Don't know if I can take much more...

[nuttynutskin]

Nutty's Long Distance Relationship Soap Opera

I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown after things have changed in a pretty serious long term relationship. Got into a big argument last night on the phone when she mentioned she might be interested in someone else. I'm still in shock as things had been going good and it pretty much came just out of no where for her to say this. Despite our ups and downs over about 3 years she's never said she didn't want to be with me or work things out except one time in the past when I was drinking way too much.

Today when I talked to her, her only real justification was that she's lonely, but she knew that it would take time for me to be able to move there and that was understood between us (so I thought). She said basically she wants to back off on things with me for now, yet when I asked her if there was any chance of things working out she said yes. The other thing I noticed was that she didn't seem like herself because she wasn't really showing any sympathy when I was telling her how sad I was etc. And that's not like her. I feel like my hearts been ripped out and my brain's been put in a blender. If this doesn't work out, I don't think I'll ever have any hope of any relationship ever working. I've been through too many. She will always be the one I love no matter what happens. Don't know if I can take much more pain that is life.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

You're in a long distance relationship or an online one?

 

[nuttynutskin]

Long distance... We've visited each other three times in the last 2 years.

 

[Mysterie]

i think she might have said "theres a chance of things working out" bcus she wants to have you as a backup if this new guy fails

if things dont work out that doesnt mean you wont be able to have another relationship, that soulmate feeling (this is the only person for me) starts fading with time

you cant control other people's actions so try not to take it too hard, its inevitable that if you guys break up you will be in misery but it wont be excruciating if you use your time diverting your mind through interests you have.

practicing mindfulness meditation is the best method i have found to help you put things in perspective after someone shatters your heart

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Long distance... We've visited each other three times in the last 2 years.

=O Well.. that's your problem bud. You guys definitely need to see each other waay more. It's no wonder she feels lonely. I mean, when exactly were you planning on moving closer to her?

 

[nuttynutskin]

i think she might have said "theres a chance of things working out" bcus she wants to have you as a backup if this new guy fails

I don't even think she's gone out with the guy she was talking about, but she may have. I just can't fathom how one day everything's fine and we're flirting on the phone and talking about how much we love eachother and literally the next she just nonchalantly tells me there's someone she's interested in. No warning, no signs things were going bad at least as far as I could tell. Feel like my heart's been torn out.

 

[nuttynutskin]

=O Well.. that's your problem bud. You guys definitely need to see each other waay more. It's no wonder she feels lonely. I mean, when exactly were you planning on moving closer to her?

We had planned that I would try to move there in about a year.

 

[bunnymunro]

Mate, I have attempted many LDRs for one reason or another, and they are such hard work, and in my experience, pretty much never work out.
If I go into one, I believe that it just might, it costs a fortune in airfares, acres of heartache and doubt, and usually this is non-refundable.
Perhaps there are others with success stories, but I could write a book on them...perhaps I shall one day...
I want my next girlfriend to share the same postcode as me, or at least be within about 3 hours drive.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I had actually pretty much given up on ever finding any chick that would put up with my situation. She was actually the one to first initiate contact. I think I will since give up on ever finding anyone again. The pain and heart ache isn't worth it, nor is it good for my mental problems.

 

[pofacedhoe]

Long distance... We've visited each other three times in the last 2 years.

thats not a releationship. in my book anyway.

get your shit together and go see her/apply for jobs there and move.

also why do you want sympathy from her because you feel sad? that not really the kind of crap i would lay on someone that i wasn't even making an effort to see on a regular basis.

you claimed this relationship was 3 years but for the last two you have spent virtually no time together. in the first year did you spend real amounts of time together?

how bad are your mental health problems? is some of it related to being in a shit situation job wise...

 

[llama112]

You say you're going to give up but that's just you being upset/sad/etc. You WILL change your mind at some point. Next time... try and find someone who lives closer to you

Three times in two years is not enough really. Why don't you visit more? Like once a month? Maybe it is a good idea for you two to take a break since it's so hard for this relationship to work. It doesn't mean you have to be apart forever. Maybe you'll run into each other again and, that time, your relationship would be more practical - aka you could live in similar locations.

 

[peterjones]

Hang in there, man. More importantly, don't drown your sorrows in alcohol. All things are impermanent.

 

[nuttynutskin]

thats not a releationship. in my book anyway.

get your shit together and go see her/apply for jobs there and move.

If you didn't read what I had previously written that was the plan that we had about a month ago. She doesn't even have her own place right now because she just recently started working again. We came to the agreement that I would try to move there within about a year, but apparently plans change without warning. Why would I attempt to move there now if she's interested in someone else?

also why do you want sympathy from her because you feel sad? that not really the kind of crap i would lay on someone that i wasn't even making an effort to see on a regular basis.

I don't want sympathy, I want her to love me the way that I thought we loved each other until 2 days ago and progress in the relationship. I got myself a plane ticket to go down their next weekend as a surprise since she couldn't make it here for my birthday which was on the 10th, but she didn't even want me to come because "she wasn't ready". I ended up cancelling the ticket.

you claimed this relationship was 3 years but for the last two you have spent virtually no time together. in the first year did you spend real amounts of time together?

We met on another forum and the first year and a half or so was just platonic without the intention on my part of even seeing her in real life. The romantic relationship just sort of progressed and if I'm remembering right we didn't actually meet until last summer. But we had been talking a lot on the phone or through texts before that. So technically we were together last August, last February, and just recently last month.

how bad are your mental health problems? is some of it related to being in a shit situation job wise...

I can't even hold a job. I get SSI. As far as how bad, I don't know. I'm manic depressive or bipolar and It seems to be getting worse and worse. This shit certainly isn't helping. I'm really about ready to give up on life in general. Not really worth the pain. Too much of a pussy to do anything tho, or I would've jumped in front of a bus a long time ago.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Next time... try and find someone who lives closer to you

I've tried many times to find someone where I live, but most women aren't usually very impressed when they learn that you're a bipolar alcoholic living on welfare with an aging mentally ill family member and no transportation. That's what especially hurts because she seemed to be the only one that ever accepted all the bad things in my life, yet could still see the good in me and love me for the damaged person I am.

Maybe it is a good idea for you two to take a break since it's so hard for this relationship to work. It doesn't mean you have to be apart forever. Maybe you'll run into each other again and, that time, your relationship would be more practical - aka you could live in similar locations.

I'm still trying to maintain a sliver of hope of that happening but I'm starting to feel that history is just going to keep repeating itself in a cruel fucking game of misery.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Okay, so you've see her three times in 2 years.... and "plan" to move out there in a YEAR?

Long distance relationships aren't for everyone (well, most people) and be proud that you were able to get it going for 2 years. Unfortunately, the distance has become your enemy and you just need to let her go so she can move on with her life. You should do the same.. you never know, maybe in a year, you will move out there and you guys can have a 2nd chance at a relationship. To hold unto her because it's hard for you to find someone local is selfish.

 

[llama112]

I'm still trying to maintain a sliver of hope of that happening but I'm starting to feel that history is just going to keep repeating itself in a cruel fucking game of misery.

History doesn't keep repeating itself. How many three year long distance relationships have you had?? Is this your fifth one or something? If so, I would advise you to stop getting into long distance relationships!

Seriously, unless you're a complete jerk to females in general, then you'll find someone! Yes, it takes time, it's not instantaneous, but it'll happen.

 

[Lysis]

Long distance... We've visited each other three times in the last 2 years.

Wow. How do you do it? I am crawling the walls in 2 weeks. I've never had such a sexual desire for someone until this current one, but I always thought it was maybe because I only get to see him rarely. I was always crazy about him since we first dated, but it's something I had to accept. I was never really interested or felt like I sexually meshed with someone until him, but I just wanted to be around him. I decided to keep my mind busy with lots of stuff. I do lots of stuff and go out with friends and whatnot, but my friends have BF or GFs so it's hard. What do you do between those times? That's a really long time.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Hey guys I'm doin better. Things were really rough the last 2 weeks, so bad I was thinking I was going to have to see my doctor. But basically in one of our last serious conversations we agreed that we were best friends and loved each other. Whether anything romantic works out or not I don't know, but at this point I figured it was more important to try to salvage a good friendship. We're talking now, just keeping the conversation casual.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Another update... We've continued talking on a friends level and on the surface our conversations have been going good, even making each other laugh and whatnot. But lately I've felt like I've been putting on a bit of a facade because beneath the surface I'm still pretty devastated. I almost feel like I was too quick to try to smooth everything over and am now having some resentment although I'm not letting it show.

Lately it's been kind of weird tho because she has been contacting me (usually I would be the one to call or send a text) and today she called me twice even tho I told her that she could call again but I probably wouldn't have much to talk about. Another thing that I couldn't quite understand is that somewhat out of nowhere she asked me during the second call if I had been on any dating sites. I lied and said no. I was kind of taken aback because we had sort of agreed to not discuss things like that.

So I'm now I'm confused and wondering why she would ask me that. Part of me thinks she still has feelings for me, but I'm afraid to ask. I know she cares a lot about me but I just don't know. What's even weirder is earlier in the day I had discussed with some family some of my issues as of late, and something came up along the lines of if we both still had feelings for each other but both people didn't want to bring it up. Fuck it, I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[manboychef]

If your living situation and mentality are as stated then maybe a relationship is still not a good idea yet.

Work on yourself and fix your situation. First step. Love yourself before you can love someone else. I've been dealing with lots of self loathing, and anxiety. I know I'm not ready yet because I am still having a hard time with self worth.