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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

domestic abuse

if i stop smoking weed, i become completely suicidal within 72 hours, my chronic pain come back, anxiety, ocd, hallucinations, people screaming in my head, visions of me torturing and killing people slowly (this is not enjoyable), the list goes on, so its not just not possible for me to just stop smoking without having a very high chance of death(caused by my own hand)

i already have to many attempts to kill myself to count from trying to stop weed, im not trying again, its bad for me, one time i repeatedly tryed to ride my bike into intersections without looking for cars hoping to get hit, i did that for about an hour or 2, sound like im serious about wanting to die?


i need to get financial assistance first before i turn them in, i am trying to call the right departments for this(thats on me as you said, you cant call them for me), and meanwhile i am building more and more evidence, and letting their guard drop so that they admit to more things they did while being recorded(they dont know their being recorded)

i went to the hospital and got medical evidence and the doctors wrote all this abuse stuff in my notes, i got them to write down where my injuries came from and that i would not call the police because they would commit purjury just to have me arrested, they took xrays, and gave me the xrays on a disk, along with medical notes, should be worth the money

btw, nope, no painkillers lol, i walked in and said the following "so im a prior drug addict, and i take buprenorphine, so you would need certain opiates with a strong binding affinity to have any effect on me, so lets be real, if anything your giving me high strength NSAIDS, which i already have, i took painkillers before coming because i knew this beforehand, so i feel nothing right now anyway, so lets document what happened and take x rays and skip all that so i can get outta here, ill just get really stoned to make the pain stop"
 
btw my family refused to drive me to the hospital, or pay for any of it, i had to call a taxi, and im not paying when they bill me to be honest, because i cant afford it, there trying to act as if none of it ever happened

im doing the same and recording their confessions, fuck those bastards

family loves you unconditionally, and they dont tell you to kill yourself, or beat you

ive pretty much stopped considering them family, there people that attack me that also fund my medical expenses and pay for shitty food and a shitty place to sleep, and make me feel bad for needing help

dont worry, i may get fucked up, but im still doing this, im making this happen, as soon as i get financial assistance, or police are called on me, i drop the ball
 
i am givving copys of all evidence to multiple friends with instructions to turn it all into police if i am arrested or god forbid it killed, and i let my family know that part, so that they would know that theres people on my side, and that they cant just hit me or put me in jail for false crimes and get away with it, or smash my phone and expect the evidence to disapear

they dont know the part that its gonna be turned in either way later on
 
Would they have evidence to arrest you if you'd go to the cops now.
Is there anything they can do. Any other alternative you could do so that you are not in danger.

Living out of fear like that must be terrifying and I know I'm not under your skin and don't know that much, but also because I'm seeing this from the outside I keep wondering what other choices you would have to protect yourself.
Can you move away to a different state?
 
Can you leave your residence and go to a shelter? I know that's not an ideal situation, but if there is no where else, I think the shelter sounds like a safer bet.
 
Erikmen said:
Would they have evidence to arrest you if you'd go to the cops now.
Is there anything they can do. Any other alternative you could do so that you are not in danger.

Living out of fear like that must be terrifying and I know I'm not under your skin and don't know that much, but also because I'm seeing this from the outside I keep wondering what other choices you would have to protect yourself.
Can you move away to a different state?
Click to expand...

they always make stuff up when cops are called, so its 5 peoples word against one paniking persons word, i sweat all over and my pupils dilate when i see police, its just anxiety but they think im on meth, and my family makes me out to be a meth head that beats everyone up while there sleeping, screams all day to be mean, completely delusional, steals from everyone to get meth, thats the usual story

thats what the evidence is for, im fucking them next time they pull that shit

not enough money because my disability's are actually real and bad enough to warrant free money every month, but i wake up to late to call the disability place usually, so stuff gets done very slow, and everyone refuses to help, theres alternatives im doing, but i will be stuck here for a while before anything happens because im disabled and have no help, they take atleast a couple months to do anything in goverment places, and they always forget about you

no i wont go to a shelter, it wouldnt be any better than here

i have a groupfund thing set up, but nobody seems to care enough about me donate, and i cant post it here as its against bluelight rules
 
So you are in between a bad choice and a worst one? I can feel you .. I can relate to that racing heart and dilated pupils.
But you can not run away forever. What I mean is that you need to take a path. Make a choice, do something.
As I mentioned before living out of fear is not living at all, it's like having one nightmare after another. You must think of a solution.

We can keep helping you providing you with possible options but eventually you will have to do something to ease this.
You should probably try not to use drugs and that's going to make you a lot stronger, if that is the case.
What level of disability you have? What is it? What do you need that you'd make you feel better?

Why is everyone against you? How could you temporarily change that? Is that even possible?
If not what are the options? you must come up with other options even if it's a bit surreal so you can see a way out of this. Perhaps not so dependant on them. How old are you?

I'm so sorry to ask you all of these things, but you are going through this and if you don't see a way out regardless of our inputs, it's important that you give us more info so we can help you.

If nobody seems to care about donating then do something else. The idea is not to persist on doing the same thing that is not working. That would just give yourself more stress than you can handle right now.

This is distressing for you. How could you make it any easier? Because whatever you are doing now is not working so you should start thinking of something else. Stop using. That's the only thing I can think right now as that will make you calm down and be able to do what you have to do.
 
Erikmen said:
So you are in between a bad choice and a worst one? I can feel you .. I can relate to that racing heart and dilated pupils.
But you can not run away forever. What I mean is that you need to take a path. Make a choice, do something.
As I mentioned before living out of fear is not living at all, it's like having one nightmare after another. You must think of a solution.

We can keep helping you providing you with possible options but eventually you will have to do something to ease this.
You should probably try not to use drugs and that's going to make you a lot stronger, if that is the case.
What level of disability you have? What is it? What do you need that you'd make you feel better?

Why is everyone against you? How could you temporarily change that? Is that even possible?
If not what are the options? you must come up with other options even if it's a bit surreal so you can see a way out of this. Perhaps not so dependant on them. How old are you?

I'm so sorry to ask you all of these things, but you are going through this and if you don't see a way out regardless of our inputs, it's important that you give us more info so we can help you.

If nobody seems to care about donating then do something else. The idea is not to persist on doing the same thing that is not working. That would just give yourself more stress than you can handle right now.

This is distressing for you. How could you make it any easier? Because whatever you are doing now is not working so you should start thinking of something else. Stop using. That's the only thing I can think right now as that will make you calm down and be able to do what you have to do.
Click to expand...
^this.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. You have to take the initiative and be proactive to improve the quality of your life.
 
From your previous posts, you've been using significant amounts of a variety of drugs and have been through a suboxone course. You use weed 24/7. If you are going to talk to the police, a mental health Councillor etc, being higher than a kite won't help.

Change your situation-from your previous posts you are very young and seem to think that "free money" should drop out of the sky. You have to get your own life together-you are legally an adult. You may want to think about how muchmore credibility you might have .
 
I think the best course of action for you to take is to get sober. I suspect your drug use is exasperating your mental health issues and seriously clouding your perceptions. I have to wond r how much the drug use is contributing to the violence you are encountering. I think you need to quit taking all non-prescribed substances, and take your prescriptions as prescribed, no more, no less. If you want to better the quality of your life, action is required on your part and it may not necessarily be fun or enjoyable. I think you could benefit from a stay in either rehab or an institution as I think there are some basic life skills you need to learn or relearn. Good luck to you:
 
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