starlightchasin
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2020
- Messages
- 6
If I attempt suicide with my oxycodone and it fails—will I lose future access to pain management meds? Will my pain doctor stop treating me? Will there be a public record causing any future pain clinic to refuse to treat me?
No judgments, just honesty.
***Backstory:
I use oxycodone for chronic pain. I have a pain management doctor, and it is a completely legal prescription. It is necessary because I have several severe chronic injuries and chronic illnesses causing pain.
My life is horrible and hopeless and they’re really sick. All my family doesn’t care if they live or die. My boyfriend is abusive. I have no money for treatment. No money for medical treatment for severe illnesses that torment me. I have 100+ diagnosed medical problems. You choose an organ—I’ll tell you what is broken with it. I feel hopeless. I feel like I’m slowly dying. An agonizing death. It would take a miracle to save me. I just want to die faster so it hurts less.
edit to include: my sharp nerve pain is largely controlled by the oxycodone. And most of my whole body pain is controlled by the oxycodone. It’s not 100% gone. But it can’t get any better than this. Because other medicines make me throw up. And higher oxy doses make my head hurt with side effects. So my pain is decently controlled, not gone, but manageable.
So I don’t want to kill myself because of the pain.
But I have 999 other horrible symptoms. So many body systems are in agony. And I legitimately have a horrible bone infection that doctors keep messing up treatment with, and I’m scared it might kill me.
Worst of all is severe fatigue, and neurological problems.
i just want all the suffering to stop.
Let’s say I have about 30 pills of 10mg oxycodone right now. (Plain oxy, no Tylenol mixed in).
I am pretty sure that is a lethal dose.
But I am scared of the fallout, in case it fails.
1) What if, for some reason, it fails. (What if I throw it up. Maybe someone finds me and calls an ambulance and I miraculously live. I actually knows two different people who that happened to, and they survived overdose attempts. So weird stuff happens.)
So let’s say that I survive. And in the hospital after the overdose attempt, I successfully play along as a cooperative patient. I go through all the standard treatments. Hospitalization, inpatient psych ward, then outpatient therapy, etc.
Will my doctor cancel my pain management medications afterwards?
If I get caught using it to overdose?
Will a record of an overdose attempt blacklist me from receiving ANY pain medication from ANY CLINIC in the future?
I’m scared. Because if i fail and survive... and if doctors refuse to give me pain medication for the rest of my life...
It is a fate worse than death.
It will be pure torture. Constant agony.
I don’t want to get myself into a worse situation.
No judgments, just honesty.
***Backstory:
I use oxycodone for chronic pain. I have a pain management doctor, and it is a completely legal prescription. It is necessary because I have several severe chronic injuries and chronic illnesses causing pain.
My life is horrible and hopeless and they’re really sick. All my family doesn’t care if they live or die. My boyfriend is abusive. I have no money for treatment. No money for medical treatment for severe illnesses that torment me. I have 100+ diagnosed medical problems. You choose an organ—I’ll tell you what is broken with it. I feel hopeless. I feel like I’m slowly dying. An agonizing death. It would take a miracle to save me. I just want to die faster so it hurts less.
edit to include: my sharp nerve pain is largely controlled by the oxycodone. And most of my whole body pain is controlled by the oxycodone. It’s not 100% gone. But it can’t get any better than this. Because other medicines make me throw up. And higher oxy doses make my head hurt with side effects. So my pain is decently controlled, not gone, but manageable.
So I don’t want to kill myself because of the pain.
But I have 999 other horrible symptoms. So many body systems are in agony. And I legitimately have a horrible bone infection that doctors keep messing up treatment with, and I’m scared it might kill me.
Worst of all is severe fatigue, and neurological problems.
i just want all the suffering to stop.
Let’s say I have about 30 pills of 10mg oxycodone right now. (Plain oxy, no Tylenol mixed in).
I am pretty sure that is a lethal dose.
But I am scared of the fallout, in case it fails.
1) What if, for some reason, it fails. (What if I throw it up. Maybe someone finds me and calls an ambulance and I miraculously live. I actually knows two different people who that happened to, and they survived overdose attempts. So weird stuff happens.)
So let’s say that I survive. And in the hospital after the overdose attempt, I successfully play along as a cooperative patient. I go through all the standard treatments. Hospitalization, inpatient psych ward, then outpatient therapy, etc.
Will my doctor cancel my pain management medications afterwards?
If I get caught using it to overdose?
Will a record of an overdose attempt blacklist me from receiving ANY pain medication from ANY CLINIC in the future?
I’m scared. Because if i fail and survive... and if doctors refuse to give me pain medication for the rest of my life...
It is a fate worse than death.
It will be pure torture. Constant agony.
I don’t want to get myself into a worse situation.