Having nightmares on heroin (literally in your sleep).
Anyone else also experience this from time to time? I feel like sometimes I have the most god awful nightmares while I'm in a deep sleep after doing some H, I have vague memories of them but I remember them being god awful, I think involving things like my family and death, to the point that when I wake up I feel horrible.
I know if you're an addict you might sometimes feel like a shot of heroin is the end all be all of all your problems while you're high, but I think there's more to it than that, though it makes me feel numb I've still felt times where I've absolutely felt miserable even while on the drug. I'm pretty sober now but I sort of feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't when it comes to heroin. I think this shitty feeling happens moreso when you're like a month into a habit and you're beginning to not feel as high anymore. Then you've also got the heroin side effects like loss of libido and and feeling like your life is just a blur.
I don't know... it's been kind of a dilemma for me, I'm on the brink of the possibility of having employment that can not only support my habit, but have it delivered to me in large quantities so I don't have to deal with police or anything, and still maintain a normal life with enough money left over to put into a savings account. I've definitely felt like I can be more relaxed and social and whatnot while on heroin, I remember shooting up in the bathrooms of some keg parties before, and mixed with booze remaining awake and coherent and very sociable. I feel that heroin kind of empowered me in a way by taking away any possibility of my feelings being hurt while I'm on it, thus allowing me to look a things VERY objectively where emotions or worry over what the person in front of me is thinking may have clouded my judgement had I been sober. Mixed with a little booze I feel the ladies liked this kind of confidence... but then it begs the question of what kind of respectable woman would still like me if she knew I was a heroin addict, and in my experience any girl that actually did like me would start crying and go into tears after finding this fact about me...
Also after experiencing pretty much a year of not doing dope regularly, I'm kind of convinced that the thoughts of doing dope are going to be in the back of my mind for probably the rest of my life, with various intensities depending on my situation in life.
Sometimes I wonder if after being married, having kids, and raising them to be old enough to send them to college I'll have fulfilled all my responsibilities in life and live out the rest of my days in old age doing heroin, hah.
I guess I kinda went off into a bit of a rant, but I'd like to hear other people's experiences with the nightmares while sleeping.
Feel free to comment on anything else I wrote too, that would be cool!