the need to simply a want. If you try your hardest to make other people feel valued and appreciated and comfortable, you end up getting all that returned. To have friends, be a friend. Be the kind of friend you need to someone else. It automatically comes back to you. (I know that there are people who are simply takers so it doesn't work every time but in general it holds true).

When all is said and done, relationships with others is what makes life worth living. The irony is that until we develop a good relationship with ourselves we can't find satisfaction in relationships with others. It needn't be discouraging, though. It is a life-long process. Patience and acceptance become very helpful qualities to develop.

 

[privatestock1988]

im the same way i get so bored and just wanna smoke some damn weed. Or i just drink until i get a decent buzz on just to help pass boredom.

 

[xxsicknessxx]

only thing I can tell you is don't count on the urge to ever go away. I still think of drinking even after 9months or so of not or longer im not sure...

It doesn't go away so you gotta find something else to satisfy that urge else sooner or later you will break. (maybe a med from the doctor a anti depressent or working out might help you feel good enough not to drink)

dunno

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

It seems like time can be your best friend in this case. the psychosis, substance usage, etc. are seemingly correlated. do you mind me asking, were you in a psychiatric hospital or medical? relationships are essential to anyones wellbeing. I mean, if your patterns of drug use have superseded genuine interpersonal relationships (i know ive drifted down that road), it can often promote mental instabilities that manifest in the form of psychosis.

Yeah I just need to wait this out. It was for psychiatric reasons. I was doing so well in there too. Grrr! They definitely had/have.

o chi, thanks for posting. some of us just are not meant to use drugs like we do. I have the same illness as you. As a matter of fact I have been trying to sum up my use like you just did for years. I have a hard time finding the right words. What you just typed makes me jealous, as I have been trying for years to put it on paper.
If I didnt know any better I would think you were typing my thoughts.
ive burned every friend bridge to the ground.
I have 200contacts in my phone and I honestly can say none of them are real friends. I to feel like drugs are all ive got. But deep down we both know thats not the case.
Its more like we cant find a friend to get down like we do 24/7.
Living like that is not for everyone, most people need breaks.
We just go until we pass out, or run out of drugs. Than its on to the next day, next drug.
Ive been 90% drug free for a few years and its TOUGH, anytime I stop being productive I find
my self wanting to use something, anything. for me as long as I have my day planned out
where there is no downtime im good. As soon as I get bored im back to thinking about
drugs. its a vicious cycle. I know im not a reasonable user, and finding someone to use on
my level aint gonna happen.
I really think if you wanna stop using one of the biggest things is time management.
Boredem is what kept me using.
Look into old hobbies, new ones, sports, work, whatever it takes.
Good luck buddy.

Thank you. I take that jealousy as a compliment. It makes me feel like I've gotten somewhere. No downtime, that's a good one. That is actually how I was able to quit the booze.

I think maybe you should focus on the fact that ultimately, illness or not, the odds of drugs doing you more harm than good are immensely high. If this is an incentive to cut down or entirely stop the drug use, I think you should see it as something that would have to be done eventually anyway - but is just coming sooner, and therefore there will be less time for drugs to harm you beyond repair.

Awesome. So this inevitable end is just being taken on sooner rather than later to my benefit.

The one thing that changed my relationships for the better was realizing that I was operating out of need. I needed things from other people to make me feel good. I realized that A) that is what other people needed from me as well and B) I could change the need to simply a want. If you try your hardest to make other people feel valued and appreciated and comfortable, you end up getting all that returned. To have friends, be a friend. Be the kind of friend you need to someone else. It automatically comes back to you. (I know that there are people who are simply takers so it doesn't work every time but in general it holds true).

When all is said and done, relationships with others is what makes life worth living. The irony is that until we develop a good relationship with ourselves we can't find satisfaction in relationships with others. It needn't be discouraging, though. It is a life-long process. Patience and acceptance become very helpful qualities to develop.

Yes! I've noticed the friend dynamic. I'm trying really hard to play that way but I find people still treating me like how I used to act. Its quite frustrating. Relationships totally is what makes life worth it. Totally. Thanks.

im the same way i get so bored and just wanna smoke some damn weed. Or i just drink until i get a decent buzz on just to help pass boredom.

Thanks dude. Boredom is a huge component I recognize.

Now to put all of this in action, not just wear the happy face but actually feel it. I think heavy meditation might be what I need. I wish I could read more. I have to go to school soon. Argg.


And...noted, sickness. Thanks.

 

[xxsicknessxx]

If you have something like school throw your self into it, spend all your time on it and excel. It will kill that blank time where you used to drink. It really helps I used to throw my self at work I find that as soon as I wasn't working the urge to drink came back 10fold. Which sucks, having nothing to do all time eats at you.

Working out helps too though I don't do that because its hard when you are with out a car. dunno good luck though. Remember also drinking will lead you down the same road every time. it won't change. Same road, same ending. Jail, death, or the mental ward.