DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA... so overwhelmed!

[Shady Kaity]

First off, my sons father hasnt been in the picture. I recently sent him a letter saying we need to discuss things and understand each others point of view. so he called me and was all harsh and mean and saying "hes not mine, i want nothing to do with you two. when i saw him last i felt nothing for him so i know hes not mine, blah blah blah" so i told him we'll let child support do a DNA test and handle it from there. and he said okay and hung up. then he called back and said " i'm on probation so if my papers are on any legal documents i could go to prison so can i come over and we talk things out before we do the whole child support thing" so i agreed even though hes too dumb to realize a case has already been opened for quite a while now and finally things are moving along, but i just wanted to hear his side of the story regardless so i left that information out and he came over and we talked about getting a DNA test and such. My son took so well to him, he sat by him the entire time he was there, it was weird how he was suddenly so happy when his father came over.
and then my current boyfriend is getting all nervous and distressed and saying "if hes gonna be around now, im not sure i wanna be" and this and that so now i have to worry about him leaving me over this stupid stupid bullshit. and he said we'll talk about it when he gets home from work. so now thats a potential fight waiting to happen.
and on top of everything, my sister and i had a huge falling out two years ago while i was pregnant. we haven't talked since. and whats weird about this is that i sent her a message online, and about half hour later received a package in the mail from her saying how she misses how we use to be. so thats more drama that needs to be dealt with. we'll have to talk about our argument and the things that were said which could also be a potential fight waiting to happen.
and I have to worry about whether or not my sons father will keep up his end of the bargain to unblock me on facebook and keep in touch to figure things out, which im not getting my hopes up because hes said that before and has never followed through. and then im so upset for my sons sake because i know what its like growing up with a father who wants nothing to do with you and just pops up every once and a while...
i'm so stressed and depressed, and every other negative emotion in between, that i feel physically ill. my head is pounding and i feel like im going to throw up...
im just ranting, but if anyone has any advice or support, i'd really appreciate it.
Thanks for taking the time to read this

 

[Sepher]

Hey Shady. First of all your current boyfriend is being completely unreasonable if he's suggesting you're gonna have to choose between him being your boyfriend and your ex being a father to his son. I can understand why he might feel threatened by your ex being back in the picture, given that your history with him as the father of your son is by definition of a deep and intimate kind he can't share in, and he may need some reassurance from you that the relationship between you is now purely practical, focused solely on the best interests of your child, but he's gotta understand how important it is that your son has his father in his life. Not like your ex is gonna be moving in on you is it, and for the majority of the time your current b/f will to all intents and purposes be the dominant father figure, assuming that's the role you've created between you for him, or a role he wants for himself. Maybe a bit of ego stroking is called for, but in the end he's just gonna have to deal with it.

As for your ex trotting out probation by way of stalling you he's not really thought it through has he, bless him. Only criminal offences are gonna be relevant to a probation order, surely? He won't get breached and imprisoned over a civil matter like paternity and child support. It's completely irrelevant. I suspect he knows full well he's the father and is just playing for time and stalling on paying the support, but push for the DNA test because it will make it harder for him to stall if the child support thing comes before a court. It will also put the ball firmly in his court once any possible doubt is removed as to whether he's gonna be involved in your sons life from now on, and force him to decide if he's ready and willing to make the commitment of being a father to him.

 

[Ixchellian]

I'm sure he also knows that if ordered to pay child-support and doesn't hold up his end, failing to do so would quite likely constitute a violation and land him back in lockup..... even though it was a civil matter to begin with.
Sounds like that's one particular ball he's trying desperately to avoid being behind.

Don't wait for him to be a reasonable & responsible adult, as he's done a good job of illustrating that he's incapable of it at this point in his life.

 

[Shady Kaity]

I'm sure he also knows that if ordered to pay child-support and doesn't hold up his end, failing to do so would quite likely constitute a violation and land him back in lockup..... even though it was a civil matter to begin with.
Sounds like that's one particular ball he's trying desperately to avoid being behind.

Don't wait for him to be a reasonable & responsible adult, as he's done a good job of illustrating that he's incapable of it at this point in his life.

yeah im definitely not going to close the child support case, i left that part out to him. I'm not responsible for why hes on probation in the first place and whatever consequence he has to pay, are his consequences due to his own fault. I'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing as a mother, which is trying to get the support that my son needs and deserves.

 

[Ixchellian]

Even though his crime doesn't directly relate to your family & child-support..... it does have a lot of bearing on supporting a child.
If he's more concerned about saving his hide, being a responsible, selfless, honest adult is at the bottom of his priorities.

He has a lot to learn..... and one lesson is that nothing happens in a vacuum..... 8)

Especially when it comes to children & families.