Childhood is meant to be a place of trust and innocence but sadly for many of us this is not the case. I was only eight years old when I discovered the harshness of the real world. I was subjected to countless diets by my mother from an early age. She would prod my skinny rib cage and find layers of imaginary fat to condemn. Looking back at childhood pictures and my boney little frame it was nothing other than cruelty and neglect. I was starved until I reached a weight that was far too low for my height and collapsed as a result. Even this did not deter my mother and after months of ill treatment I caught pneumonia and she had to ease up on me. Whenever I gained weight she would ration my food carefully again. I would try to sneak food out of the fridge but whenever she noticed it was missing I was punished by my rations being cut even more. My mother insisted I was fat and ugly and I had ruined her life by being born. One day I sat staring at my dog Blues bowl of dog food and biscuits and gave in to temptation. I scooped out a small handful. It made me gag and retch so much that my Grandmother heard and was distraught when she discovered what I was doing. She immediately stuck her fingers down my throat and made me vomit. I sobbed and coughed as she held me and I cried "Don't tell anyone Mum will kill me if she finds out". Nan made me promise not to do it again but sadly I could not keep that promise. I felt guilty about taking the food from Blue at first. Then one day I was playing a game of catch on the floor with Blue. I was pretending to be a dog wagging its tail and barking at him. He did it back but then suddenly unexpectedly he went over to his bowl picked up a biscuit and threw it up in the air so that it landed at my feet. I picked it up an nibbled it pretending to eat it. Then he wagged his tail and trotted over to his bowl, picked a biscuit and dropped it right infront of me. Blue went to his bowl again, picked up another biscuit and noisily crunched on it watching me as I chewed on mine.
Years later I confronted my Mother about the terrible deprivation she had inflicted on me. She insisted it had been for my own good and that I was and still am fat and disgusting. I find it hard to forgive her all these years later. My Grandmother did her best to protect me but she too was terrified of my Mum. I think I probably would have been dead if it wasn't for her.
Years later I confronted my Mother about the terrible deprivation she had inflicted on me. She insisted it had been for my own good and that I was and still am fat and disgusting. I find it hard to forgive her all these years later. My Grandmother did her best to protect me but she too was terrified of my Mum. I think I probably would have been dead if it wasn't for her.
so sorry