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Down That Road Again

jaggedpills

jaggedpills

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 25, 2010
Messages
188
Location
Canton, OH
Today I was just starting to feel better. I havent used all day. Not even an advil or anything. Then my mom comes home & starts telling me how much of a useless bitch cunt ass slut I am. What the fuck! Shes out fucking another guy & I'm a slut. She makes me feel like such crap & there is nothing I can do about it. I'm sitting here, crying & typing while I'm cutting the fuck out of my leg. I don't even care if I scar. I hate this shit. I hate living here. I hate that I have no one to talk to about this. I just want to fucking die ;_; !!!
 
I'm sure I did something wrong to make her so angry. I've been too emotional all day. Maybe having a coolheaded convo with her will help... Still not certain how to fix myself though.. I'm told I will need years of therapy to obtain any type of normalcy within my own mind... Anyway, thanks for the post.
 
^ are you Stuart Smalley?

JlilPills, you mentioned your no longer using. Have you considered maybe that's why your so emotional and vulnerable to your mothers insults? Stay strong and things might get better; and faster then you may think. Good Luck!
 
Hang in there sister, You are not alone.

Lets see if we can help you get out of this hole.

may I ask how old you are ?

It would help in deciding what advice to offer.

Keep strong mate, its uphill from here :)
 
you've got a full life yet to lead. it's great that you recognize your problems already and can deal with them. Best of luck to what I hope is a bright future for you.
 
From my experience the years between 14-20 were the most difficult times for me. It is very common at your age to have issues with anxiety and self-esteem but believe me it will get much, much better.

The teenage years are just a very confusing time. I'm not trying to be patronizing here, but I'm just trying to instill some hope for you. All of my friends who are interesting and intelligent in their 20's had very difficult times being a teenager.
 
My mom was psycho too after she got divorced. She would push down my bedroom door and scream at me over something every single day when she got home from work. She often said that my sister and me ruined her life and kept her from meeting someone. I know what it feels like. It really sucks. I look back and I was always crying or screaming or just in sheer anxiety because my mom was always screaming or blaming my sister and me for her life.

It's hard, because all you want to do is GTFO. If I hadn't met a nice guy, I know I would have moved in with any abuser, drug addict...anything to get the hell out of there. So, all I have to say is try to think before you get out. Don't move out with the wrong person or get caught up with the wrong crowd just to get away.

I used to lock my door to stop her from coming into my room, but then she'd just yell and bang on my door. A suggestion is try to go out or stay at a friends when she comes home or is in one of her moods. I moved out first, and my sis used to call me crying to come over and get away from her. It's so hard. I'm so sorry you have to go through it.
 
Sounds like you are in a chaotic environment that makes you feel completely out of control. You feel like you are unable to control your surrondings or who hurts you. So in order to feel some sort of sanity, something you can control is the pain you cause to yourself by cutting? Does that sound right? Cuz thats why I used to do it.

I also have detoxed, so I know what you are going through on that end as well. And if you can imagine it, I was also 17 once. Trust me, stay stong and know that you are a good person, do what you feel is right for you and things will work out. You can not be responsible for anyone but yourself. So, if your mom wants to call you names thats her problem. I would recommend getting some sorta help though.

A shrink, therapist, na group, etc. You can not live in this world alone, you need people around you that are positive influences on you.

Also, can I ask what is/are your drugs of choice?

pm me if you want.
 
thanks all. my mom is fucking crazy right now, so yeah. hopefully i can move out soon, after i turn 18. although my dad & little brother still would be living with her... im hoping i can be strong enough for myself & them. maybe id be able to stick around & help them out too :)
 
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