drip dying

[galaXy-gurlE]

I've got the brain hurts, and I'm not sure how to get rid of them. Perhaps it is because I need to have my brain empty out all of these rambling thoughts that tumble around in my head like mis-matched socks in a dryer. Damn the man that keeps fueling these insane sparks of truth? madness? desire? pain? Maybe all of the above. Knowledge is threatening to break out of this jumbled hunger for a quiet mind. How am I supposed to work with all these different voices screaming at each other? One says be happy, life is good, and it can be better. One is saying god dammit woman, for christs sakes prove for 2 seconds that you know how to keep your pants on. Yet another whispers quietly this is not the past, this is not going to turn out the same way. Which of these is the voice of reason, which the tongue of pandemonium. Do I care? Does it matter. Can a person find happiness by surrendering to their demons? Maybe the only way to understand what it is we all truly crave is to do the one thing it is that you are most afraid of. I'm afraid of falling in love. Deathly afraid of it. It was not always this way, until I fell.....too hard.....too blind........and too damaged when all was said and done....I had to turn to comfort in a bottle, every night. I smoked away the tears, for only a short while. I never want to be in that same state as long as I live. For some reason I believed that I didn't have anything if I didn't have him...I wasn't funny if he didn't laugh, I wasn't good enough if he wasn't in the mood. I look back and wonder why I felt the need to validate my exsistence by having a man. I don't need one. Because when he was gone I still had nothing of myself....just tears and a great big empty. It takes a long time to pick up those broken peices, and it takes even longer to want to try again....but then I look at that love that we shared....shut my eyes and try to remember if it was all that wonderful. Sometimes I remember how I would love it when he would touch my cheek while I slept....how incredible it was when he taught himself to stop snoring so we could sleep next to each other....and I don't want it again.....because that too will inevitebly end. All things end. Life ends. Youth ends. School ends. Friendships end. Beauty fades and crumbles into nothing...ending, dying like a rose cut from the plant. But most of all the pain ends. It just stops hurting. You of course do remember the wound, but it fades to a scar....just a scar on your soul. Scars give a person character...but, I don't know how willing I am to go through these same motions trying to prove that somethings don't have to be bad scars.....ya know...just a nick from shaving, nothing that hurts that bad now....but then you shave over the damn thing over and over and over again and you wish the pain, no matter how small find someone elses neck to breathe down for a change. Changing people, changing faces, changing goals, changing days...but we still connect. All humanity finds this click, this connection...through the change and the chaos we all have the same emotions in different forms, quelled by different things, sparked by different words...but we are made of the same mold....and I do have compassion for this race of ours, but some days I really wish I didn't have to be a part of it.....
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The cult of Dionysus: The cult's most controversial practice involved uninhibited dancing and emotional displays that created
an altered mental state. This altered state was known as ecstasis, from which the word ecstasy is derived. Ecstasy was an important concept to the Greeks, and it was also a favorite way to worship.

 

[Burgundy Buddha Lady]

it sounds like my mind races just as fast as yours! i go over and over in my head every day of my 5 year relationship. i wake up thinking he's there, i drive in the car thinking he's in the seat next to me, i walk through the grocery asking him what he wants for dinner,.... yeah my brain hurts too!

 

[Noodle]

...like my mad hatter that sniffed too much glue in social posted once up for the tricky smarty pants to dis- sect, there is the first inner person to work on and then that outer person/persona to work on last. Sometimes I am sure that the latter will just follow the former just as the former takes its true shape, a truly fuctional and pure form, like undiluted even.
Blue skys are the sun's white light refracted by the content of their floating oceans of gasses and heat. The clear blue sky blankets us but also gives us a background for us to live against. The earth would not be below, and we on it looking up, if not for the air we all share and breathe.