Does this actually happen often? Or is it just me...

[zephyr]

don't make excuses for why my life sucks, I look for REASONS and I try to correct them.

You should not have to look far for the reasons, try the mirror. Thats where you start, correcting your behaviours and actions and the thoughts that drive you to doing those actions. If you decide to go down a certain path with youe life, make it a concious decision that you are happy to take responsibility for.

 

[DigitalDuality]

Look, none of you would walk up to a schizophrenic person and say that they should stop taking meds because it's just the industry telling them they need it or that they can fix their problems through hard work alone. It just doesn't work that way. Why is it so hard to accept that I might have a similar problem, though less severe? Just because a lot of people are lucky enough to be able to work through their problems without it doesn't mean everyone can. Some people get through infinitely worse things without so much as a friend, let alone a therapist and cadre of doctors. Some people don't. And more importantly, just because I know I'm a person that needs that extra help doesn't mean I think I'll never get better. I just don't see how that connection is being made.

The reason why... is because a great deal of people have the same or similar disorders than you. Some posted here that beat them and the pattern of speaking, and reactions is not foreign to many of us in experience with others.

I wasn't implying I, nor do i think anyone else was, that we know you're situation 100%, nor are any of us qualified to tell you "come off meds". But we're merely voicing either A) our own experiences and triumphs and sharing our advice, or B) having people comment that have dealt with people with similar problems as friends, significant others, and family. Funny how anyone with any direct and indirect experience with it holds a similar opinion.

That being said we're no experts. You could debate, talk, plead for an open ear or advice. Fact of the matter the only person that knows the positive road to take is you. You're the only one who knows you're situation through and through, probably moreso than your doctors. More so than us. We're just giving our 2 cents. For free.

Do with it as you will. No one means any harm.

 

[rant*N*rave]

^ That's all well and good, but what I'm trying to get at is the HOW of the matter. I know that I'm not likely to have particularly healthy relationships until I'm healthier, but what I'm concerned with is HOW to get healthy and stay healthy. I want to know what other people do on a day-to-day basis to get over these kinds of problems or prevent them in the first place. You can all tell me how you love you for you and don't let other people get you down and don't value yourself based on the opinions of others, but that doesn't help me make the same strides. I'm in coping kindergarten. I'm sure everyone here has had something awful happen in their lives - what did they do to start feeling better afterwards? Nobody is chipper and perky the day after they find out something terrible, and it's not a magic trick or instant change. I'm looking for insight into the process.

 

[Lysis]

^^ Well, since my boyfriend decided all of a sudden that he didn't care about me, so we don't mesh in a relationship way after things were fine (obviously not to him), I have been diving into work and school. I got my first freelance project and I'm trying to make that look good so I can get more work. I also have school that I enjoy.

I wake up hurt and realize that he's probably never going to call and I won't have that storybook ending where he realizes he really did care about me. I get sad sometimes still, but things that keep my mind off of the whole ordeal help. I've also been taking long walks with my dog.

I also try not to relive the night. Basically, I was fired for chatting with him too much at work (we worked together - I got fired, they kept him), and he actually decided he didn't care about me 2 days later. I've been stressed as fuck, but I realize now that thinking about him only makes it worse. My childish side told myself that I'm going to ace the mcat and send him my acceptance letter to med school. LOL By then hopefully he'll only be a bad memory though. LOL

I admit that I took a shitload of soma the first 2 nights, so I'm no angel either, but I really hate feeling like crap in the morning.

I really think the answer is to find something you enjoy and immerse yourself in it.

 

[Mariposa]

^ That's all well and good, but what I'm trying to get at is the HOW of the matter. I know that I'm not likely to have particularly healthy relationships until I'm healthier, but what I'm concerned with is HOW to get healthy and stay healthy. I want to know what other people do on a day-to-day basis to get over these kinds of problems or prevent them in the first place. You can all tell me how you love you for you and don't let other people get you down and don't value yourself based on the opinions of others, but that doesn't help me make the same strides. I'm in coping kindergarten. I'm sure everyone here has had something awful happen in their lives - what did they do to start feeling better afterwards? Nobody is chipper and perky the day after they find out something terrible, and it's not a magic trick or instant change. I'm looking for insight into the process.

The way I have handled this in the past is by cutting people out of my life that hurt me without explanations or apologies and not looking back. It sucks, it's horrendously painful to accept reality sometimes, but I imagine I'm better off for it in the long run.

And as to your comment "nobody would say this to a schizophrenic" -- I'd tell you to ask my mother (paranoid schizophrenic), but she died when I was 16 under suspicious circumstances. People DID say these things to my mother and to me. There is absolutely no comparison between you, who have access to medical care and are functional enough to attend college and work, and this level of sickness.

A good start would be to stop marginalizing yourself and see how good you actually have it instead of wallowing in self-pity.

 

[rant*N*rave]

^That's like saying there's no comparison between someone with temporary paralysis from the waist down and someone with two broken legs, or someone with two really bad sprains. One's a lot easier to fix, but there's still a similar issue to face. Trust me, I know I'm nothing in comparison to even most of the people I'm currently living with, I'm just trying to explain that just because my problem is easier doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And just because someone has medical care doesn't mean their problem isn't as bad as someone else's, it just means they have better resources to fix it... I'm not marginalizing myself, I'm being realistic.

And I hardly call reaching out for help and asking for ways to actively improve myself "wallowing in self-pity."

 

[Lysis]

And I hardly call reaching out for help and asking for ways to actively improve myself "wallowing in self-pity."

But that's the point of a lot of people in this thread - nowhere in this thread have you acknowledged a good suggestion.

I don't mean to sound rude, but if your posts are anywhere near indicative of what it's like trying to rationalize with you then I can see where people throw their hands up and walk away. It's like talking to a brick wall that has the ability to argue.

I was you once. No one could tell me anything about me without me going on the defense. Try to just read through this thread again and process what is being said. I'm not saying you don't have a right to be defensive, because I do that too, but if you sit back and analyze some of the thoughts here I think you might find some of it to be sound advice.

 

[randycaver]

amen!!! enough's enough.

you must be in one hell of a lenient psych ward.

 

[Mariposa]

^That was my thought, too. Most psych wards have almost everything blocked and monitor e-mail and internet history, if they have funding for computers at all.

I doubt I could walk off two broken legs, but forcing myself to get up and walk on the various sprains/bunk knee I've had over the years instead of complaining that my brace or compression sock was inadequate probably made me get better faster.

 

[Cheshire Kat]

My $0.02

"HOW do I make it happen? I know I need to love myself and blah blah blah - HOW does one learn to do that?"

I don't think there are answers for the questions you have, or not answers that are of the sort you are hoping for. I think that each individual has such unique problems and perspectives with such things that there's a significant limit to how much their advice could apply to you, outside of a massive coincidence. Secondly, even if that wasn't so, I think words are a horrible, horrible medium for describing these sorts of situations. To borrow and then butcher a quote, talking about things like this is like dancing about architecture. You may be able to get some very general ideas across, but they will be very easily misinterpreted and will be confusing as all hell. I could be wrong, maybe there are specific, tangable things that normal people do that make them better at coping that can be easily explained, but I really don't think so. Then again, I too am what psychiatry has labeled bipolar, so maybe my own struggles with this have biased me.

I think that the questions you are posing are ones that each person will have to figure out on their own at the end of the day, and that's all there is to it. Some people's advice may help steer you in the right direction, but it certainly won't yield any definite answers. You'll have to figure it out. That sucks, but that's life. I can tell you some things that have helped me figure out my own unique coping strategies. Not to get all wierdo-spiritual on you, but I've found that being in nature really helps. Whether spending a day in the woods by yourself or just sitting in a secluded area in a park, something about being surrounded by nature is calming, helps put things in perspective, and makes it easier to work out problems in my life. Long walks are great for this too. Also, The Conquest of Happiness by Bertrand Russell has been a great source of inspiration to me, I know you're a fan of him. Also, much of Nietzsche's writings, from the eternal recurrence to the the concept of overcoming the self, have helped. Dostoevsky also opened up a whole new level of self-evaluation and constructive self-criticism to me, particularly The Brothers Karamazov. Forms of art, be they musical, literary, or even visual such as films or paintings, have always seemed to be able to hold more truth in regards to the things you are dealing with than conversations or advice from others have ever come close to. I don't know the degree to which these things are unique to me or more universal when it comes to helping an individual figure out their own way of "getting healthy", but I thought I'd pitch you a few ideas for what its worth.

 

[rant*N*rave]

But that's the point of a lot of people in this thread - nowhere in this thread have you acknowledged a good suggestion.

Yes I have, several times. I did at least once on the previous page in quite some detail... And just because I haven't posted responses to every single point that helped me doesn't mean I'm ignoring it. I have also repeatedly acknowledged the fact that I need to change myself before my life will change, which seems to be the overriding theme of the thread, and then asked specifically for people's advice on HOW to do that, or at least for their experiences in making that leap. Instead of that question being answered, I'm being told that I'm not listening because I'm asking for a deeper answer... Not really getting that... If you can't explain it or don't want to explain it, that's fine, but tell me that - not that I'm being defensive when I'm not. I was defensive three pages ago, but I'm certainly not now.

Try to just read through this thread again and process what is being said. I'm not saying you don't have a right to be defensive, because I do that too, but if you sit back and analyze some of the thoughts here I think you might find some of it to be sound advice.

I've done this as well... So I guess I'm still wondering why so many are so intent on telling me I'm not listening when really it doesn't seem that anyone is listening to me...

 

[rant*N*rave]

^That was my thought, too. Most psych wards have almost everything blocked and monitor e-mail and internet history, if they have funding for computers at all.

I've brought this up before. Most of the internet is blocked here. I can't get on almost any site I normally read. However, they must have missed one. And why is this even relevant?? If you're looking for reasons to poke at me, do it by PM.

I doubt I could walk off two broken legs, but forcing myself to get up and walk on the various sprains/bunk knee I've had over the years instead of complaining that my brace or compression sock was inadequate probably made me get better faster.

When have I once complained? Point it out, please. I'm stating a fact that I have an issue. I'm asking for ways to deal with it. Most people seem more content to tell me I'm whining, which doesn't make a lot of sense given that I've spent a lot of time trying to explain my situation in the hopes of getting better insight from people that have no other way of knowing anything about me. This is what I'm talking about with people being not particularly helpful. Especially you Mariposa - you're super smart and a super caring person, and most of what you've said here has been helpful or at least straightforward and realistic, but it now seems to be devolving into telling me that I'm never going to make progress because apparently I'm refusing to. I don't get that... The point of this thread is to make progress...

The only point of contention that I've really had with anyone is whether or not psychiatric illness is a legitimate medical condition and whether or not meds are appropriate. I believe the answers are yes and yes. This can really change things in a discussion about how to get someone better, so I think it's pretty relevant. If people want to tell me I'm stupid for thinking it, that's fine, but PM me then, and leave it out of the thread, where I'm trying to be realistic and productive. People are lashing out about my opinion of my medical situation rather than trying to give me constructive advice. If you don't agree with my position, just don't agree, and don't post here... I'm going to stick with my research of the literature and my doctors' professional opinions. It is what has led me to my conclusions, and while I'm sure you're all intelligent people, you don't have degrees in psychiatry or medicine. I'm going to trust the people that do, for better or worse.

 

[Fallen1]

Ok. Life is so hard for you. What do you propose to do about it?

 

[rant*N*rave]

I am proposing that at this point, I have no idea. Suggestions?

That's my problem - I don't know how to do it. I spent the first 18 years of my life without any resource or outlet for acting emotionally normal. My parents were decidedly bad role models for healthy psychological behavior... So now I'm trying to unlearn it. I've been pretty successful in managing to feel adequate in my achievements (staying in school, successful at my job, etc.) even if I don't always get the A+, but I'm still having a lot of issues in assigning that stuff value, and thus ultimately giving myself any self-worth.

So much nonsense and crap has gone on that I'm really still prone to believe that everyone is going to fuck me over because I'm not worth doing right by, regardless of how awesome or flawed I am. I know factually that this is untrue, but my emotional responses don't jive with that. I really don't have any tools for coping with strongly negative experiences because I was never allowed to believe that they were anything but my fault, so there was never any reason for me to try to deal with anything or feel anything but guilt, shame, and sadness for being such a failure.

Now I have a reason - living my own life and being happy with it outside of the demands of anybody, especially those that have hurt me, and especially my mother - but I'm seriously ineffective at breaking out of the pattern of blaming myself or alternative being ragingly mad about everyone and everything else around me. I need to know what some tools are for effectively dealing with bad things. The path to recovery is different for everyone, but I'd really love to hear people's stories about how they did it, if not only to glean some information about how to do it, but also to see that it is doable. Self-doubt is my biggest enemy. Since I pretty much believe that I can't be successful in general, I tend to feel that my efforts to improve myself will ultimately be futile as well... For instance, in this case, all my hard work to improve myself was undone by a stupid text message. That's damn ridiculous. But my message to myself was "Jesus Christ, if you can't handle this, you're just fucked" and that led to a disastrous result... I felt that I had failed at *everything* because I ended up in a bad relationship AGAIN. When really all I did was end up in a bad relationship. I didn't fucking drop a nuke on an orphanage or experience some life-ending disaster. What do people do when they feel inadequate? What do people do when they feel they have no control? What do people do when they feel that other people are harming them? What do people do when they feel they have fucked up?

The answer may be obvious to everyone here, but therein lies my frustration. I literally don't know how to answer those questions because I never learned. I'm excellent and analyzing other people's situations and giving them great advice, but my emotional instability leads me to ignore that information and simply jump into the lake of nonsense. What do you do when you feel like crap and think it's the most awful thing since Spam?

 

[The Is]

Rant N Rave it seems like you keep saying 'nothing can ever fix me' and at the same time putting responsibility on us, of all things in the world internet people, to only post nice platitudes instead of what we really think, because that will help you.

Well may God bless you, or may you be lucky if you're an athiest.

No matter how bad it gets you can still choose to stay positive and try to make a better world than the one you were born in

 

[Beatlebot]

Be kind to yourself. Realise that people don't fuck you over because you are flawed, they do it because they are flawed. I don't think anyone here would suggest that what this guy did is OK. It's not OK to date someone for three months and tell them you want a relationship and then just suddenly drop off the face of the planet. That is fully lame and a dirtbag thing to do. It completely understandable that you should be upset. To be honest I think sending a message out on Facebook like you did is understandable as well Sure, all his friends probably think you're a fruit loop but who gives a fuck? I bet it felt good.

Letting this totally freak you out and effect your grades and put you in hospital and giving you a life attitude of "nobody will ever love me" is not reasonable however and to be honest, it's a little self-indulgent. It's OK though, maybe you learnt this kind of self-indulgent, dramatic, end of the world kind of behaviour from your parents and you don't have a role model for productive behaviour and coping skills. I can relate to that. So where are you going to learn this stuff?

Sadly, not from Bluelight. You can learn alot here but I think the stuff you need to learn will be learned from observing people coping and behaving honourably and doing the right thing in their day to day life. Look around you, who do you know who is kind and good and basically enjoying their life? What can you learn from them? I don't mean by going up to them and asking them to teach you stuff either, just by quietly observing them an listening to them what can you learn?

What do people do when they feel inadequate? Personally, I sulk for a day or two, then I see if I can do anything to improve the situation, then if I can't I move on and focus on areas of my life where I can be adequate.

What do people do when they feel they have no control? Let go

What do people do when they feel that other people are harming them? Tell that person what is wrong, give them one chance to fix it (or work on fixing it) then remove them from your life if the situation cannot be resolved. It feels bad removing people from your life sometimes, but it saves you alot of time and angst you don't need.

What do people do when they feel they have fucked up? Apologise, make amends - this applies even if you are only apologising and making amends to yourself.

And yes, you might want to think about doing some volunteer work at some point.

 

[rant*N*rave]

Sadly, not from Bluelight. You can learn alot here but I think the stuff you need to learn will be learned from observing people coping and behaving honourably and doing the right thing in their day to day life. Look around you, who do you know who is kind and good and basically enjoying their life? What can you learn from them? I don't mean by going up to them and asking them to teach you stuff either, just by quietly observing them an listening to them what can you learn?

Unfortunately I don't have many people in my life. Pretty much only one... And she has plenty of problems of her own (we "get" each other because we have a similar background and a lot of the same issues, but that doesn't always get us very far in helping each other beyond providing an understanding environment). That's why I'm trying to reach out here. I think a lot of that will change though once I finish school. I can't wait to get the hell out of this city - I swear it's the twilight zone... The people here are ridiculous - always drunk and rowdy every day of the week... That or so absorbed in school work that they have time for nothing else... It hasn't helped that I've been moving back and forth between different cities pretty much once a year. I'm shooting for Chicago once I graduate if I don't get into grad school - I absolutely love it there (but damn if I didn't pick the only place that has possibly worse winters than where I am now... ).

And yes, you might want to think about doing some volunteer work at some point.

I've done a ton and plan to do more - it does help. There's a great tutoring/mentoring program for elementary/middle school kids that I'm thinking about joining once I've got everything straightened out. I had been planning on joining at the beginning of the school year...

Thanks for your insights

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

I've done a ton and plan to do more - it does help. There's a great tutoring/mentoring program for elementary/middle school kids that I'm thinking about joining once I've got everything straightened out. I had been planning on joining at the beginning of the school year...

Great! This and other things like it would be a really good idea! I'm happy to hear you are doing this. You asked in one of your previous posts how a person learns to love themselves and I think becoming a person you respect is how. Doing things that make you feel proud is how. Giving makes you a stronger and better person and self love and self respect grows from that.

And most importantly be completely responsible for your emotions. I believe that even if someone walks up to you, spits in your face and makes a racial slur towards you, YOU are still completely responsible for the way it makes you feel. Another person can't truly "do" anything to you emotionally, once you realize that you have power over yourself this understanding becomes second nature. This is why men have dumped me before or said hurtful things to me and I simply choose not to care. They have no power over me.

You will get there.

 

[Missykins]

This is an easy one: it had NOTHING to do with you that your asshole of a boyfriend broke up you with via a text message. This shit happens all the time! You're not crazy, clingy, hypersexual, asexual, ugly, fat, etc. It's not your fault that he chose to be a pussy about the whole thing. I think it's fantastic what you did to his facebook page.

You are a hot, sexy, intelligent, self-reliant, absolute fox who leaves men speechless, so pull it together!

 

[fatallyflawed]

Ok I am gonna close this thread (maybe temporary...I dont know)

What I do know is we are going in circles and this is getting nothing more than people rilled up.

RNR...People ARE trying to help and you keep repeating the same problem.

Maybe some time to reflect on this would be benificial, maybe a psych, but I do not see if you are taking this seriously or not.

Feel free to PM and we can discuss further.