Venting Don’t think drugs and friends at the same time ever last long.. 😔

[Raya22]

So just kinda venting here.

Long story kinda short, I haven’t had any friends whatsoever for the past 5-6 years. About a year ago I met someone online that crazy enough lived like 20 mins away and I was super stoked, because come to find out we were a lot alike in so many ways including our long term addictions.

At the time she was clean and doing pretty well considering her living situation with an asshole guy. Myself, well I just wanted a friend, support, someone to talk to when my living situation was unbearable. We were so close and talked everyday about everything. We looked out for each other.. then the addiction took hold of her again.

At first, I just thought it had been awhile for her and with all the shit in her life she was just geeking out a little.. I tried and I tried to keep in touch with her. Tried to be so patient.. But now she never talks to me anymore. She’s just sitting at home getting high and lying to me about it because she’s got to the point that she doesn’t want to share and apparently thinks I’m going to use up all her shit. And I just want a fucking friend.

Why is that so hard to have?

 

[Nurse Ratched]

" Friends " that have the same drug of choice have a lot of conflicts. If my friend does meth but I shoot heroin we each have our own and when it's gone it's our problem. Our friend can't help us. When two people " share " the same drug ( be it friends or lovers ) well............when one of them thinks the other got a bigger line than them all hell can break loose.

She doesn't want to hang out and is lying to you for one simple reason that all drug consumers share. And that's that they don't want to share. It's their money and the stash goes quick so sharing ( unless the other person paid for half of it ) is out of the question. Weed can be different as it's cheap and there is usually enough to go around that burning with our " friends " is no big deal. Not really sure any other drug can be shared without conflicts arising. The best friend to have and do drugs with is the one that doesn't like your drug and you don't like theirs. If they are the one to also pick it up.....and they don't do " your " drug they also probably won't pinch it or give you the smaller half.

This sounds kind of like I think users are greedy and out for ourselves but in reality its true. Drugs aren't cheap and if truth be told the only drug i ever shared was weed. If I was doing anything other than that nobody knew and I kept it all for my greedy self.

 

[Raya22]

" Friends " that have the same drug of choice have a lot of conflicts. If my friend does meth but I shoot heroin we each have our own and when it's gone it's our problem. Our friend can't help us. When two people " share " the same drug ( be it friends or lovers ) well............when one of them thinks the other got a bigger line than them all hell can break loose.

She doesn't want to hang out and is lying to you for one simple reason that all drug consumers share. And that's that they don't want to share. It's their money and the stash goes quick so sharing ( unless the other person paid for half of it ) is out of the question. Weed can be different as it's cheap and there is usually enough to go around that burning with our " friends " is no big deal. Not really sure any other drug can be shared without conflicts arising. The best friend to have and do drugs with is the one that doesn't like your drug and you don't like theirs. If they are the one to also pick it up.....and they don't do " your " drug they also probably won't pinch it or give you the smaller half.

This sounds kind of like I think users are greedy and out for ourselves but in reality its true. Drugs aren't cheap and if truth be told the only drug i ever shared was weed. If I was doing anything other than that nobody knew and I kept it all for my greedy self.

Thanks for replying I know I can always count on hearing from you and I adore that. It just hurts, ya know? I know everything you said is the truth, and I knew it before too..

But fuck, does it hurt.

Nurse ratched

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Thanks for replying I know I can always count on hearing from you and I adore that. It just hurts, ya know? I know everything you said is the truth, and I knew it before too..

But fuck, does it hurt.

Nurse ratched

Something tells me you are familiar with me regardless of your low post count. Tells me you have been lurking and reading my posts.

So I thank you very much for the compliment and the love.

And yeah.....it does hurt. I had no friends when i used. We were all out for ourselves and sure we were kind to each other but when the shit got weird and the times got tough they were never around.

 

[Raya22]

Something tells me you are familiar with me regardless of your low post count. Tells me you have been lurking and reading my posts.

So I thank you very much for the compliment and the love.

And yeah.....it does hurt. I had no friends when i used. We were all out for ourselves and sure we were kind to each other but when the shit got weird and the times got tough they were never around.

I’m familiar with you yes, but I had a different login then.. I don’t even remember what it was now but I had forgotten the password lol.

Thing is with me, I didn’t even have friends when I was clean.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I’m familiar with you yes, but I had a different login then.. I don’t even remember what it was now but I had forgotten the password lol.

Thing is with me, I didn’t even have friends when I was clean.

Don't feel bad nice person that knows of my writings. I had no friends when I was clean either. I had acquaintances that we were kind to each other and had a cup of coffee here and there but no REAL connection. Friends are over rated unless they are lifelong TRUE friends that will bail you out of jail, loan you $500 to pay your rent, come out in a blizzard and drive you to Walmart or watch your dog for free ( and love every minute of it ).

I am without a true friend atm myself but luckily I am happy in my own skin and don't really miss it too much. But I'm older and sometimes the feeling of freedom I get from being alone most of the time is really quite refreshing.

 

[Raya22]

Don't feel bad nice person that knows of my writings. I had no friends when I was clean either. I had acquaintances that we were kind to each other and had a cup of coffee here and there but no REAL connection. Friends are over rated unless they are lifelong TRUE friends that will bail you out of jail, loan you $500 to pay your rent, come out in a blizzard and drive you to Walmart or watch your dog for free ( and love every minute of it ).

I am without a true friend atm myself but luckily I am happy in my own skin and don't really miss it too much. But I'm older and sometimes the feeling of freedom I get from being alone most of the time is really quite refreshing.

I was like that before actually. Not sure what you consider “older” but I’m “older” too lol. Nowadays I think it’s harder on me because of the relationship I’m in. I don’t work anymore, and most of my “free time” is spent with him (not always my first choice.) So I feel like I’ve lost my identity. Does that make sense?

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I was like that before actually. Not sure what you consider “older” but I’m “older” too lol. Nowadays I think it’s harder on me because of the relationship I’m in. I don’t work anymore, and most of my “free time” is spent with him (not always my first choice.) So I feel like I’ve lost my identity. Does that make sense?

Yep. Makes all kind of sense. When we are home most of the time ( no job or other outlet ) we kind of get stuck in a rut of just putting up with our surroundings. Especially when we have an SO. Just remember that your identity is not defined by anyone else or where you are at this point in life. Your identity is what your heart speaks to you, what makes you smile, what you feel good doing,who you love and who loves you back. Among many other things.

I'll be 65 in June so that's what I meant by older.

 

[Raya22]

Yep. Makes all kind of sense. When we are home most of the time ( no job or other outlet ) we kind of get stuck in a rut of just putting up with our surroundings. Especially when we have an SO. Just remember that your identity is not defined by anyone else or where you are at this point in life. Your identity is what your heart speaks to you, what makes you smile, what you feel good doing,who you love and who loves you back. Among many other things.

I'll be 65 in June so that's what I meant by older.

Damn you! Just reading that made me tear up because I already feel like I’ve lost all that. Or don’t remember who I was and am scared I’ll never be that person again at least..

For personal reasons, I’ll just say I’m not quite 40 yet. I’m glad you understand though, regardless of age. It’s nice to have that feeling from somebody. Feels good.

 

[qwertygina]

Thanks for replying I know I can always count on hearing from you and I adore that. It just hurts, ya know? I know everything you said is the truth, and I knew it before too..

But fuck, does it hurt.

Nurse ratched

I feel you. I make friends easily , but I just can not seem to be able to let my guard down enough to get past the acquaintance stage. Been burned too many times ...

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hard relate. All my friends grew up and became real adults and left me behind. It’s weird to be stuck at a stage in life yet the years keep coming.
Now I’m so weird when I meet someone I wanna be friends with I wayyy over do it and scare them away.


So for now I’ll just keep annoying all you beautiful Bluelighters

 

[xtcgrrrl]

Hard relate. All my friends grew up and became real adults and left me behind. It’s weird to be stuck at a stage in life yet the years keep coming.
Now I’m so weird when I meet someone I wanna be friends with I wayyy over do it and scare them away.


So for now I’ll just keep annoying all you beautiful Bluelighters

What the hell is a “real adult,” anyway?! Who gets to define that??? We do. YOU do. I’m the same way. I have always been the “cool mom” to my kids and their friends, because I’ll sit down and play some grand theft auto or final fantasy or Roblox or Minecraft with them, cuz I’m into that too. I never stopped dressing like a teenager in the 90s (lol) so now that that’s rolled around again, suddenly my clothes are super cool. I was always the one who was ready to play, whether kid-style or adult-style, and most of my friends that I used to party with have put the drugs down. But I’m still ready to play and dance all night…what makes an adult??? What YOU define yourself as.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Damn you! Just reading that made me tear up because I already feel like I’ve lost all that. Or don’t remember who I was and am scared I’ll never be that person again at least..

For personal reasons, I’ll just say I’m not quite 40 yet. I’m glad you understand though, regardless of age. It’s nice to have that feeling from somebody. Feels good.

Sounds like you and I have very similar situations and are about the same age

 

[yubacity]

I keep my circle small know a lot of people but msybe 5 friends who like brothers . We all coke heads but they hate me being on heroin we never fight amoundt ourselves and my drugs are there drugs and visa versa .

 

[Jabberwocky]

What the hell is a “real adult,” anyway?! Who gets to define that??? We do. YOU do. I’m the same way. I have always been the “cool mom” to my kids and their friends, because I’ll sit down and play some grand theft auto or final fantasy or Roblox or Minecraft with them, cuz I’m into that too. I never stopped dressing like a teenager in the 90s (lol) so now that that’s rolled around again, suddenly my clothes are super cool. I was always the one who was ready to play, whether kid-style or adult-style, and most of my friends that I used to party with have put the drugs down. But I’m still ready to play and dance all night…what makes an adult??? What YOU define yourself as.

You’re so right. I think it’s more of a feeling of being an outcast to be honest you know it’s hard being the black sheep. I’ve always kind of done my own thing. Honestly that’s not always a bad thing. I just hate that. I rely so heavily sometimes on others for my own happiness or acceptance. I don’t mean strangers walking on the street I mean approval through the relationships I had perm I always had a lot of friends but the depth of relationships was obviously lacking. I was fun life of the party but I guess when you turn 30 something it’s not so fun anymore- jokes on them bc I’m fun as fuck

 

[Neuroborean]

You’re so right. I think it’s more of a feeling of being an outcast to be honest you know it’s hard being the black sheep. I’ve always kind of done my own thing. Honestly that’s not always a bad thing. I just hate that. I rely so heavily sometimes on others for my own happiness or acceptance. I don’t mean strangers walking on the street I mean approval through the relationships I had perm I always had a lot of friends but the depth of relationships was obviously lacking. I was fun life of the party but I guess when you turn 30 something it’s not so fun anymore- jokes on them bc I’m fun as fuck

People who were kinda boring are eventually really boring, and those who were genuine keep being genuine, or well, sometimes half-depressed but still genuine and bright.

Time separates real people from "real adults" (who I don't want to be with).

 

[qwertygina]

Hard relate. All my friends grew up and became real adults and left me behind. It’s weird to be stuck at a stage in life yet the years keep coming.
Now I’m so weird when I meet someone I wanna be friends with I wayyy over do it and scare them away.


So for now I’ll just keep annoying all you beautiful Bluelighters

Oh no . I get that though
I have been told that I come off as standoffish or a snob. Which could not be farther from the truth. I'm actually very outgoing but nowadays I find that I barely will talk in a social situation.
People just seem to disappoint.
I also feel like if we keep thinking things like that then we are making it so.
Ugh

 

[Jabberwocky]

Oh no . I get that though
I have been told that I come off as standoffish or a snob. Which could not be farther from the truth. I'm actually very outgoing but nowadays I find that I barely will talk in a social situation.
People just seem to disappoint.
I also feel like if we keep thinking things like that then we are making it so.
Ugh

I have a mean RBF, not my fault lol
I pretty much stay away from people at this point bc I tend to get all wrapped up in my feelings and then feel weird because I value the relationship/friendship more. Like you know when they say stage 5 clinger....its me

 

[xtcgrrrl]

I have a mean RBF, not my fault lol
I pretty much stay away from people at this point bc I tend to get all wrapped up in my feelings and then feel weird because I value the relationship/friendship more. Like you know when they say stage 5 clinger....its me

Feel ya on the RBF. But mine is just age. Gravity is not your friend; the corners of your mouth just naturally sag. And before you know it, your kids are asking why you’re mad all the time when you’re literally just sitting there chilling

 

[Dead Machination]

I haven't done "harder" drugs in over 6 years now, and other than my wife who is sober, and two other friends who got clean as well, I don't even speak to that group of people anymore. Zero communication. Those people weren't really my friends even though it seemed like at the time.

The people I associate with and maintain friendships are all positive people, who have similar life goals as me, which don't include regular drug use anymore.

Loneliness is a necessary part of addiction.