This is the account of a trip that was actually a few weeks ago, but it's taken till now before I could bear to revisit that evening and the memories it brought back. But my outlook on future trips is so muddled, it might help just to write it all down. At around 8pm, in the house sitting at the computer, two of us in an irc channel decided to both trip together. He took some liberties and I had dried hawaiians. Now I traditionally like taking large doses of shrooms/lsd, because I'm very experienced and I have a healthy outlook - ha! - and I feel I can cope - and I like reaching for the stars. But for some ridiculous reason that night, I took half a packet of 10g dried hawaiians which would mean 5g and no fiddling around weighing them. I made sure it was a generous half. On reflection this was pushing it too far .... these were strong, even by hawaiian standards. The seller warned people that the normal recommended dose for a first timer taking these very strong shrooms was 1g dried, or 10g wet. Those he was selling, he advised only about half that! Later on, I also weighed the half I had left which should have been 5g and discovered it was at least 8g in fact. On contacting the seller he admitted to putting an extra few in "for luck" rather than risk any customer accuse him of underweighing them. So in all probability I actually had around between 8 and 9g strong dried hawaiians ..... with hindsight, it doesn't even bear thinking about!
I'd just eaten quite a big meal, so I didn't expect to feel anything for quite some time. But before I'd even finished chomping through them, I was getting not just effects but strong effects! That was when I knew I was in trouble. At first, I managed to look at links to trippy sites and talk to the guy who was also tripping, but within about 20 minutes I couldn't take it. I had to seek out the least trippy environment I could, because things were rapidly spinning out of control. I was grateful to a very experienced guy in a US irc channel who is a brilliant person to talk to in that state. The trouble was my ability to type anything into his query window was leaving me fast. I managed to quote most of a whole psalm from the bible in a programming channel and typed "magick! talk to me, help!" into another irc channel that he wasn't even in. I was frantically panicking as all sense of determining reality and my anchor to this earthly world drifted further and further away. I hadn't time to take in one amazing effect before another crowded in, then before I could process that, another revelation would hit me.
I gave up irc and talked to magick on AIM. Or tried to. I had immense trouble typing fast enough to get across what was happening and why I was so shit scared. He agreed to call me - no inexpensive offer when he probably would have had to talk trans atlantic for hours! But I got stuck in one of these frequent loops that plagued me all night. I needed to talk to this person, but that meant using my phone - and I couldn't think where it was! Even when I did see it across the room, I knew it was too great a task to actually stand up, walk across the room and pick the phone up, much less contemplate receiving a call. It was rather like a badly written "do while" loop in a program that circles round and round forever because no-one told it to update "CurrentWord" which was therefore always going to be less than "TotalWords". These "loops" were incredibly difficult to get out of and I got stuck in them a lot. The flip side of all this frustration and difficulty in functioning was feeling so, so lucky to be allowed this chance to temporarily visit a different supernatural plane. I can't even begin to describe how wondrous, how unbelievable this trip was. The words just don't exist in any human dictionary, and even if they did, what would be the point in trying to get across to people who couldn't know what this was like, just where I was and what was going on inside and outside of my head?
I don't want anyone to think that I had in any way a bad trip - for a start I was on a plane where opposites ceased to exist, so "bad" and "good" were meaningless. Also, aside from a tiny proportion, I would never say any trip was ever 100% bad or 100% good. At this point I didn't even have to look for visuals, they were my whole environment, mentally I even tried pushing them away when they got too much. And the CEV's were just something else. I have never before seen such depth and colour in a kaleidescope of mathematically perfect patterns and been lifted away so far from where my physical body was, simply because I closed my eyes!
Every time I thought this couldn't get any stronger, it did! It was so intense as to be indescribable, so high it made Everest look tiny, and so spititual I no longer have a faith - I *know*! I met my creator and wept at his awesome creations and then I came face to face with the devil and could only bow and worship his equally awesome evillness. I now know what it means to lose every "anchor" with your previous world, to merge so totally with your surroundings you cease to be any different from the stars, the trees and the dogshit at your feet.
In the end I managed to make it upstairs and sat texting someone all night - what was left of it. I was still tripping 10 hours after taking the shrooms and had after effects beyond that. The following morning I felt like I'd made it through a storm. The problem I'm left with though, is where do I go from here? If I contemplate another trip, or come across anyone else tripping, or hear people talk about it, I get churned up inside. It's hard to explain, but I don't feel reconciled to my own experience yet, and it brings back memories. I come out with extreme reactions, which are partly jealousy at other people being able to trip without a care in the world, while I'm stuck in this no-man's land and have been for absolutely ages, as this trip was some time ago now.
I don't know whether I should trip again. I've experienced the unexperiencable, I'm trying to describe the indescribable. I'm failing spectacularly. Just what am I hoping to achieve from another trip? Would I be satisfied with a lesser experience? Yet could I survive another 8g of dried hawaiians? My mind worked so hard that night, just to hold on to my sanity ...... I don't know if I could go through it again. I realise all trips are different and maybe I'd just got a bit complacent, lost a bit of respect for the substance, but even the best of trips is going to be hard work on that sort of dosage.
substancecode_mushrooms
I'd just eaten quite a big meal, so I didn't expect to feel anything for quite some time. But before I'd even finished chomping through them, I was getting not just effects but strong effects! That was when I knew I was in trouble. At first, I managed to look at links to trippy sites and talk to the guy who was also tripping, but within about 20 minutes I couldn't take it. I had to seek out the least trippy environment I could, because things were rapidly spinning out of control. I was grateful to a very experienced guy in a US irc channel who is a brilliant person to talk to in that state. The trouble was my ability to type anything into his query window was leaving me fast. I managed to quote most of a whole psalm from the bible in a programming channel and typed "magick! talk to me, help!" into another irc channel that he wasn't even in. I was frantically panicking as all sense of determining reality and my anchor to this earthly world drifted further and further away. I hadn't time to take in one amazing effect before another crowded in, then before I could process that, another revelation would hit me.
I gave up irc and talked to magick on AIM. Or tried to. I had immense trouble typing fast enough to get across what was happening and why I was so shit scared. He agreed to call me - no inexpensive offer when he probably would have had to talk trans atlantic for hours! But I got stuck in one of these frequent loops that plagued me all night. I needed to talk to this person, but that meant using my phone - and I couldn't think where it was! Even when I did see it across the room, I knew it was too great a task to actually stand up, walk across the room and pick the phone up, much less contemplate receiving a call. It was rather like a badly written "do while" loop in a program that circles round and round forever because no-one told it to update "CurrentWord" which was therefore always going to be less than "TotalWords". These "loops" were incredibly difficult to get out of and I got stuck in them a lot. The flip side of all this frustration and difficulty in functioning was feeling so, so lucky to be allowed this chance to temporarily visit a different supernatural plane. I can't even begin to describe how wondrous, how unbelievable this trip was. The words just don't exist in any human dictionary, and even if they did, what would be the point in trying to get across to people who couldn't know what this was like, just where I was and what was going on inside and outside of my head?
I don't want anyone to think that I had in any way a bad trip - for a start I was on a plane where opposites ceased to exist, so "bad" and "good" were meaningless. Also, aside from a tiny proportion, I would never say any trip was ever 100% bad or 100% good. At this point I didn't even have to look for visuals, they were my whole environment, mentally I even tried pushing them away when they got too much. And the CEV's were just something else. I have never before seen such depth and colour in a kaleidescope of mathematically perfect patterns and been lifted away so far from where my physical body was, simply because I closed my eyes!
Every time I thought this couldn't get any stronger, it did! It was so intense as to be indescribable, so high it made Everest look tiny, and so spititual I no longer have a faith - I *know*! I met my creator and wept at his awesome creations and then I came face to face with the devil and could only bow and worship his equally awesome evillness. I now know what it means to lose every "anchor" with your previous world, to merge so totally with your surroundings you cease to be any different from the stars, the trees and the dogshit at your feet.
In the end I managed to make it upstairs and sat texting someone all night - what was left of it. I was still tripping 10 hours after taking the shrooms and had after effects beyond that. The following morning I felt like I'd made it through a storm. The problem I'm left with though, is where do I go from here? If I contemplate another trip, or come across anyone else tripping, or hear people talk about it, I get churned up inside. It's hard to explain, but I don't feel reconciled to my own experience yet, and it brings back memories. I come out with extreme reactions, which are partly jealousy at other people being able to trip without a care in the world, while I'm stuck in this no-man's land and have been for absolutely ages, as this trip was some time ago now.
I don't know whether I should trip again. I've experienced the unexperiencable, I'm trying to describe the indescribable. I'm failing spectacularly. Just what am I hoping to achieve from another trip? Would I be satisfied with a lesser experience? Yet could I survive another 8g of dried hawaiians? My mind worked so hard that night, just to hold on to my sanity ...... I don't know if I could go through it again. I realise all trips are different and maybe I'd just got a bit complacent, lost a bit of respect for the substance, but even the best of trips is going to be hard work on that sort of dosage.
substancecode_mushrooms
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Thanks for sharing.