Dont see a way out:-(

[andyn6990]

Ive been on a 48 hour binge on stimulants and alcohol i havnt slept and havnt eaten and ijust dont want to sober up i only feel happy when on stimulants and booze and listening to my trance, when im sober i have no life i basically just exist , im numb emotionally i dont want to kill myself i dont want to do the things i enjoy ,i just am ,im a shell of the person i once was i basically dont care anymore i feel like ive lived my life already! Id br quite happy to let the stimulants and alcohol kill me in th end im 26 now by the way,I suffer from aspergers so im kind of always in my own world with my trance and stuff, Much love too you all!

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi andy, I totally understand why you turn to stims and alcohol to feel better, but to be honest they are probably making your situation worse! The way you feel when you're coming down/hungover is probably making you feel more withdrawn from society, which just perpetuates the vicious cycle you're in.

Have you tried to get help for your drug and alcohol use before? Or have you perhaps had any counselling or anything like that? Whether or not you want help, and if you want out of this cycle is up to you. But if you do want help there are plenty of ways to get it. But you have to reach out, and you have to try.

Do you feel like you want to change your current situation?

 

[OverDone]

sadly, this is exactly how many of us eventually get. For me, it was actually a sign of being at the end of the road. What is it that makes you say that you don't want to stop? The reason I ask is because I don't believe this is the case. Sorry if I am incorrect but, I am simply re-living my own past by reading your words and visualizing 'you' as 'me'.

I remember being that 'shell' and I couldn't stand one second of myself if I wasn't high on something.

Is it fear that is holding you back from become you again? The amount of effort and commitment required? The false comfort in getting that 'next one'?

Forgive me for taking free reign on the questions and presumptions but, I can't help but be reminded of me in this post

I hope you find some sort of direction, motivation and perhaps a tiny bit of hope sooner than later. This fantasy of the perpetual high will eventually be exposed and reality will be hitting hard. Just know that, when it does, I can freely and honestly say that I understand and we will be here when you need us

 

[andyn6990]

Thanks for the replies, yes i do want to stop i just want to feel my old self again , i think its coz the depression is so bad im kind of confused like my old self is there but the depression and numbness is covering it so i feel like a totally different person, to be honest im scared coz i dont know where ill end up ,i just feel so lost and confused! Im kind of trying to live in the past i keep thinking about the amazing highs of stimulants i used to have but now the highs are no where near as good as they use to be i feel like im kidding myself!

 

[andyn6990]

Yeah its almost as if ive forgotten wot i used to feel and the stimulants over the past few years have made my anxiety and issues worse and when the emotions come bk after a few weeks of being clean i binge again to get the numbness but its like with every binge a small part of me went with it and now ive got to the point where i feel almost empty :-(

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Have you tried therapy before?

 

[Allein]

Hi Andy,

I think there are a fair few people on here who are on or have been in down the same road.

Are we doing the drugs and booze because we are unhappy or are we unhappy becuase we do the drugs and booze?? for me the question is just not worth even trying to answer, it wouldnt help even if we knew.

I'd at least try to cut out the stimulants, it will at least help you better asses you underlying state of mind. TBH when I did this last year things didnt get better at all and I drank even more but I was, at least able to seek some profesional help.

I havent taken stimulants in months but still struggle with the booze a bit, things are better but its slow going, stability is soemthing in itself even if happyness still seems no more than someone elses distant dream.

Best Wishes mate hope things get better for you, feel free to drop me a PM anytime

 

[chitown rollin]

Andy - much love to you too brotha. When you say things like 'the person I once was' it leads me to believe that you can get back to where you were at one point. Taking alcohol and stimulants is not the answer! It's hard to see this on your own but checking into a 12-step program or a IOP or inpatient program will not only help you to get off of drugs, but more importantly help you learn how to live a happy and fulfilling life without drugs! Think about it.

 

[Dedbeet]

You have to face the reality of life as it is. Even being on the booze and stimulants, does it really prevent facing it? No, it doesn't. Taking a cold, hard look at things as they are is sometimes the only cure... whether you're ready for that or not is up to you. The drugs are not stopping you, only your own desire not to see.

It's hard for everyone... don't feel alone in that regard. We all face human bugaboos such as aloneness, loss and our eventual death. Coming to terms with it is hard, but it's possible. See the need for it.

Peace...