TLDR: Drinking way too much and taking too much adderall to come back up. Spending all my days feeling drunk(in the bad way) and trying to get spun....................
Any thoughts or experience is appreciated
Hello all,
First and foremost, I hope this is posted in the right place.
Looking for some advice or maybe life experience on how to get out hole i may be digging myself.
Getting right to the point, im going into year 10 of what should probably be called heavy drinking. For the first 7 years a 1140ml bottle of hard(80proof) liquor would last 5-7 days, about 2.5 years ago my use accelerated greatly and that same bottle now lasts 2 days.
Additionally, I've been prescribed adderall for adhd for going on almost 20 years. Always somewhat abused it(inconsistent use, excessive doseage at times as work 'needs' demand). Over the past year my usage has become far more consistent, in the bad way, over this past month I'm WELL over double my daily prescribed amount despite work being slow as shit.
As far as my perception, I like drinking, it helps me relax, talk to friends and family and generally id LOVE to think it's not detrimental. I was almost* content when a bottle lasted almost a week.
However at this point, I know im drinking to excess and given the time needed to process through my body, im basically drunk 80-90% of the day...every day.
To combat the after effects, at work ive gotten into the habit of dosing amphetamines as soon as i get in........basically every day, and taking more until i feel them kick in.
Logically this cant go on for much longer, despite overusing my script, Ive managed to stay within my supply+reserves, but at this rate that will eventually run out.
Moreover, I figure that i cant keep drinking like i do and maintain somewhat decent health for another 30 years.
Ive been fortunate enough to not yet experience any symptoms of withdrawal (to my knowledge), however because it's my happy place.......Im still drinking everyday.
As far as trying not to after work, the argument to myself its its the only way to ensure im happy. So of course i do.
When work is busy it's not unheard of for me to go 24hr+ without drinking without any side effects.
Increasingly im aware of the lingering effects the morning after(still being drunk), which i try to mitigate by taking more amphetamines.
But im starting to come to the conclusion that the more i drink-> the more amphetamines i take->the more i drink to come down from amphetamines->the more amphetamines i take to bring myself back up........etc etc
It's come to the point where i spend much of my work day with a foggy head, worrying about customers/coworkers thinking i smell like alcohol. Or worrying i may be over the limit and I have to find my drivers to take care of our customers because i won't risk being on the road. Adding in the adderall usage probably doesn't help with obsessing over how fucked up i may or may not be
If i had to sum up my question, it would be: Does anyone have any experience with something similar????? Assuming i reduce usage: Do i taper off the adderall first or the alcohol? I think i can manage reducing the alcohol, if nothing else other than slow taper, but i generally don't want to as i wouldn't be able to enjoy life at all(i know this is probably the biggest sign i have a problem) with out it.
When it comes to the adderall, i know i can knock it out and have done so as recently as within this year for a bit of a reset. But i also generally do not want to given how it works with my 'schedule'. While work doesn't currently demand the benefit it brings, im somewhat hesitant as I use it to regulate myself and this might be harder behaviourally.
Additionally between the caloric intake from the alcohol and the appite suppression from the amphetamines, im barely eating. I would really like to blame how shitty ive been feeling on poor nutrition, but that feels unlikely at this point.........
Unfortunately I think both of my addictions(that really hurt to type) are really playing into eachother
*** LONG time lurker. infrequent poster. anon account because i really didn't want to ever post something like this ***
** In terms of usage history. In light of this current spell, have been able to spend decent amount of time off amphetamines in the past, only drawn back by 'actually needing them'(i feel if im posting this, that needs to go in quotations). Quit a multiyear marijuana habit over night MANY years ago, decided it wasn't for me anymore. Have dabbled with opiates(infrequently) for many many years, love em, but never felt drawn to continuous use **
Any thoughts or experience is appreciated
Hello all,
First and foremost, I hope this is posted in the right place.
Looking for some advice or maybe life experience on how to get out hole i may be digging myself.
Getting right to the point, im going into year 10 of what should probably be called heavy drinking. For the first 7 years a 1140ml bottle of hard(80proof) liquor would last 5-7 days, about 2.5 years ago my use accelerated greatly and that same bottle now lasts 2 days.
Additionally, I've been prescribed adderall for adhd for going on almost 20 years. Always somewhat abused it(inconsistent use, excessive doseage at times as work 'needs' demand). Over the past year my usage has become far more consistent, in the bad way, over this past month I'm WELL over double my daily prescribed amount despite work being slow as shit.
As far as my perception, I like drinking, it helps me relax, talk to friends and family and generally id LOVE to think it's not detrimental. I was almost* content when a bottle lasted almost a week.
However at this point, I know im drinking to excess and given the time needed to process through my body, im basically drunk 80-90% of the day...every day.
To combat the after effects, at work ive gotten into the habit of dosing amphetamines as soon as i get in........basically every day, and taking more until i feel them kick in.
Logically this cant go on for much longer, despite overusing my script, Ive managed to stay within my supply+reserves, but at this rate that will eventually run out.
Moreover, I figure that i cant keep drinking like i do and maintain somewhat decent health for another 30 years.
Ive been fortunate enough to not yet experience any symptoms of withdrawal (to my knowledge), however because it's my happy place.......Im still drinking everyday.
As far as trying not to after work, the argument to myself its its the only way to ensure im happy. So of course i do.
When work is busy it's not unheard of for me to go 24hr+ without drinking without any side effects.
Increasingly im aware of the lingering effects the morning after(still being drunk), which i try to mitigate by taking more amphetamines.
But im starting to come to the conclusion that the more i drink-> the more amphetamines i take->the more i drink to come down from amphetamines->the more amphetamines i take to bring myself back up........etc etc
It's come to the point where i spend much of my work day with a foggy head, worrying about customers/coworkers thinking i smell like alcohol. Or worrying i may be over the limit and I have to find my drivers to take care of our customers because i won't risk being on the road. Adding in the adderall usage probably doesn't help with obsessing over how fucked up i may or may not be
If i had to sum up my question, it would be: Does anyone have any experience with something similar????? Assuming i reduce usage: Do i taper off the adderall first or the alcohol? I think i can manage reducing the alcohol, if nothing else other than slow taper, but i generally don't want to as i wouldn't be able to enjoy life at all(i know this is probably the biggest sign i have a problem) with out it.
When it comes to the adderall, i know i can knock it out and have done so as recently as within this year for a bit of a reset. But i also generally do not want to given how it works with my 'schedule'. While work doesn't currently demand the benefit it brings, im somewhat hesitant as I use it to regulate myself and this might be harder behaviourally.
Additionally between the caloric intake from the alcohol and the appite suppression from the amphetamines, im barely eating. I would really like to blame how shitty ive been feeling on poor nutrition, but that feels unlikely at this point.........
Unfortunately I think both of my addictions(that really hurt to type) are really playing into eachother
*** LONG time lurker. infrequent poster. anon account because i really didn't want to ever post something like this ***
** In terms of usage history. In light of this current spell, have been able to spend decent amount of time off amphetamines in the past, only drawn back by 'actually needing them'(i feel if im posting this, that needs to go in quotations). Quit a multiyear marijuana habit over night MANY years ago, decided it wasn't for me anymore. Have dabbled with opiates(infrequently) for many many years, love em, but never felt drawn to continuous use **
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