In my dream my dad gave me a bandaid, at a dance, where my old soccer buddies showed up for some reason. I showed up with them. We were older. My ex was there, but it as if I didn't know her- not that I didn't remember, but like nothing effected me. Nothing like that mattered. I didn't hate her. I just didn't see a reason for interrupting her life, or mine, with her.
She was at her last winter dance, for her school. She was still in high school, where in life she is out of college. She was telling a story about when I was with her, I heard. I remembered one time trying ecstasy, but with her friends, and she decided not to take any, in the dream- like her story. And she was totally naked, she said. I seemed to create a memory of this. Her friend and I did- a guy friend. Maybe another.
There was a closeness with myself and the guys I was with- my once team. They were more conditioned than me. I had forgotten about playing soccer. They had played since high school. But there was a physical comfort of being near them. Almost like one would feel with a girl, minus sexuality. I was wearing the clothes I fell asleep in. My pajama pants, and a faux fur-lined hoody, unzipped, and I was very chill, and at times in other parts of the dream, so weak that I couldn't speak, such as earlier, when I met other friends, and again was too weak to speak, or move at times.
In one scene a guy who used to give me some problems- gave everyone problems, yet was himself very intelligent, and talented, he gave me a ride home, and we got along fine. He no longer tried to act dominant. I didn't take anything to heart. And we both seemed to be eating these nicotine candies. Discs of white, where pieces would break off in the shape of pieces of pizza. We were eating these, and both seemed to be passing out, or very, very weak.
Once he gave me a ride home, from where we were. My place was like a studio, with a back porch, and a back yard. His car seemed like you had to lay back in it, or else there would be no room for your head. It was first a tiny car, but he dropped me off, and it seemed larger, like a Jeep Wrangler, when I saw it earlier, as he hadn't moved. He just fell asleep in it, as I slept inside. And I thought about being nice to invite him inside, but I figured nah, he's fine, or didn't want to bother him. And I went outside and he turned into a snake. A very giant snake. Moving around rapidly, through my yard. I laid down on his car, and only once was I afraid of it hurting me. It was maybe 30 feet long. Really it's hard to be sure because it might have been only 12 at times, or less. And it may have never reached 30 feet but it didn't seem to only be local to it's position. I could only keep track of so much of it. Only once was I afraid. Then I had faith. I knew that it would either hurt me/kill me, or not. The only thing I wasn't looking forward to was continuing pain.
When my fear went away, the snake didn't seem to have any interest in hurting me. It just moved about, very fast, in the air, and on the ground around me.
I remember people were helping me move. Stuff was here, then it was not. More and more was going away. I was slightly embarrassed by the shape of my love-seat, as the cushions are missing their covers right now, and I usually just cover it with a bed-sheet. My marijuana pipes were sitting out in the open, and my mom and sister could see them, but it didn't seem to matter. Some people I didn't know where there.
At some point I went and saw this girl who has been showing interest in me, who works at Whole Foods. She works the register, and sees me coming from a ways away, lighting up. Last time I did go, Melissa next to her, a woman I've known for about 8 years, as she worked at another market I frequented, and I worked there for a second- she said she can take me in the lane next to this other girl's, Lora's. She said "Jeff I can take you over here", and Lora expressed excitement over learning my name, telling me that I never introduced myself to her. Though, I run my credit card every time. But she came over and stood within an inch of me, talking to me, as I was being checked out, talking to me. In my dream I met her and her friends in a food court, but I soon passed out with my pajama pants and unzipped hoodie, mouth probably open, knocked out, face toward the ceiling, and they left.
Then I talked to Brian, a friend from my home town, who I used to always hang out with, and then sort of lost contact with over the last 8 years. I apologized that I was always suffering from some reaction, and it was hard to talk. I'm not even sure if he understood (dream).
Back to the dance, which was the very end of the dream...
I remember pictures were taken of me, that I didn't remember. Us guys were also couriers, and we were waiting to enter a room that was accessible by the dance floor/gymnasium. The room had packages for us to deliver, that we usually picked up by 2 P.M. Not sure why the dance was at that time, but anyways. And there was water in the room, too. Places where our packages were, was a big mobile dumping thing with lots of water in it. Or just.. thing that you can put stuff in, that is deep. I didn't see inside but I somehow knew.
The pictures taken of me, were model like. They were perhaps taken of all of us, and we were also, apparently, part of the show, "The Bachelor", but we were all this (and, in life, they are not, some of them). "Hot dudes"! One picture of me, I had a cock in my mouth. I was going down on a guy. Not sure who. But I only remember my picture being taken, by a ghost, seemingly. And I was always nearly passing out, or very, very relaxed.
I didn't quite mind this. I didn't care what people thought. Even if it wasn't real/That I can't remember actually doing this, it just wasn't a big deal to me. Those that it matters that much to, to change much how they treat me, would not matter to me. They wouldn't know me. I still knew I liked girls. But I did play into it, when asked by one person later if I'm the guy in that picture, saying that "I'm not, but uh... I don't know. Could explain why I don't get along with women"- which isn't exactly true... Just that to this point I have not had a successful relationship past a certain point (when it wasn't).
The party died down. Only older people were left.
My dad gave me a band-aid, after writing a letter, with strange writing. I just realized he had heard the entire thing. He didn't seem phased, or to care.
He gave me this band-aid, and I wondered, and said perhaps "why did you give me this band-aid?". No answer. But I do remember him saying "Claim it with a passion!". I'm not sure, still, what he means. I'm not gay. I still want and want to be wanted, by girls. I love the attention of any. Guys mainly flatter me, if they do show special attention in that way. I'm not ready to accept that. It's not as natural. It's not the end, for me, that makes the beginning- the new. It's a dead end. It's a side-game, at best.
I took his, my dad's, "claim it with a passion", as toward my apartment. The one he would tell me to do that with is 531, here in this same complex, which I have again been leaning toward moving into. I just want them to install recycled carpet with low voc glue, or water based glue, and I will try it. I like having the ease of my own washer and dryer. Nothing has really jumped out at me as something I want, that I have seen, enough to make a change. They all come with their own problems. Like gas stoves. But I can buy a countertop, portable oven, for what I make. I never use the stove tops, anymore. And I can buy my own portable washer and dryer. I'm considering another, 1250 sq foot apartment, as well, but it has the gas, and would be a bitch to heat in the winter. Expensive as hell. Unless I just brought a space heater where I was at.
But he gave me this band-aid. I had no idea why. It was a prominent question.
I woke up, shortly after, and my foot went straight down on a light-bulb that I had seemed to miss the other times. I usually don't get out that way, but I have a line of clothes yet to be folded on one side of my bed- the side I usually get out of. All I heard was a loud cracking, and soon a little pain. Then blood, as I checked it. Pulled the piece(s) out, and cleaned up. Bleeding stopped with hot water. No band-aid required.
She was at her last winter dance, for her school. She was still in high school, where in life she is out of college. She was telling a story about when I was with her, I heard. I remembered one time trying ecstasy, but with her friends, and she decided not to take any, in the dream- like her story. And she was totally naked, she said. I seemed to create a memory of this. Her friend and I did- a guy friend. Maybe another.
There was a closeness with myself and the guys I was with- my once team. They were more conditioned than me. I had forgotten about playing soccer. They had played since high school. But there was a physical comfort of being near them. Almost like one would feel with a girl, minus sexuality. I was wearing the clothes I fell asleep in. My pajama pants, and a faux fur-lined hoody, unzipped, and I was very chill, and at times in other parts of the dream, so weak that I couldn't speak, such as earlier, when I met other friends, and again was too weak to speak, or move at times.
In one scene a guy who used to give me some problems- gave everyone problems, yet was himself very intelligent, and talented, he gave me a ride home, and we got along fine. He no longer tried to act dominant. I didn't take anything to heart. And we both seemed to be eating these nicotine candies. Discs of white, where pieces would break off in the shape of pieces of pizza. We were eating these, and both seemed to be passing out, or very, very weak.
Once he gave me a ride home, from where we were. My place was like a studio, with a back porch, and a back yard. His car seemed like you had to lay back in it, or else there would be no room for your head. It was first a tiny car, but he dropped me off, and it seemed larger, like a Jeep Wrangler, when I saw it earlier, as he hadn't moved. He just fell asleep in it, as I slept inside. And I thought about being nice to invite him inside, but I figured nah, he's fine, or didn't want to bother him. And I went outside and he turned into a snake. A very giant snake. Moving around rapidly, through my yard. I laid down on his car, and only once was I afraid of it hurting me. It was maybe 30 feet long. Really it's hard to be sure because it might have been only 12 at times, or less. And it may have never reached 30 feet but it didn't seem to only be local to it's position. I could only keep track of so much of it. Only once was I afraid. Then I had faith. I knew that it would either hurt me/kill me, or not. The only thing I wasn't looking forward to was continuing pain.
When my fear went away, the snake didn't seem to have any interest in hurting me. It just moved about, very fast, in the air, and on the ground around me.
I remember people were helping me move. Stuff was here, then it was not. More and more was going away. I was slightly embarrassed by the shape of my love-seat, as the cushions are missing their covers right now, and I usually just cover it with a bed-sheet. My marijuana pipes were sitting out in the open, and my mom and sister could see them, but it didn't seem to matter. Some people I didn't know where there.
At some point I went and saw this girl who has been showing interest in me, who works at Whole Foods. She works the register, and sees me coming from a ways away, lighting up. Last time I did go, Melissa next to her, a woman I've known for about 8 years, as she worked at another market I frequented, and I worked there for a second- she said she can take me in the lane next to this other girl's, Lora's. She said "Jeff I can take you over here", and Lora expressed excitement over learning my name, telling me that I never introduced myself to her. Though, I run my credit card every time. But she came over and stood within an inch of me, talking to me, as I was being checked out, talking to me. In my dream I met her and her friends in a food court, but I soon passed out with my pajama pants and unzipped hoodie, mouth probably open, knocked out, face toward the ceiling, and they left.
Then I talked to Brian, a friend from my home town, who I used to always hang out with, and then sort of lost contact with over the last 8 years. I apologized that I was always suffering from some reaction, and it was hard to talk. I'm not even sure if he understood (dream).
Back to the dance, which was the very end of the dream...
I remember pictures were taken of me, that I didn't remember. Us guys were also couriers, and we were waiting to enter a room that was accessible by the dance floor/gymnasium. The room had packages for us to deliver, that we usually picked up by 2 P.M. Not sure why the dance was at that time, but anyways. And there was water in the room, too. Places where our packages were, was a big mobile dumping thing with lots of water in it. Or just.. thing that you can put stuff in, that is deep. I didn't see inside but I somehow knew.
The pictures taken of me, were model like. They were perhaps taken of all of us, and we were also, apparently, part of the show, "The Bachelor", but we were all this (and, in life, they are not, some of them). "Hot dudes"! One picture of me, I had a cock in my mouth. I was going down on a guy. Not sure who. But I only remember my picture being taken, by a ghost, seemingly. And I was always nearly passing out, or very, very relaxed.
I didn't quite mind this. I didn't care what people thought. Even if it wasn't real/That I can't remember actually doing this, it just wasn't a big deal to me. Those that it matters that much to, to change much how they treat me, would not matter to me. They wouldn't know me. I still knew I liked girls. But I did play into it, when asked by one person later if I'm the guy in that picture, saying that "I'm not, but uh... I don't know. Could explain why I don't get along with women"- which isn't exactly true... Just that to this point I have not had a successful relationship past a certain point (when it wasn't).
The party died down. Only older people were left.
My dad gave me a band-aid, after writing a letter, with strange writing. I just realized he had heard the entire thing. He didn't seem phased, or to care.
He gave me this band-aid, and I wondered, and said perhaps "why did you give me this band-aid?". No answer. But I do remember him saying "Claim it with a passion!". I'm not sure, still, what he means. I'm not gay. I still want and want to be wanted, by girls. I love the attention of any. Guys mainly flatter me, if they do show special attention in that way. I'm not ready to accept that. It's not as natural. It's not the end, for me, that makes the beginning- the new. It's a dead end. It's a side-game, at best.
I took his, my dad's, "claim it with a passion", as toward my apartment. The one he would tell me to do that with is 531, here in this same complex, which I have again been leaning toward moving into. I just want them to install recycled carpet with low voc glue, or water based glue, and I will try it. I like having the ease of my own washer and dryer. Nothing has really jumped out at me as something I want, that I have seen, enough to make a change. They all come with their own problems. Like gas stoves. But I can buy a countertop, portable oven, for what I make. I never use the stove tops, anymore. And I can buy my own portable washer and dryer. I'm considering another, 1250 sq foot apartment, as well, but it has the gas, and would be a bitch to heat in the winter. Expensive as hell. Unless I just brought a space heater where I was at.
But he gave me this band-aid. I had no idea why. It was a prominent question.
I woke up, shortly after, and my foot went straight down on a light-bulb that I had seemed to miss the other times. I usually don't get out that way, but I have a line of clothes yet to be folded on one side of my bed- the side I usually get out of. All I heard was a loud cracking, and soon a little pain. Then blood, as I checked it. Pulled the piece(s) out, and cleaned up. Bleeding stopped with hot water. No band-aid required.