Down that Fabulous Heroin ride..again.

[baerr]

baerr slept..!? oooh.. . would you imagine that! sleeps are soooo, so nice.

well dang with sleep and hopefully more sleep you really should be pulling through strongly and those shivvvers to sweats should start to let up for you. really sweet that you are not having any issues with having the jimmy legs! i always found it kind of silly when all of a sudden out of no where you get hit by a cold shake all through out your body- especially if other people caught a glimpse. got to try and find some humor in the goofy little twerks in going through it because it is so darn miserable a little smile can go a long way. you doing/feeling ok? taking some ibuprofen or naproxen for the aches and pains? you are totally beating this thing down.. . and doing a great job!

seems kind of like a good time to be in-between employment in giving you the space to deal with this and not be stressed about "timing". i know that could be a bitch for me and also seemed to justify "oh yeah i just need to get through this... then i can".. yep ok, right. this could be a great time to evaluate/consider some directions to help continue in your recovery and maybe trying to connect it to a job you might wana look into. i was having a really tough time in managing my work and trying to address my health/addiction. they really played off each other or fed into each other or both. i had to totally take a step back at a certain point and decide what was most important- the choice was recovery. with out it eventually (sooner then later i am sure) there would of been no "career" any way.

thanks for the good words b!! i still am in re-hab- just kidding. i actually have never gone to a real rehab facility, not to say i would not have gone. i am at a point now where this is the longest i have been opiate free sine 05!! i need to get an ice cream cake. i am really, really happy to have made it to this point and to keep looking forward. just like you it has been a roller coaster of events and use. i too want no more. it feels so nice to be consistently day in and day out with out having to use to regulate what "seems" like stability.

hope you get some rest again... are feeling better bit by bit.. keep going and keep up the good work!!

YES i did sleep lastnight, ofcourse i woke up a couple of times, but it totally beats the hell out of like..30 times? lol. You know the drill. Unfortunately i did have the jimmery legs but for some reason the cold and hot sweats just annoy the fuck out of my above everything else! I am definatly starting to do better, i am thankful that i only relapsed for a couple of weeks, things really could have been much worse! I was a user for three years to lady H before and let me tell you what, that was a beast to beat. Also though there comes a time and place where you just gotta throw your hands up and surrender "IM DONE". Thank you for listening to me complain and bitch for the last couple of days LOL. Your words have helped me alot.

That was kinda how i was feeling with the employment situation, Because i actually ended up quitting instead of getting fired. I really needed to step back and just do what i needed to do. I needed to make changes in my life for the last time and be there for MYSELF. Not to mention my last job was REALLY fucking my over and i have wanted to leave there for quite some time. My manager has messed with my head there for nearly two years and many other girls that i work with, (she doesnt care about her job, she is manager because corporate owns her because she embezzled money from the company). SO that makes it hard to work for someone who clearly could give less of a shit other than paying off her dues!

mmm ice cream cake, MAN have i been craving the sweets lately ha. Clean since 05?! kudos to you. That is truely amazing, your sorta an idol to me right now! Haha that is some work done my friend! keep going strong, its people like you that let others know it is certainly possible.

 

[pro re nata]

shit... i wish since 05.lol... this is the longest i have been opiate free since 05. well.... i hope i did not let you down!! i went through a super tough, looooong withdrawal this past winter.. i only have used a small amount of oxy for a week after a surgery this past march

but yeah i like to think i have been clean 8 years!! sounds great!

those hot and cold flashes always made me CONSTANTLY get up and down - flip around - huff and puff.. like playing musical chairs with myself.. how does that even work?? it will pass soon for you.. if you slept last night you will sleep tonight= win. you are handling things like a champ!! we will both have to get an ice cream cake! heroin is such a bitch and hard to break from, any strong opiate so yeah celebration is totally a important part in the steps we make towards staying clean. you caught your relapse at a perfect time just think if it would of inched along for two more weeks.... ughhhh. . it can happen so easily. you will have to make yourself a teeshirt simple put "IM DONE" with a small "H" on the back!

dude your job sounded like some tense drama with a boss lady that was not for the crew- lame, just straight negative. you are making changes all around it really sounds like it is for all the best in moving in a progressive healthy way.. that is what's up!! you have the right idea in taking care of yourself right now. have you been thinking about checking a different type of job?

you are sounding so, so, so much better and i am sure you are feeling that way! high five. tomorrow is going to be even that much better!! you are going to come out of this little slip with way more insight, strength, and momentum then you could of ever expected. you are doing great!!