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Does this mean I do not want to be sober?

  • Thread starter Thread starter nowyouseeme
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nowyouseeme

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Please move this to the sober living forum.

I have been sober from alcohol for over a year and various other drugs (pharm opiates, cannabis/hash) for 5-8 years.

Sometimes I'll admit I'd like to take a pharm opiate missing the high. Then I go to sleep and I'll wake up and I won't have a desire to use opiates at all the next day. Other times they are dreams about getting drunk or stoned on herb.

How do you deal with desires like this that can happen randomly? Does it mean that I am headed for a relapse, or that I don't really want to be sober? Or is this part of the sobriety process?
 
It means youre a human being and youre fallible just like everyone else. How bad was your former pharm opiate habit? Craving and dreaming are not guarantees of impending relapse, they are just realities we have to deal with as former junkies/drinkers, especially when times start to get tough again. You have a year clean, you can do another year as long as you stick to your plan, and then the next year after that. Keep your guard up. Occupy yourself with something positive/active when you feel like you want to use, so those thoughts dont have as much time to stew in your brain. Perhaps you could drop into a meeting at a support group when these thoughts are strongest, Ive found that surrounding myself with people who are trying to actively stay sober helps me to stay clean when my mind starts with those thoughts.
 
Its not like you can magically make yourself forget these things exist and the effects they had on your body. The fact that you can remember these things and still can abstain is quite the contrary to your belief, and shows you really want to stay clean and avoid relapse. At least that's how I see it. What can you do to avoid these? Exercise is a good option or calling a friend you know has no intention partake in those actions, hangout of just talk to them.
 
Your brain copes with things on its own, whether you like to or not. That was your life, for what I'm assuming was an extremely long time, so you're not going to be in mental bliss the whole time. It was a great, positive tragedy to quit using, but it still was a traumatic experience with your mind. Your head is just going to do what it takes on its own to deal with that. Just center yourself, and try to engage in your dreams. Dreams are crucial for brain development. If it gets too much to deal with, that is why we need to have phone numbers of trustworthy and good people to call. I know a lot of people that would be glad to help me out at 3 or 4 in the morning because I'm having a rough time. Just having that ability can be comforting enough.. I suppose you didn't go into a program to get sober, cuz surely you would already have that.
 
reply to Does this mean I do not want to be sober?

Thanks for the replies everyone. My main drugs of choice were alcohol and herb. I would drink in large quantities daily until I passed out, puked, or blacked out, and I did wind up cutting back slowly and quitting. Instead of alcohol I would smoke herb and it was not like smoking herb as a teenager or new smoker when you just smoke it a few times per month or keep it on weekends but I'd just smoke large quantities daily and just stay stoned all day and night. I eventually did wind up drinking again but I would keep it to weekends but I still would drink a lot when I would drink.

I never went to a rehab or detox place since I could not afford to and I was not physically addicted to any of the drugs I would use.

I also did not go to AA or NA since I am not into the dogmatic 12 steps or how cult like AA/NA can be, and I did some of the 12 steps the ones I could do on my own and that applied to me.

@It'sALLfake-I do have a network of friends and family who I can talk to about anything at any time; but a few of them are not addicts and don't always get it. One that is a therapist and thinks I am obsessed with drugs when I bring up concerns or issues like this to them and just tells me to stop thinking about it. Other friends and family who are addicts tell me how it's just temporary and not to give in which I don't, and other people who are addicts who I talk to don't get cravings just tell me how they do not get cravings for alcohol or drugs.

@dankplantgrower-I was not physically addicted but I would just take pharm opiates 1-3 times a month on weekends in low doses taken orally for years. Once I started craving them more often than that, and even thought about using heroin since I had moved to an area where I had no source for pills but dope was around and easily available I quit. I never did wind up using heroin and that's a good thing since it would not have helped.

One good thing about sobriety is that as more and more time goes on I have less desires to use. Some of my friends are alcoholics or use drugs but I do not see these people that much at all and when they are drinking or using drugs or are going to sometimes I'll just leave.
 
You don't have to be a program clone. It may be a good idea to introduce yourself to people that are on the same page as you.. You said you have people to call, but you went on to explain the technicalities involved with that.
 
No it does not mean that because you miss the past or using that you don't want to be sober or can't be. I keep it simple nowyouseeme I understand that I can't use alcohol or other legal/illegal drugs recreationally, and that if I do I'll die. Yes I understand that this is extreme but it works for me and a lot of people.
 
It's not selfish to concentrate only on yourself or your issues and your sobriety. This doesn't mean you can't talk to people like friends, family, or other addicts who are clean or sober; but ultimately it's up to you to remain sober and not give into temptations if you have them.

Someone else posted about how the longer you are sober the less likely you will be to use again, have a total relapse, or if you have cravings the less likely you will be to indulge in them by using drugs.

Also if you have any friends or acquaintances who you used to use with don't hang out with them, or cut off all contact from them.
 
Totally part of the sobriety process, it has nothing to do with a lack of a desire to stay clean & sober! It does mean however, that you are almost definitely an alcoholic/addict! In the big book it talks about the phenomena of craving being reserved for true alcoholics/addicts.

For people like us, it's totally normal. Do you work any sort of recovery program? Meetings? Therapy? Spirituality?
 
This is from a thread on the brain and addiction, that is in the works.. but i think it is inherently relevant here.. this post hasn't had a final proof so if any one notices an edit please point it out as it will definitely be appreciated ( just quote it and proof it if you are good at this).. also it is part of a much longer thread and concept so loose ends will exist.







Whats Going On In The Brian With Addiction?

For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit, and what
the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh; for these are opposed
to each other, to prevent you from doing what you want.
—St. Paul, Galatians 5:171

If Passion drives, let Reason hold the Reins.
—Benjamin Franklin​

The biggest delusion we face, when understanding addiction or human behavior, is that the conscious mind is really in charge. At best, the prefrontal cortex or conscious mind, is only responsible for a portion of our actions and shares responsibility and control, with other more elusive parts of the brain. In realty the conscious mind may just be a tool that is manipulated through emotion, to solve the problems the unconscious mind has attaining it goals. The unconscious mind is the limbic system or paleomammalian parts of the Brain, while the conscious has a center in the prefrontal cortex.

The exact way that the brain works is still greatly based on speculation and hypothesis. This exploration will present evidence for a theoretical model of how the brain works that best seems to explain addiction, There may be evidence presented that have portions have parts that contradict each other or the main theory of this thread. We will draw on current work from some brilliant minds currently working on deciphering this amazingly complex system. Evidence from different views may be linked for your consideration. However, we are going to promote the ideas that explains addiction the best.

Jonathan Haidt, author of The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, uses an analogy of an elephant and a rider to describe the relationship between the unconscious mind and the conscious. The unconscious or limbic system is the elephant and the conscious mind or the prefrontal cortex is the the driver. He is of the belief that the elephant or unconscious mind loves pleasure above all else and is described as animalistic. The conscious on the other hand is described as the divine or spiritual and rational portion of the mind. He states that the conscious mind can not control the unconscious; instead the prefrontal cortex tries to guide the elephant and is thus portrayed as the rider. His thoughts are by no means new and correlate with many of the most amazing minds in recorded history. I have linked the first chapter below that explores the idea of the "divided self." I have also created a link to a free E-copy of the entire book and as it truly is filled with mountains of wisdom you may consider reading it. Many of the principals in this book have made my recovery much easier and loads more peaceful.

Further reading from the Happiness Hypothesis chapter 1: The Divided Self (The idea of the elephant and the rider) >link<

ElephantRiderPath.jpg




Addiction does not distinguish between intelligence or level of education. The goal through out this exploration will be to make this theory accessible to everyone. Through our subjects multiple explanations of varying technical levels will be provided in an attempt to provide access to this information to everybody. So if you do not understand portions of the more technical explanations or links dont loose heart. The simplified explanations are designed to carry the basic principle.

Once you understand the basic principal I would suggest that you try and increase your knowledge and understanding of this subject by studying the more complex material and developing a strong working knowledge of whats going on. Knowledge is power and the more power we have to figure this out the less people will suffer. The disgusting way in which addicts are often treated and the stigmatism they face will only change when more people understand what addition is.


This thread will look at different parts of the brain and different chemicals that are found in the brain and will use these to explain what addiction is and how and why it happens. The limbic system is a portion of the brain that has been around much longer than the prefrontal cortex and is also called the paleomammalian brain. The prefrontal cortex is the portion of the brain that is responsible for problem solving and "implicated in planning complex cognitive behavior, personality expression, decision making, and moderating social behavior." source

Also at the heart of addiction is the dopamine reward pathway or VTA and it resultant drives.
 
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