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BananasAndOranges

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 25, 2010
Messages
1,982
my lights are out i have my knife i am trying to get help smoke maybe relax but my friends birthday is tonight and he feels obligated to feel special. i helped make his last birthday happen hes laughed behind my back and ripped me off before lied and laughed. Im fed up anyone in chicago i've met has been a prick. well ill see where this goes. im shooting for an od and I know its going to break my moms heart im about to call and try and see if theres anyway i can purchase a gun tonight
 
Nothing can be worth this. Tomarrows a new day with new begginings. Try and relax and talk to someone you can trust. Hang in there it gets better beleive me..

I was a heroin addict for 8 years,,, It gets better

I love you
Sean
 
Relax man it'll be OK.. I was also a heroin addict for about 8 years and now I have almost 2 weeks clean.. things will get better.
 
don't do it brother - that's forever , you need to hear these people - we GIVE a SHIT about YOU.

FUCK chicago if it has no love for you you can MOVE ON from it bro. Do not give up what you cannot ever get back.

You want to talk right now let me know asap. Be easy dude, do you know many tears I shed at my boys funerals threw the same methods. Your mother is gonna be down that road, think of her love bro. She brought you here, do not let this world beat you down and take you out.
 
Put your knife away and call a hotline or go to an ER, as others have suggested. Even the most unbearable painful times are temporary and pass. It may feel like it never will but it really does.

Find people to talk to and support you through whatever is happening during this point in your life. If you give yourself the chance you will be able to fine meaning in your life and eventually this dark period will be a thing of the past. Don't believe your mind when it tells you things will never change.
 
Is tonight seeming worse because you're in withdrawals from any of your meds? Call and leave a message for your doctor if that's the case. Or organise copping meds off the street if you have to (won't take any more energy than getting a gun would). Does your methadone clinic have an emergency number? If so, use it. Let the places you went to seeking help give it to you now.
 
Dont do it dude. Please dont. I know exactly how you feel when a person you think is your friend turns out to be a dick. I cant tell you how many of my so called friends have ripped me off. talked shit. or just straight up stole from me. It sucks. You cant let other people get you down. Think for yourself. WE WANT YOU AROUND. I love reading your posts. I know im not the only one
 
You can get through this man. It will pass I promise you. I've been thinking about you recently and wondering how you were, people do care about you, I guarantee it. <3
 
B&A... would you please tell someone here on BL what's going on with you right now? I also enjoy reading your posts and want to keep enjoying them and your contributions to the goodness of BL
 
ugly said:
B&A... would you please tell someone here on BL what's going on with you right now? I also enjoy reading your posts and want to keep enjoying them and your contributions to the goodness of BL
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if I don't have weed I don't feel right. I keep having manic episodes. I take 20 pills everyday. My life is fucked. I asked my doctor to switch me back to adderall xr and dexedrine and he said no. So I take 70mgs or under because 45 won't work for me. I take klonopin and it hardly works. Temazepam doesn't even really work. I was gonna start using meth again and say fuck it. I'm still upset with myself but I'm trying not to think about it. Everyday is the same school home noone to talk to but if I call my parents they'll come up. I don't know where to go I don't even have a general doctor. I can't find one. I lowered my methadone dose its at 105mgs. It sucks. I don't like it I feel like 200mgs would make me feel better but it just sedates you more and makes me feel shitty. I don't like this. Nothing ever changes everyday seems the same.......I feel real uneasy and I know not more than 15 ppl would attnd my funeral or care. I've been through hell and back. I'm not gonna throw it all on here because its real personal
 
Glad your still around BAO :)....alot of people worried about you here^!

IF you need to talk about personal stuff, is there anyone here on BL you could trust to PM?

Think alot of people here can relate to how your feeling, I certainly can. A few years ago, I was stuck in a town with no friends I trusted and was demented at the time, it was hell:(

Can anyone help you find a GP in Chicago?<3
 
BananasAndOranges said:
if I don't have weed I don't feel right.
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and if I don't have weed I don't feel right. I feel all sober and shit.:p Come to California.

BananasAndOranges said:
I've been through hell and back.
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But you are still here. You have gone on some dangerous missions and sustained injuries. But look: You have not been ruined. You have not been knocked down. You have been strengthened.
 
ugly said:
and if I don't have weed I don't feel right. I feel all sober and shit.:p Come to California.



But you are still here. You have gone on some dangerous missions and sustained injuries. But look: You have not been ruined. You have not been knocked down. You have been strengthened.
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Its so hard communicating with people here imho. I'm almost 21 so not for to long but for now its hard unless you have a friend and I do have a dealer I just got but I dont think its on the safest side of the city, nor would I risk it for a methadone/benzo wd ever. Not for a bag of weed please. I think theres ice to be melted? :\ fuck it
 
If i don't have morphine, clonazepam, lamictal, risperidone, bupropion and often weed i don't feel right either. You sound like your on self destruct mode right now and ive fucking been there more then a few times and i'll probably be there again. But nothing stays the same man the bad passes with the good. Things do fucking get better.

Talk to someone if you have a friend or anything call them up. That has helped me get through many a long night. Call a suicide hotline or anything in your area if you need to. Also as one who suffers from manic episodes as well as mixed episodes and depression i can say that amphetamines don't fucking make you feel better! All they do is fuel the feelings your already having weather good or bad. Ive litterally sat down at 4 in the morning high as a kite on dextroamphetamine crying my fucking eyes out do to thinking about all the shit thats going through my fucked up head because everything seems so much worse when your on amphetamines. So i would suggest maybe atleast cutting back on that. Also if by ice you mean meth if you think you feel bad now wait until you come down from that.

Just try and take it easy man
 
paranoid android said:
If i don't have morphine, clonazepam, lamictal, risperidone, bupropion and often weed i don't feel right either. You sound like your on self destruct mode right now and ive fucking been there more then a few times and i'll probably be there again. But nothing stays the same man the bad passes with the good. Things do fucking get better.

Talk to someone if you have a friend or anything call them up. That has helped me get through many a long night. Call a suicide hotline or anything in your area if you need to. Also as one who suffers from manic episodes as well as mixed episodes and depression i can say that amphetamines don't fucking make you feel better! All they do is fuel the feelings your already having weather good or bad. Ive litterally sat down at 4 in the morning high as a kite on dextroamphetamine crying my fucking eyes out do to thinking about all the shit thats going through my fucked up head because everything seems so much worse when your on amphetamines. So i would suggest maybe atleast cutting back on that. Also if by ice you mean meth if you think you feel bad now wait until you come down from that.

Just try and take it easy man
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After today I'm done for a few days just because I use it to get stuff done I am glad when I actually can take breaks. It does make things 10 times more emotional but it also helps me get shit done I dunno. I'm not tripping on it anymore. I had a shitty friend. He is no more. I will live on fuck him. AND his slutty bf
 
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