Hey- someone PMed me asking for more details, but I am unable to return PMs until I reach bluelighter status (no idea how to do that), so I'll just post my response here, as this was the thread referenced.
XXXXXXX said:
Hey caltrain, I read your post in the dark side about being either an addict or a depressive and I would love to hear more about how you learned to deal with your personal problems and find solutions to these problems.
I've become more and more concerned with my use lately and I've been having "moments of clarity" where I realize everything I've been doing lately is getting high, mostly on opiates and recently mephedrone. At the worst/best of these moments, I realize that I've been hurting the people I love. It is because of this that I need to reevaluate my life, stop using and learn to deal with my problems.
So, how'd you do it?
Hey XXXXXXX!
All it took to recover from my active addiction were several simple steps. The first step for me was admitting defeat and unmanageability over drugs. My experience had proven time and time again that I could not control my using, and my life was becoming progressively worse. Being convinced that my hedonistic temperament was slowly killing me, I looked toward the experience of others who had recovered, and found hope. So long as I was willing to believe recovery is possible and that there is another way of living beside doing what feels good right away, I knew I could recover just as others had. I then made a decision to follow suggestions from others and start doing the work it takes to recover; doing what I know I
should be doing rather than what I
want to do. This meant facing a lot of my fears, with complete faith that so long as I did the work, everything would be alright.
Next I took an honest look at my life, examining the anger I had toward others, toward society and institutions, and toward principles such as greed. It had become quite clear that I was unable to do much of anything about many resentments I had, all I could do was accept that things were the way they were, and move on. I was no longer a victim of life. Instead, I was able to see clearly where I had been responsible, which is wonderful, because I'm able to change things
I'm responsible for. I then examined my fears, focusing on the futility of them, followed by an examination of my (very limited) conduct in sexual/romantic relationships, because sex is a natural, integral aspect of human nature. Next I wrote a sexual ideal, something to work toward. I then listed my attributes.
Since I had made the decision to do whatever it took to recover and follow suggestions, I shared my whole life story; the good and the bad with a recovered addict who I felt I could trust. This process formalized the decision I had made to do what I was supposed to do instead of what I want to do. Every person has a different idea of what they
should be doing with their lives. Sharing my story with another individual helped me to shape what I should be doing closely to what
we should be doing, as addicts, to recover from addiction. Being aware of the aspects of my character that were holding me back, I became willing to discard the behaviors in my life that weren't working for me, and focus my attributes toward doing what I am
supposed to be doing, rather than what I want to do. For example, if I were using my creativity to figure out how to get drugs and get high, I instead focused my creativity on something that would be more beneficial to me in the long term;
using this power to do what I should be doing, rather than what feels good right now. I shared with the addict that had recovered that I was ready to get rid of my unhelpful behaviors and focus my useful behaviors toward recovering from my addiction.
I then wrote down all the people or institutions I had harmed in the past and prepared to make up for the past as I can. When all the harm was down on paper, I no longer had to have it on my mind. I went out and made right all this shit I had done in my past and felt bad about. It was really eating me up. I was careful not to cause more harm in doing so. I am still working to make up up for the damage I caused in the past. Each time I am able to clear something up a weight is lifted off of me.
The next few steps are those I do every day to keep from slipping back into active addiction. I examine my day at night, evaluating whether or not I have been acting toward my best interests. If I am upset about something or have a new sexual encounter, I write this down and analyze it, because somewhere along the way to adulthood I never learned to evaluate my actions. In the morning, I like to set a little time out to plan my day. I consider what would be best for me and others overall, and make a daily commitment to do what I am
supposed to be doing. At the end of the day I also try to review my day and see how the process of setting and working toward goals has been working in my life, which reinforces the process of recovery. The final step I take whenever possible to maintain my recovery and happiness is by reaching out to others suffering from addiction and offer my support. At first I didn't see the purpose but I have come to feel a sense of duty to return the favor, as it has been given to me so freely. I have learned that I really
do care about how others are doing, and nothing brightens my day like seeing someone hopeless, lonely, and desperate find a little relief. It's the greatest feeling in the world. I feel valuable like I never have.
So basically, I worked the 12 steps with a sponsor. My preferred fellowship is Alcoholics Anonymous, though I also attend Narcotics Anonymous. I find AA has a stronger message and a higher success rate. The people in AA just seem to be more free to me, and they do help you to recover from drug addiction, though the primary purpose is recovery from alcohol. If you would like to learn more, the full text of the "Big Book" of AA is available here:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ Please, feel free to contact me if you have any questions at all. Many people have preconceptions about the program. Take care! Good luck!
