don't know what to do with myself

[rant*N*rave]

I've been in the exact same place. Shit, I'm there now... I can't tell you much besides what everyone else has said (CBT, exercise, eating right), but I can tell you that it does pass.

You should also consider (under the supervision of a physician!) adding a relatively high dose of vitamin D, a B complex, and fish oil to your regimen. I take 4000 IU of vitamin D a day, and I can point you in the direction of a substantial amount of research that shows that the FDA value is WAY too low, to the point of being dangerous... The B complex will keep your metabolism up and running so you have more energy, and the vitamin D does a whole slew of good things that will help you feel much better, including direct psychological effects (it's actually used to help treat seasonal depression, and it's implicated as part of the cause of it - people have less vitamin D in the winter because of the lack of sun). Fish oil actually helps my depression in and of itself (research has shown that it can have a positive impact in some people with mental illness, particularly depression, and while it's not as effective as prescription drugs, I can say for certain that it helps me), and it is really, really, really, really great for your body. And the B complex is fun, because it'll turn your piss neon yellow. :D

 

[hobhead]

it is depression speaking . i have suffered bouts of severe, recurrent depression though out my life . some meds made it worse, some had insufferable side effects and some did nothing useful .

i have never had talk therapy and have no idea of what i might suggest to you along the lines of useful suggestions . However, as another poster said--it does pass .

Think of the times in your life when the misery of depression was not an in your face, all day emotional problem . No one who has suffered what you are enduring would wish it on their worst enemy .

Some of the substances (illicit or prescribed) that we put into our systems have subtle effects on mood that do us in . It's difficult to be objective about that as the fucking mind is so complex .

 

[PVMD]

i'm not sure if I see any gradual improvement as the effects are pretty shorty lived. But I read some article talking about how elite athletes are always filled with very positive thoughts, so maybe if I push myself more and more I will see that longer lasting benefit.

Hobbies... can't say I've really found any hobbies, it's still an uphill battle as far as taking an interest in things but hopefully I can scrape up some cash and take up muay thai kickboxing or something....

but actually my sister does drag me along to take yoga with her , and i go mountain biking every so often

The fact that you seem to be able to stick with things, and try new things is a very very good sign.



Let me get a little philosophical;

Much good stuff have been covered in this thread, but if I'd have to boil it down to one answer it'd have to be perseverance.

The only way to win is to live life, the only way to lose is to give up on the same.