therealbeats
Bluelighter
[Redacted]
Thanks all, but don't want this up.
Thanks all, but don't want this up.
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Don't know what to do. lost
- Thread starter therealbeats
- Start date
angeleyes
Bluelight Crew
Thisssssss!
Look at you go, throughout the years that you have lived, it was very brave of you to step up and admit an addiction. That takes a lot of dedication, willpower & guts to want to get clean and despite your ex blowing hundreds of g's on coke, what happened to you? You got mixed up with some alcoholics, it definitely sounds like you went through a much better path in life. You are sitting here now in your home on Bluelight, not living on the street, already that is really fantastic.
That's great how you are just chilling here in a mild manner. You are not obviously getting so completely wasted that you are into another void while your brother is there. He copies you, so surely you want him to copy the best person ever, who doesn't want to be their brother if they're totally cool. I don't know the age different between you and your brother but I'm telling you now that biological urge younger brothers have wanting to be as cool/better/morechix than their older brother will never fade!
Keep it together and cool and collected and surely you will be able to always guide him onto the right path until he is properly older to start making his own decisions. You want him to now remember you as the brother who was awesome and was always there for him no matter what and was stable, rather than him having to see what doesn't have to be seen.
Really? You could have fooled me.
Honestly, I've just simply pointed out plain and simple what you are already doing.
You should try and become the best role model for your brother, if he is moved in with you it sounds like you are basically the alpha male/breadwinner/father figure of the household, set a good example for him, you want him to remember that he grew up in a good, proper and loving home that had good meals and he actually felt safe to sleep at night... give him a good life.
Keep up the good work and keep your head up too. Hope for you everything works out, I really really do.
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May I ask how long it has been since you sobered up? It will take some time to fill the empty void that you're left with after using for so long. My suggestion to you is do not dwell on past mistakes, instead focus on what you can do better. I know this is easier said than done. The past is the past, everyone has shit that they regret. It's healthy to spend some time here and there to think about the past, but don't overdo it.
If you don't have any hobbies I think finding out what you enjoy doing is a good start. There must be something, anything (besides drugs). Perhaps spending time with your brother will help you, and it could also be that you'll find one of his hobbies appealing at the same time.
You say you don't know how to exist without being a piece of shit, and while I obviously don't know you, I doubt this is true. I think you should look to the future and start being the person you want to be. Being nicer to people in general is a good start, but also being less judgmental. I'm not saying you're a dick or very judgmental, but one can always do better. I think you will have an easy time being understanding to people, having been caught up in drugs for as long as you.
I won't pretend to have all the solutions to your problems, but I feel these things are key in feeling better about oneself in general no matter who you are. The things you have listed in your post doesn't seem that bad to me, not that you should not regret them, but don't beat yourself up about them. People make mistakes. Doesn't mean you're a bad person. In fact, the fact that you feel this regret and guilt just tells me that you're a good person who strives to become better. I'd be worried if you didn't feel this stuff.
Find yourself, save some dosh, and go back to school, or learn a trade. Shit will unfold by itself in due time. The key is to find contentness in life, and build from there.
Good luck with it.
If you don't have any hobbies I think finding out what you enjoy doing is a good start. There must be something, anything (besides drugs). Perhaps spending time with your brother will help you, and it could also be that you'll find one of his hobbies appealing at the same time.
You say you don't know how to exist without being a piece of shit, and while I obviously don't know you, I doubt this is true. I think you should look to the future and start being the person you want to be. Being nicer to people in general is a good start, but also being less judgmental. I'm not saying you're a dick or very judgmental, but one can always do better. I think you will have an easy time being understanding to people, having been caught up in drugs for as long as you.
I won't pretend to have all the solutions to your problems, but I feel these things are key in feeling better about oneself in general no matter who you are. The things you have listed in your post doesn't seem that bad to me, not that you should not regret them, but don't beat yourself up about them. People make mistakes. Doesn't mean you're a bad person. In fact, the fact that you feel this regret and guilt just tells me that you're a good person who strives to become better. I'd be worried if you didn't feel this stuff.
Find yourself, save some dosh, and go back to school, or learn a trade. Shit will unfold by itself in due time. The key is to find contentness in life, and build from there.
Good luck with it.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
I want to echo what afterlyfestyle has said, your post looks so down on yourself but the simple points that you are what you are today is phenomenal. You don't give yourself enough credit. It's going to be hard, you changed your mind and your idea of the world and how it feels by doing drugs, now that they are gone, it's like there carpets been ripped out from underneath you. It's difficult to figure what is fun, what is normal.
Meetings didn't work for me, coming online to Bluelight to the recovery sections to talk with people has helped me feel less worthless and more like a normal person. Try to find something you can do daily (preferably with other people) a job, meetings, online support, etc. that will make you feel grounded. I can't really outline exactly how it has helped me since the process was gradual and I didn't even notice it happening, but try to find something to fill that void in your life .
You are a good person, a good role model, you have the capabilities to be a very successful person. Nobody ever said life was easy, drugs or no drugs, we just need to push through it. Having people by your side helps.
Meetings didn't work for me, coming online to Bluelight to the recovery sections to talk with people has helped me feel less worthless and more like a normal person.
Try to find something you can do daily (preferably with other people) a job, meetings, online support, etc. that will make you feel grounded. I can't really outline exactly how it has helped me since the process was gradual and I didn't even notice it happening, but try to find something to fill that void in your life . You are a good person, a good role model, you have the capabilities to be a very successful person. Nobody ever said life was easy, drugs or no drugs, we just need to push through it
. Having people by your side helps.
therealbeats
Bluelighter
[Redacted]
Thank you though. I will keep trying.
@afterlyfestyle
I will. Thank you
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Rox
Bluelighter
That's a good thought. Some of us are different, well we are all different in our brain chemistry.
There are around 30,000 available paths of communication between nueron receptors in our mind which cummincation directly with our central nervous system, literally a housing for what people term a 'soul.' At any given time there are 1,000s of electrical sparks of activity between these receptors, some of it a chemical called serotonin which has been the chemical most studied in the past, and this chemical is created by eating foods. There are other chemicals that are produced naturally without consuming anything, we can say that 'we create them' but it is more of an unconscious process. For a person like most of us here, we have experimented in higher forms of consciousness by manipulating these reactors, overflowing them sometimes like an unconscious sacrifice. So it is very interesting that you would have that experience.
There are around 30,000 available paths of communication between nueron receptors in our mind which cummincation directly with our central nervous system, literally a housing for what people term a 'soul.' At any given time there are 1,000s of electrical sparks of activity between these receptors, some of it a chemical called serotonin which has been the chemical most studied in the past, and this chemical is created by eating foods. There are other chemicals that are produced naturally without consuming anything, we can say that 'we create them' but it is more of an unconscious process. For a person like most of us here, we have experimented in higher forms of consciousness by manipulating these reactors, overflowing them sometimes like an unconscious sacrifice. So it is very interesting that you would have that experience.