Don't know where to begin

[JackARoe]

I made an appointment with a physician for tomorrow on my day off. I'm just worried that there is so much here to untangle, I won't be able to to articulate myself well if I'm still feeling like this/overly anxious, and that I'm basically dropping this huge bombshell on a doctor that is already overworked and overwhelmed that will not have the patience to deal with a nightmare patient such as myself.

Bingo, you are like me. We don't like to upset people. Where some people would go into a doctors office and demand a cure we go in not wanting to bother the overpaid dude. I need to work on that. No amount of positive affirmation, tapping, convincing myself has even made a dent in my own insecurities. That alone feels BAD. Jumbles the insides. Is it the cause or effect?

I have no doubt you will feel better OP. Keep posting, if this is a mixture of substances mixed with some psychological stuff then it will resolve. Get the blood test and make sure nothing is glaring. Then keep posting. I am willing to bet you make it past this. I have read all the posts since your first one on the topic.

 

[gabafucked]

I'm taking 400mgs of Lyrica a day and I find that it actually helps with my anxiety, however I am often taken 3mgs of Alprazolam on top. Having said that, more often than not I find I dont need to take the Alprazolam at all during the day for anxiety and I'll keep them for night-time to ensure I get to sleep early in order to be up early.

Poor nutrition is something you must address as soon as possible considering you're about to start a tapering process (as far as I know you are, unless I'm mistaken). Whats your diet looking like at the moment? You getting your three meals a day and if so what do they typically consist of? Drinking plenty of water? What about caffeine? What weight are you?

Yeah the nutrition has definite been a massive problem my whole life. I'm trying to get ahold of it. I definitely do not drink enough water and I don't think I've ever eaten a regular 3 meals. I am trying to drink at least 3 bottles of water a day right now one of them with an electrolyte drink packet in it and I'll try to increase. My eating for example yesterday I had a premier protein, a few sticks of beef jerky and chicken strips with a multivitamin. Terrible I know but better than what I was doing. I don't have a ton of caffeine intake usually the most will be Excedrin for headaches and a single redbull rarely a second one too, but I know I should cut that as well. Just another thing that is going to make me feel worse as I give it up lol. I made an appointment with a physician tomorrow and hopefully she is good. I just feel like I'm dropping a bombshell and she either just won't be equipped to handle it or it will be too much for her busy schedule.

 

[gabafucked]

Bingo, you are like me. We don't like to upset people. Where some people would go into a doctors office and demand a cure we go in not wanting to bother the overpaid dude. I need to work on that. No amount of positive affirmation, tapping, convincing myself has even made a dent in my own insecurities. That alone feels BAD. Jumbles the insides. Is it the cause or effect?

I have no doubt you will feel better OP. Keep posting, if this is a mixture of substances mixed with some psychological stuff then it will resolve. Get the blood test and make sure nothing is glaring. Then keep posting. I am willing to bet you make it past this. I have read all the posts since your first one on the topic.

Yes! We are people pleasers. I cannot stand for people to be upset with me. I will worry about it after they have already forgotten about it.

I really appreciate the affirmation. I want to keep believing it will be better. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to endure things worsening from tapering/quitting the gabapentin and kratom. I haven't done a "real" drug in a decade but I feel as if these things have caused me way more grief than any real drug did! I will keep posting. I come here when I'm feeling like I was this morning because I don't feel like I can convey any of this in real life. I wasn't even sure anyone would read it or respond, but I really appreciate those of you that do.

 

[gabafucked]

Had the appointment with the doctor today. It didn't go well. 1.5 hours til my night dose of gabapentin and I'm feeling uncomfortable and anxious. I can't tell if it's interdose withdrawal or anxiety. Or something else. Living life like this sucks. I take the same dose, same time, same way of gabapentin and kratom. Why do I feel so unstable all the time withdrawal wise when I'm not cheating on the dose. Not taking extra or anything. I just don't understand.

 

[snmfmy]

Oh yeah of course I didn't take it as trivializing at all and I really appreciate anyone's input. I feel like I can't talk about this in person with anyone. I was going to a clinic that did IM ketamine therapy and it was really great. I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can get started again. It's been over a year since my last treatment I think.

I wouldn't mind having a small stash of benzos when I finally do withdrawal from the kratom and gabapentin, but I am so worried they will just cause rebound anxiety when they wear off. Gabapentin and kratom are like THE comfort meds for withdrawal, and I'm not sure there is anything I will be able to take to bring some relief. I am going to taper as much as possible, but I know there is still going to be some rough withdrawal no matter how much I taper.

You need long acting moderate to mild benzos and then you won't have the rebound anxiety. I'm talking Valium or Librium.

I've taken Librium for alcohol detox and for up 4 weeks following, and no rebound anxiety because you taper over those four weeks

 

[snmfmy]

Had the appointment with the doctor today. It didn't go well. 1.5 hours til my night dose of gabapentin and I'm feeling uncomfortable and anxious. I can't tell if it's interdose withdrawal or anxiety. Or something else. Living life like this sucks. I take the same dose, same time, same way of gabapentin and kratom. Why do I feel so unstable all the time withdrawal wise when I'm not cheating on the dose. Not taking extra or anything. I just don't understand.

How much gabapentin do you take a day?

Gabapentin do you take per dose? Cuz I couldn't find it in a thread

 

[FindingSobriety]

Had the appointment with the doctor today. It didn’t go well.

Are you seeing a Doctor? Or are you seeing a Psychiatrist? There’s a big difference.

 

[gabafucked]

How much gabapentin do you take a day?

Gabapentin do you take per dose? Cuz I couldn't find it in a thread

3 grams total. 1800mg in the morning (300mg every 30 minutes) and 1200mg in the evening staggered as well.

 

[gabafucked]

Are you seeing a Doctor? Or are you seeing a Psychiatrist? There’s a big difference.

Well I'm not seeing either right now just a nurse practitioner who prescribes my meds. Basically doing things on my own. I was trying to see a physician today but didn't like her. I could try to find a psychiatrist as well. My fear is having the gabapentin taken away before I can slowly taper and being thrown into worse withdrawal. Part of my fear also comes from the unknown - is this happening to me because I'm addicted to gabapentin? Kratom? Because my iron is low again? Something else? I also am terrified that I will not be able to handle the withdrawal. I've seen people talk about how the withdrawal from both of these isn't really that bad, but I'm taking both on a regular schedule and still feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.

I find myself awake at 3 am yet again woken up with anxiety. I always feel it in my chest and stomach like a pit and I have to be careful to not let it turn into panic. I need to get another iron infusion and see if that helps. I think it did last time. There may be a relation between when my iron is really low and these symptoms. It's only been 9 hours since my night time dose of gabapentin. I could try to get a third dose in somewhere to try to stretch it, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to do that. I would have to take some away from my morning and/or night dose and I don't know if that would leave enough for those doses to also keep me well. I also don't think it would last me through the night still...

Sorry I always post so much but I feel like I need to put in longer explanations especially when I'm anxious. I can't believe that I'm in this position now that I'm 33 and have a decent life for the first time.

 

[snmfmy]

3 grams total. 1800mg in the morning (300mg every 30 minutes) and 1200mg in the evening staggered as well.

I was at 2400 mg a day 800 mg morning, afternoon and evening.

I would change to 600 mg every 2 hours for 6 hours and keep the evening.

There is new evidence that it is not necessarily a true statement that gabapentin has saturable by availability.

A study of epileptics using doses up to more than 4000 mg a day Showed linear dynamics throughout the whole dose range.

The main thing you need to do is transition to where your dosage is 900 mg three times a day

Than 900 mg 600 mg 900 mg, then 600 600 900

Than 600 600 600 and so on until you got to 300 300-300. And then ask for 100 mg capsules and continue

300 200 300 then 200. 200 300 than 200 200 200

Obviously you would stay at each taper level until you adjusted.

 

[snmfmy]

Well I'm not seeing either right now just a nurse practitioner who prescribes my meds. Basically doing things on my own. I was trying to see a physician today but didn't like her. I could try to find a psychiatrist as well. My fear is having the gabapentin taken away before I can slowly taper and being thrown into worse withdrawal. Part of my fear also comes from the unknown - is this happening to me because I'm addicted to gabapentin? Kratom? Because my iron is low again? Something else? I also am terrified that I will not be able to handle the withdrawal. I've seen people talk about how the withdrawal from both of these isn't really that bad, but I'm taking both on a regular schedule and still feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.

I find myself awake at 3 am yet again woken up with anxiety. I always feel it in my chest and stomach like a pit and I have to be careful to not let it turn into panic. I need to get another iron infusion and see if that helps. I think it did last time. There may be a relation between when my iron is really low and these symptoms. It's only been 9 hours since my night time dose of gabapentin. I could try to get a third dose in somewhere to try to stretch it, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to do that. I would have to take some away from my morning and/or night dose and I don't know if that would leave enough for those doses to also keep me well. I also don't think it would last me through the night still...

Sorry I always post so much but I feel like I need to put in longer explanations especially when I'm anxious. I can't believe that I'm in this position now that I'm 33 and have a decent life for the first time.

Yes if you taper it's not that bad

I was giving you a very extended taper. I tapered off in 3 weeks and had no significant withdrawal.

When my doctor fucked my prescription up one time and I had to go 5 days without gabapentin that was difficult, nowhere near alcohol withdrawal but not pleasant.

Benzodiazepines do not lessen gabapentin withdrawal symptoms at all. That's because they don't work on the same receptor system.

Gabapentin is a calcium channel blocker and also induces greater surface expression and potentially increased density of extra-synaptic gabaa receptors. It is not an allosteric modulator of synaptic Gaba A. Receptors like benzodiazepines are.

 

[gabafucked]

I was at 2400 mg a day 800 mg morning, afternoon and evening.

I would change to 600 mg every 2 hours for 6 hours and keep the evening.

There is new evidence that it is not necessarily a true statement that gabapentin has saturable by availability.

A study of epileptics using doses up to more than 4000 mg a day Showed linear dynamics throughout the whole dose range.

The main thing you need to do is transition to where your dosage is 900 mg three times a day

Than 900 mg 600 mg 900 mg, then 600 600 900

Than 600 600 600 and so on until you got to 300 300-300. And then ask for 100 mg capsules and continue

300 200 300 then 200. 200 300 than 200 200 200

Obviously you would stay at each taper level until you adjusted.

Thanks for responding.

600 every 2 hours? Do you not think that would just get my body used to more frequent dosing? Im also not sure that amount would relieve my withdrawal if my body is used to 1800 over such a short period? Sorry I'm also not trying to argue. I'm just scared and overthinking because I'm so afraid of destabilizing myself even more than I already am. I can't believe just gabapentin has me fucked up like this especially when I've stabilized my dose. Basically the only relief I feel anymore is for the first like 8 hours of the day and even that feels like it's becoming more tenuous.

Does what I'm experiencing even line up with gabapentin to you?

 

[snmfmy]

Thanks for responding.

600 every 2 hours? Do you not think that would just get my body used to more frequent dosing? Im also not sure that amount would relieve my withdrawal if my body is used to 1800 over such a short period? Sorry I'm also not trying to argue. I'm just scared and overthinking because I'm so afraid of destabilizing myself even more than I already am. I can't believe just gabapentin has me fucked up like this especially when I've stabilized my dose. Basically the only relief I feel anymore is for the first like 8 hours of the day and even that feels like it's becoming more tenuous.

Does what I'm experiencing even line up with gabapentin to you?

You're currently dosing 300 every half hour for 3 hours. And if you are like some of the people evaluated, that means you're giving yourself a higher dose effectively because gabapentin is more bioavailable at lower doses.

I was thinking it would be 600 600 600 then wait till the evening and do 600 600 for a couple of days and then go to 900-900-900

Stabilize and then start reducing

 

[gabafucked]

Yes if you taper it's not that bad

I was giving you a very extended taper. I tapered off in 3 weeks and had no significant withdrawal.

When my doctor fucked my prescription up one time and I had to go 5 days without gabapentin that was difficult, nowhere near alcohol withdrawal but not pleasant.

Benzodiazepines do not lessen gabapentin withdrawal symptoms at all. That's because they don't work on the same receptor system.

Gabapentin is a calcium channel blocker and also induces greater surface expression and potentially increased density of extra-synaptic gabaa receptors. It is not an allosteric modulator of synaptic Gaba A. Receptors like benzodiazepines are.

Again thank you for responding.

What I don't understand is if it's not that bad why am I already feeling this way all the time when I haven't even dropped my dose yet? I also stopped taking it once before like 4-5 years ago, but I was only taking a single large dose every morning. I also never had symptoms like I am now.

I understand that benzos won't be of any relief. I don't take any of those fortunately

 

[snmfmy]

Again thank you for responding.

What I don't understand is if it's not that bad why am I already feeling this way all the time when I haven't even dropped my dose yet? I also stopped taking it once before like 4-5 years ago, but I was only taking a single large dose every morning. I also never had symptoms like I am now.

I understand that benzos won't be of any relief. I don't take any of those fortunately

Because what you're feeling is not that bad.

If you think you're going to get away with stopping gabapentin in any reasonable time frame without a little bit of discomfort, you're not.

 

[snmfmy]

Again thank you for responding.

What I don't understand is if it's not that bad why am I already feeling this way all the time when I haven't even dropped my dose yet? I also stopped taking it once before like 4-5 years ago, but I was only taking a single large dose every morning. I also never had symptoms like I am now.

I understand that benzos won't be of any relief. I don't take any of those fortunately

And you shouldn't go further than 8 hours without a dose

 

[snmfmy]

That's probably what's making you feel like crap. You have to stay at 8 hour dosings because the half life is around 7 hours. Maybe a little less.

 

[snmfmy]

I mean I guess you could go straight to 900 in the morning and then stretch it eight take 1200 then stretch it 9 hours take 900 and then you should have a 7 hour stretch to the morning.

Then get on a strict every 8 hours. When you're at 999

 

[gabafucked]

You're currently dosing 300 every half hour for 3 hours. And if you are like some of the people evaluated, that means you're giving yourself a higher dose effectively because gabapentin is more bioavailable at lower doses.

I was thinking it would be 600 600 600 then wait till the evening and do 600 600 for a couple of days and then go to 900-900-900

Stabilize and then start reducing

I see. I'm unsure of how taking a lower dose would help though as wouldn't that just mean the peak levels would be lower and not be enough to relieve withdrawal?

I have been stabilized on taking this amount for months now (at least 4-6 without cheating) but it feels like I'm getting worse and not stable. I'm starting to basically wake up with anxiety every night now, and even during the day I'm starting to feel bad when even just a month or two ago I was fine after finishing my morning dose.

I need to cut the modafinil out too. I'm afraid it may be partially contributing as well. But I feel like it's the only way I'm capable of making it through my 12 hour work days.

 

[gabafucked]

Because what you're feeling is not that bad.

If you think you're going to get away with stopping gabapentin in any reasonable time frame without a little bit of discomfort, you're not.

I suppose you're right. Enough to be causing me a lot of distress at times though. I fear destabilizing into something worse and not being able to get it back and just fucking up my whole life that I have built. Something decent for the first time in my 33 years. And I feel helpless. I'm not getting anything good from the kratom or gabapentin anymore. Only short bursts of relief during which I try to not worry.