4/1/2009
He does well when he has Copper, the dog with him and cops aren’t in his face telling him to leave. So, sometimes, yours truly forks over $2, $5, $10, or a feckin $20 spot. I did research on line, and I guess a bunch of pigs came down hard and busted a shitload of heroin connects, which means their daily sure thing no longer in business. She was getting from the Mexican mafia, better shit than she realized until they managed to get weaker shit elsewhere, and complaining of being dope sick a lot. Still, I had told them, get me a bag of speed the night before. I stopped by to try my luck after work and Christ almighty, was there LOUD drama at the drug den.
I heard screaming from Linda, Aimee, Don, and Cody along with a generous onslaught of physical violence. The second I pulled my car in the driveway and heard the drama, I pulled right back out. The neighbors love to call the cops of them all the time and I knew they’d be there soon. “Fuck this,” I said. “GODDAMN YOU CODY, GET OFF ME!,” I heard Linda, then Aimee yell, followed by obvious hitting, pushing, and banging. Cody was screaming, sounding like he was kicking everyone’s asses, the 17 year old out of control kid, Aimee’s son, Linda’s grandson. I got my car out of there, parked it on the front of the street, away from the house, got out, and walked. I could hear physical fighting, yelling, and people being thrown into walls or gates.
More yelling. “Cody you are an impossible ass!,” yelled Linda. Then to Aimee, “You never took care of your son!” “I did too Mom, he’s an impossible little shit!,” retorted Aimee. “YOU DIDN’T TAKE CARE OF HIM!,” insisted Linda. She’s right. Aimee was doing dope into the 5th month of her pregnancy, but she got busted. Linda was glad she got arrested so that the baby would be clean for some of the pregnancy. Aimee gave birth in prison, Cody was sent to live with Linda and Nana, gramma and great gramma. He had no father that took responsibility and his Mother has been in and out of prison his entire life. As a friend, faults included, Aimee is a down right good fun time as a friend, but as a parent, fuck I’d have felt very emotionally unnurtured because Mom was either in prison or maintaining a hard core habit, namely emotionally unavailable.
A lot of people would hate Aimee and say what an evil person she is, and it’s true she did not take on her responsibilities as a mother, but still the junkie inside me understands that she’s not a monster, just damaged and only knows one way to fix it. I’m not saying she’s right or that she’s still a fucked up parent, but I see her as a sick person, not an evil one. I personally decided there was no way in hell I was gonna have kids because I knew that my addiction WAS my baby. I’m so glad my parents weren’t addicts. So, Cody has no real direction, he’s big and tall now, rebellious, probably very angry, hurt, and insecure. He never had anyone to help him with homework, so he got behind in school, quit going in High School.
He’s seen a life time of meth slammers, glass dick suckers, smack shooters in the garage, an endless entourage of dope fiends of every type, including me. I thought it was convenient that I didn’t have to always try and hide shooting up for fear of Cody walking in, because as Linda said, “He’s seen his Mother do that all his life.” His Grandma has all these tweekers suckin glass dick, snortin, or like me shooting. When I was homeless 4 yrs ago, that place was a free for all pad, and I was always trying 2 find a place 2 hide from other tweekers so they wouldn’t mooch off me. The bathroom was too obvious, so I went into Linda’s bedroom while the rest were busy tweaking. Cody liked me and thought I was one of the coolest friends his mother had, so he followed me sometimes, and one day I had Mr. Prick halfway out of my arm and he cold busted me.
“I’m sorry, Cody, sorry Linda, fuck I had to get away from the mooches,” I said. “Don’t worry, Tanya. Cody has seen his Mother way more fucked up than you all the time, so don’t worry about it.” It wasn’t anything new or shocking to him, but I felt bad about it. Still, at 13, he’d rather be in the garage with adult junkies and tweekers smoking pot and drinking while everyone else did harder drugs, than hang out with kids his own age. So, now that he’s almost legally an adult, no education, he does shit like last night and gets drunk and belligerent and sometimes physically violent. “Fuckin Don came at me with a blow torch!,” Cody exclaimed to me and Linda. “Is my hand broken?,” he asked. It looked red and swollen, maybe sprained, but not broken.
Linda yelled, “I’m done listening to you, Cody. Just stop it!” Don and Aimee walked out of the garage, Don’s head and hand bloody. He said Cody beat him up in the head. “Why?,” I asked. “He’s drunk and violent!,” yelled Aimee. “He pinned my arms down on the bed! He’s out of control!,” she yelled. “He’s out of control and disrespectful,” said Don. “He said you attacked him with a blow torch,” I said softly. “I was defending myself! He’s drunk and lost it!,” said Don. “Well you guys best leave or knock it off unless you want the pigs here,” I said. “I could hear you all the way down the block and the neighbors love nothing better than to bust you guys,” I warned. “For fuck’s sake leave or be quiet!,” I said. “Aimee and I are fucking sick,” said Don.
“Didn’t you guys score today?,” I asked. “No,” said Don. “The guy didn’t show up at the clinic?,” I asked Aimee. “Oh yes we did, thanks to you Tanya, or we’d be a lot sicker.” Apparently they were in a heap of trouble. They acquired a hefty smack habit to some good shit that isn’t around anymore. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do, I’m gonna get a lot sicker,” said Aimee. “Sorry man, I dunno what to tell you. I’m sick myself and wanted to see if you could do what we talked about yesterday, Don,” I said. “The guy has speed, he’s up the street, I just don’t have any money or any gas,” said Don. Of course he didn’t. No surprise there. “Will you call?,” I asked. “Sure,” he said. Surprisingly, the dude answered right away. Nana came into the garage, asked what was going on. “I’m giving Don a ride,” I said.
“Don needs a ride to the hospital. Cody beat him up,” said Aimee. “That kid is out of control,” said Nana. “Where’s Linda?,” she asked me. “Linda went inside the house,” I said. “Don, let’s get out of here,” I said. I wanted to be long gone before any cops showed up from all the yelling and fighting. He was on it right away, told me where to go. The guy kept calling making sure we were showing up. Don told the guy I wanted a 20 in Spanish. A ¼ gram is 2.5,” I said after Don informed me that it would be heavy weighing .3. It’s now $10 for .1, 10 a point. Inflation of dope, haha. Still, it was only a 20. “Don, how much are you expecting from this? I gave you and Aimee $20 yesterday,” I said making myself known I wasn’t rich. “Just a couple hits. I’m not unreasonable. You’ll be taken care of,” he said. “Good,” I said.
We got there, the guy was waiting. I told Don I’d drop him off at the house because I sure as shit avoid all drama at all costs. “I’ve been arrested too many times,” I told him. “Fuck, if it happened again, I could kiss my career and my fucking life goodbye.” “I know, sweetheart, I’ve been arrested too many times too.” He has, but unlike me, they make a living of scamming all the time. Me? I have to pay rent and scamming and hookin would not be enough 2 keep a roof over my head. I told Aimee, “Nana takes care of that for you. Be realistic. What the hell are you gonna do when she dies? She’ll leave you the house, but you’ll have to pay the utilities, the upkeep, how you gonna pay for food, gas, ulilities?,” I asked. “We’ll have to sell the house and move to Oregon,” she said. “Nana is worried that the way you’re going through money, that there won’t be any inheritance left for you,” I said softly. “You’ve got to do something or you’ll all be on the street,” I said.
“Oregon’s cheaper, a lot better place to live than Cali,” she said. “You should come with us.” “You need to get off this shit,” I said. “I know. I’ll take that Ibogaine and detox. I’d love to be done with this!,” she said. “Yes, but what will you do with your time? Have you thought about that?,” I asked. “I’ll think of something!,” she said. God help me if I had the blasted motherfucking money, I’d get every single one of them off, especially Don and Aimee. Detox and start fresh. Who knows how that story will end. I decided once I got home, to fuck asking Don to search around for a new rig and fuck looking for one here too. The 2 lines did the trick, plus a little in a glass of juice, drink it all up. Put the line in the coconut, call me in the morning, haha. So, Crystal Hyde allowed me the joy of my life, the enthusiasm to sit and write and write and write, just like the old days. You have no IDEA how much I love this or what it means to me.
I wrote sober, but couldn’t for the life of me get nearly as much enthusiasm and physical endurance to do it the way Crystal Hyde can. She is the writer. TJ is the responsible one. I’m amazed at how fuckin fast time flew by, all ready past 10am. I started last night at what 10pm or so. There’s more to write too, but this concludes this chapter.
He does well when he has Copper, the dog with him and cops aren’t in his face telling him to leave. So, sometimes, yours truly forks over $2, $5, $10, or a feckin $20 spot. I did research on line, and I guess a bunch of pigs came down hard and busted a shitload of heroin connects, which means their daily sure thing no longer in business. She was getting from the Mexican mafia, better shit than she realized until they managed to get weaker shit elsewhere, and complaining of being dope sick a lot. Still, I had told them, get me a bag of speed the night before. I stopped by to try my luck after work and Christ almighty, was there LOUD drama at the drug den.
I heard screaming from Linda, Aimee, Don, and Cody along with a generous onslaught of physical violence. The second I pulled my car in the driveway and heard the drama, I pulled right back out. The neighbors love to call the cops of them all the time and I knew they’d be there soon. “Fuck this,” I said. “GODDAMN YOU CODY, GET OFF ME!,” I heard Linda, then Aimee yell, followed by obvious hitting, pushing, and banging. Cody was screaming, sounding like he was kicking everyone’s asses, the 17 year old out of control kid, Aimee’s son, Linda’s grandson. I got my car out of there, parked it on the front of the street, away from the house, got out, and walked. I could hear physical fighting, yelling, and people being thrown into walls or gates.
More yelling. “Cody you are an impossible ass!,” yelled Linda. Then to Aimee, “You never took care of your son!” “I did too Mom, he’s an impossible little shit!,” retorted Aimee. “YOU DIDN’T TAKE CARE OF HIM!,” insisted Linda. She’s right. Aimee was doing dope into the 5th month of her pregnancy, but she got busted. Linda was glad she got arrested so that the baby would be clean for some of the pregnancy. Aimee gave birth in prison, Cody was sent to live with Linda and Nana, gramma and great gramma. He had no father that took responsibility and his Mother has been in and out of prison his entire life. As a friend, faults included, Aimee is a down right good fun time as a friend, but as a parent, fuck I’d have felt very emotionally unnurtured because Mom was either in prison or maintaining a hard core habit, namely emotionally unavailable.
A lot of people would hate Aimee and say what an evil person she is, and it’s true she did not take on her responsibilities as a mother, but still the junkie inside me understands that she’s not a monster, just damaged and only knows one way to fix it. I’m not saying she’s right or that she’s still a fucked up parent, but I see her as a sick person, not an evil one. I personally decided there was no way in hell I was gonna have kids because I knew that my addiction WAS my baby. I’m so glad my parents weren’t addicts. So, Cody has no real direction, he’s big and tall now, rebellious, probably very angry, hurt, and insecure. He never had anyone to help him with homework, so he got behind in school, quit going in High School.
He’s seen a life time of meth slammers, glass dick suckers, smack shooters in the garage, an endless entourage of dope fiends of every type, including me. I thought it was convenient that I didn’t have to always try and hide shooting up for fear of Cody walking in, because as Linda said, “He’s seen his Mother do that all his life.” His Grandma has all these tweekers suckin glass dick, snortin, or like me shooting. When I was homeless 4 yrs ago, that place was a free for all pad, and I was always trying 2 find a place 2 hide from other tweekers so they wouldn’t mooch off me. The bathroom was too obvious, so I went into Linda’s bedroom while the rest were busy tweaking. Cody liked me and thought I was one of the coolest friends his mother had, so he followed me sometimes, and one day I had Mr. Prick halfway out of my arm and he cold busted me.
“I’m sorry, Cody, sorry Linda, fuck I had to get away from the mooches,” I said. “Don’t worry, Tanya. Cody has seen his Mother way more fucked up than you all the time, so don’t worry about it.” It wasn’t anything new or shocking to him, but I felt bad about it. Still, at 13, he’d rather be in the garage with adult junkies and tweekers smoking pot and drinking while everyone else did harder drugs, than hang out with kids his own age. So, now that he’s almost legally an adult, no education, he does shit like last night and gets drunk and belligerent and sometimes physically violent. “Fuckin Don came at me with a blow torch!,” Cody exclaimed to me and Linda. “Is my hand broken?,” he asked. It looked red and swollen, maybe sprained, but not broken.
Linda yelled, “I’m done listening to you, Cody. Just stop it!” Don and Aimee walked out of the garage, Don’s head and hand bloody. He said Cody beat him up in the head. “Why?,” I asked. “He’s drunk and violent!,” yelled Aimee. “He pinned my arms down on the bed! He’s out of control!,” she yelled. “He’s out of control and disrespectful,” said Don. “He said you attacked him with a blow torch,” I said softly. “I was defending myself! He’s drunk and lost it!,” said Don. “Well you guys best leave or knock it off unless you want the pigs here,” I said. “I could hear you all the way down the block and the neighbors love nothing better than to bust you guys,” I warned. “For fuck’s sake leave or be quiet!,” I said. “Aimee and I are fucking sick,” said Don.
“Didn’t you guys score today?,” I asked. “No,” said Don. “The guy didn’t show up at the clinic?,” I asked Aimee. “Oh yes we did, thanks to you Tanya, or we’d be a lot sicker.” Apparently they were in a heap of trouble. They acquired a hefty smack habit to some good shit that isn’t around anymore. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do, I’m gonna get a lot sicker,” said Aimee. “Sorry man, I dunno what to tell you. I’m sick myself and wanted to see if you could do what we talked about yesterday, Don,” I said. “The guy has speed, he’s up the street, I just don’t have any money or any gas,” said Don. Of course he didn’t. No surprise there. “Will you call?,” I asked. “Sure,” he said. Surprisingly, the dude answered right away. Nana came into the garage, asked what was going on. “I’m giving Don a ride,” I said.
“Don needs a ride to the hospital. Cody beat him up,” said Aimee. “That kid is out of control,” said Nana. “Where’s Linda?,” she asked me. “Linda went inside the house,” I said. “Don, let’s get out of here,” I said. I wanted to be long gone before any cops showed up from all the yelling and fighting. He was on it right away, told me where to go. The guy kept calling making sure we were showing up. Don told the guy I wanted a 20 in Spanish. A ¼ gram is 2.5,” I said after Don informed me that it would be heavy weighing .3. It’s now $10 for .1, 10 a point. Inflation of dope, haha. Still, it was only a 20. “Don, how much are you expecting from this? I gave you and Aimee $20 yesterday,” I said making myself known I wasn’t rich. “Just a couple hits. I’m not unreasonable. You’ll be taken care of,” he said. “Good,” I said.
We got there, the guy was waiting. I told Don I’d drop him off at the house because I sure as shit avoid all drama at all costs. “I’ve been arrested too many times,” I told him. “Fuck, if it happened again, I could kiss my career and my fucking life goodbye.” “I know, sweetheart, I’ve been arrested too many times too.” He has, but unlike me, they make a living of scamming all the time. Me? I have to pay rent and scamming and hookin would not be enough 2 keep a roof over my head. I told Aimee, “Nana takes care of that for you. Be realistic. What the hell are you gonna do when she dies? She’ll leave you the house, but you’ll have to pay the utilities, the upkeep, how you gonna pay for food, gas, ulilities?,” I asked. “We’ll have to sell the house and move to Oregon,” she said. “Nana is worried that the way you’re going through money, that there won’t be any inheritance left for you,” I said softly. “You’ve got to do something or you’ll all be on the street,” I said.
“Oregon’s cheaper, a lot better place to live than Cali,” she said. “You should come with us.” “You need to get off this shit,” I said. “I know. I’ll take that Ibogaine and detox. I’d love to be done with this!,” she said. “Yes, but what will you do with your time? Have you thought about that?,” I asked. “I’ll think of something!,” she said. God help me if I had the blasted motherfucking money, I’d get every single one of them off, especially Don and Aimee. Detox and start fresh. Who knows how that story will end. I decided once I got home, to fuck asking Don to search around for a new rig and fuck looking for one here too. The 2 lines did the trick, plus a little in a glass of juice, drink it all up. Put the line in the coconut, call me in the morning, haha. So, Crystal Hyde allowed me the joy of my life, the enthusiasm to sit and write and write and write, just like the old days. You have no IDEA how much I love this or what it means to me.
I wrote sober, but couldn’t for the life of me get nearly as much enthusiasm and physical endurance to do it the way Crystal Hyde can. She is the writer. TJ is the responsible one. I’m amazed at how fuckin fast time flew by, all ready past 10am. I started last night at what 10pm or so. There’s more to write too, but this concludes this chapter.