I wouldn't know how to delete my account anyways, but my apologies to you guys. Yea those are ramblings from someone that's twacked out. Deep down I prolly need to get help, but along with that I'm most afraid of losing all my personal freedoms. I'm even down for detox just to get me off the shit, but I don't want to have to go to a sober living for months, and I know they're gonna make me quit smoking weed too :-(
It's like, the only hobbies I have left right now are my car and I'm just barely finally getting into music production (which honestly has taken a long time to figure out even how to make my own music with some of the equipment I have) going to a sober living center, I won't be able to mod my car anymore, and I doubt I'll be able to bring all my equipment somewhere during my duration there. Plus I got a 10 day music production course coming up next month, I really don't want to miss out on that either. I don't know what to do. I'm torn completely because of this. I already lost a majority of my friends from my habit. The only remaining few I do have left are stoners, they don't fuck with anything else. And I don't want to lose them either and I'm also afraid rehab will make me shake those friends too..
All my meth acquaintances, I have separated in my life from the friends that I have left, the friends I used to have and family. Rehab tho I'm scared is going to lump any of my normal old friends into the category of users I'm sure. Bc they drink alcohol or smoke weed. I don't want that, I don't want to live somewhere else, I'm already at my grandparent pad and my music set up is here, my ride is here; I'm so much happier that I quit my boring ass job and just been focusing on music now. Going to a sober living is just going to screw everything up. It's like I'm just barely getting into my groove, getting into the music, doing to every day bc it helps me so much mentally, and physically makes me happier. Can't I just detox and just come back to where I'm at ? I hate new situations, having to start over; it's like when I used to skateboard. I got pretty good when I was into it, once all my friends quit and I had no one to skate with I pretty much gave it up. Then when I tried taking up skating again months-years later, I never was able to get as good as I was. I'm so afraid I'll just move backwards if I get put in some 24 hour assisted care rehab place for months. I don't want that. Do I have any options besides this ? It's like when I did look into services online and what not, there are so many places to pick from, I have no clue which one is right or wrong, which ones are better than others or not, how much money.. It just leads me to confusion and frustration. If anything at all I want to do a outpatient program a few days out of the week, not something 7 days 24-7...I really don't want rehab, just detox but if I go to detox they're just gonna try to force me to enter a inpatient program, I just know it. So fuck, here I am again stuck, with too many options, too many things going on in my head; my ADD is kicking in and all I want to do is the right thing that everyone wants me to do, but that can still work for me. This sucks, I don't know wtf to do