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Does life have us set to fail?

RRJ31337

RRJ31337

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2016
Messages
70
Just as the title implies, does it seem like sometimes life is deliberately setting us up to fail? Its like as soon as you decide Aginst something, all the possibilities of that thing open up. I tried dope for the first time about 3 months ago after swearing that was the only drug I'd never do. It was such a long and horrible mission to get and as sooon as I tell myself "I'm not gonna do this drug anymore, ever" people litterally start popping up with it in they're pockets, At Work so i know its there every single day and now I've discovered suboxone.

I have a problem letting people in because i get attached to them and then they leave. I've kept to myself for so long and have been fine, the second i find another person I can relate to , as I'm getting to know them more and more they inform me that they will be leaving the state for good in a few months. It's like life isn't even waiting to deliver the punches anymore, you just open your eyes to a habitual fist.

Has anything like this happened to anyone else? I'm interested in other peoples stories on what happened and how they got thru it.

Thank you to whoever reads and replies to this.
 
I can relate. Sometimes it seems that whatever can go wrong, will. I used to live life expecting the worst and frequently was not disappointed. I felt like I worked hard for nothing, and everything I touched fell apart. My attitude was terrible.

What I failed to realize is that this happens to most people, all the time, except we don't often notice because we are too focused on our issues. Healthy people don't let it get them down because they don't dwell on the negative and have learned just to take life in stride. They focus on the positive and problem solve so the negative doesn't keep them down. Myself, I used to focus only on the negative to the point I could no longer see the positive.

It took going to rehab and having outsiders give me feedback (group) for me to realize just how fortunate I was and am. It took time but I have been able to teach myself how better to not lose perspective on life, particularly when times are tough. The harder things are, the more inclined I am to keep a scorecard and write out what is working well and what is not so I can better identify points of failure.

Regarding the dope you reference, most likely it was always just as readily available, however up until then, you didn't care about it so you didn't notice. Since you've experienced it you're more aware. As for telling yourself you were never going to try it and then trying it, that one is on you ;) I will say it sounds like you are disappointed in yourself for trying it and you need to move beyond that feeling - it's not productive and if you allow it to continue it will bring you down.

As for finding out someone you care about is moving, that happens all the time. You said it's in a few months, there's a chance they may not move. However, we have wonderful technology that allows us to readily access our loved ones just about anywhere in the world - you can still remain an active part of each other's lives. I know distance sucks but it's not an end all. If the relationship is very significant consider moving with them - maybe a change of scenery will do you good.

Ask yourself has the quality of your life improved because you know this person? If the answer is yes, than that in and of itself is a positive, regardless of the length of the relationship. Are you a better person because of knowing them, and are the memories you have of them going to last for years to come, if yes again then more positives. The alternative is in lieu of knowing them you were just alone for that time, so which would you prefer?

Life is hard. Perspective makes all the difference in the world in how you experience it. The next time you're down try to consider the positives, and consider what you are gaining from the situation that you can take with you moving forward. For the next week when you wake up in the morning, before you think of anything else force yourself to think about five things that are going right for you. It doesn't have to be anything huge - some times my life was so low that one of the items on the list was at least I have coffee...man - those were some of the best cups of coffee I have ever had and I smiled while I drank them - made it easier to get through the day.

Eventually life does getter better, even if it's only though change. You mature, you grow, and your focus shifts. Make the most of every experience, everything has a positive, sometimes you just hve to look harder to find it. I do hope you start feeling better soon!
 
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RRJ31337 said:
Just as the title implies, does it seem like sometimes life is deliberately setting us up to fail? Its like as soon as you decide Aginst something, all the possibilities of that thing open up. I tried dope for the first time about 3 months ago after swearing that was the only drug I'd never do. It was such a long and horrible mission to get and as sooon as I tell myself "I'm not gonna do this drug anymore, ever" people litterally start popping up with it in they're pockets, At Work so i know its there every single day and now I've discovered suboxone.

I have a problem letting people in because i get attached to them and then they leave. I've kept to myself for so long and have been fine, the second i find another person I can relate to , as I'm getting to know them more and more they inform me that they will be leaving the state for good in a few months. It's like life isn't even waiting to deliver the punches anymore, you just open your eyes to a habitual fist.

Has anything like this happened to anyone else? I'm interested in other peoples stories on what happened and how they got thru it.

Thank you to whoever reads and replies to this.
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Yes life does have us set to fail. Our desires are of no import to life. Once we pass the stage where we can procreate life gets rid of us. We break down and the body and mind fails. That's why the Buddha said life is Dukkha. You will suffer and die.
 
To be quite honest I am much the opposite. I dont mind letting people in my life even with the understanding they will eventually leave. I am actually the one who never contacts or cares about it I am constantly changing groups of friends and never have the same ones for long. I think the longest I ever held the same group of friends was in high school, then once i went to college we basically stopped talking. NH

The main thing is to be comfortable with yourself. The thing i jokingly say is "Everyone remembers knowing szuko yet he remembers no one" because i view my life as a positive impact on new people and thus the best thing i can do is change groups of friends... you know for the improvement of human society ;)

But i think that i am ok with it largely because i love myself a lot and value my impact on the people i meet, they impact me but as Moreaux said their positive impact on me is what matters in my life, not so much the time spent. Though now i have a more permadent circle consisting of my younger brother and my former g/f, i think we will be connected for life.
 
It does feel like life is taking a big steaming shit on you, it's just that people are pretenders and will only show you the good instead of all the bad. I look at Twitter and think "Really, your life is going that great, huh?" There's no telling if they're dying from cancer or almost homeless or if they're in the middle of a divorce. They just show us the good.

It is funny how the devil works as my granny would say. Like OP, he started noticing dope everywhere when he wanted to quit. The devil is very tempting and he will get you at your weakest point. I'm not religious so don't think I'm preaching, but I've lived long enough to see how he fucks with all of us at our most vulnerable time and we mostly fall prey and give in.

I want to date again someday, but I try to keep people at a distance. I don't want them to get too close and know the real me. I can be such a bummer. I need to work on creating a better life for myself so I can have something good to share with others. No one wants to hear you complain about being down all the time. Try to find something you love. Even if you've never done it before, painting, writing anything. Second guessing yourself can be dangerous. I've heard so many musicians and artist say "I never though that would be a hit and it became massive." It changed their lives. Risk is scary, but life boils down to risk or you will be wasting away like me, afraid to make a move or try anything new. Good luck.
 
It's all about perspective..some ppl would think that's a good thing to have dope around all the time..but your life has led u to not want dope on call so u think of it as negative..life can be the biggest gift or the most horrid curse..u can't control what happens but u can control how u react..accepting what happens with a even outlook is important..u think life has shit on u because u have this expectation of what life should be and its not meeting your standards..
 
As a serial monogamist for most of my life I could say that I had a number of failed relationships or I could say that I had a bunch of wonderful, unique relationships that ran their course and created lots of good wisdom and memories. I'll take the latter. I could say that life has "given" me or "subjected" me to much suffering--losing a child to despair and addiction, having a partner whose life has been severely shut down by cancer, suffering due to my own nature and a fractured family early in my life--or I could say that I got twenty years with one of the most fascinating and amazing human beings I could ever imagine (my younger son) and I hope to spend at least twenty more with his inspiring and amazing brother. Allowing the sadness that comes with suffering also allows us to fully value what we have received. Creating bonds with other human beings is vulnerable business--whether through friendship, marriage or procreation. Acknowledging loss recognizes and creates gratitude--if what you had was not meaningful, you would not mourn the loss.

There is no master hand directing life, no Great Mind singling any of us out for more or less suffering. Life is an organic, miraculous, terrible, beautiful, complex tangle of itself. Sometimes to me it feels like being rolled by a wave in strong surf and sometimes it's a magnificent float, but the ocean is just the ocean--it isn't paying any more mind to you than to a bit of plankton.

When life feels difficult and even unbearable--and it most certainly can--it is good to remember how brief our time here really is. I realize this is easier for me as an older person but even when I was younger this realization was strangely comforting to me.
 
Anyone can do it though, you certainly help :)

I feel like most "old" people I know are just angry. Or confused. But again, this applies to all generations, people in their teens, 20, 30, 40, 50 and forever and on.

Don't shit where you eat. Conversely, surround yourself with the people you would like to become.
 
We make our own luck. I'm responsible for the majority of the bad in my life. Sure - random bad things come along for everyone, but as has been mentioned above, the positive amongst us will approach these things with the right attitude. I used to be great at it, then married one of the most negative people in the world, spun out for a decade (not blaming her exactly, but her negativity would rub off on a room), got out of that torrid situation and now I'm getting better at approaching each day with a smile again.

Take pleasure in the little things. Fear accounts for a lot of this negative world view people hold, no doub. tAs a wise man once said, "fuck fear or fear will fuck you".
 
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^^^Hear, hear. I don't believe in fate and destiny. We cannot control everything, of course. But we can develop healthy attitudes and fear responses by being mindful of fear and not running from it. Our 'fight or flight' response was adapted during a time when our ancestors faced mortal danger at every turn. Danger from other tribes who wanted to murder us for our food or women, wild animals trying to eat us alive etc. So our senses are in overdrive and ill-adapted for modern life. But knowing what is going on in our bodies during times of fear (I hate the word anxiety. Anxiety is FEAR!) helps us learn how to process situations.

Sorry if I'm off topic. I'm exhausted at the moment. :|
 
herbavore said:
As a serial monogamist for most of my life I could say that I had a number of failed relationships or I could say that I had a bunch of wonderful, unique relationships that ran their course and created lots of good wisdom and memories. I'll take the latter. I could say that life has "given" me or "subjected" me to much suffering--losing a child to despair and addiction, having a partner whose life has been severely shut down by cancer, suffering due to my own nature and a fractured family early in my life--or I could say that I got twenty years with one of the most fascinating and amazing human beings I could ever imagine (my younger son) and I hope to spend at least twenty more with his inspiring and amazing brother. Allowing the sadness that comes with suffering also allows us to fully value what we have received. Creating bonds with other human beings is vulnerable business--whether through friendship, marriage or procreation. Acknowledging loss recognizes and creates gratitude--if what you had was not meaningful, you would not mourn the loss.

There is no master hand directing life, no Great Mind singling any of us out for more or less suffering. Life is an organic, miraculous, terrible, beautiful, complex tangle of itself. Sometimes to me it feels like being rolled by a wave in strong surf and sometimes it's a magnificent float, but the ocean is just the ocean--it isn't paying any more mind to you than to a bit of plankton.

When life feels difficult and even unbearable--and it most certainly can--it is good to remember how brief our time here really is. I realize this is easier for me as an older person but even when I was younger this realization was strangely comforting to me.
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That's a really healthy perspective bro.
 
Billions of people on the planet would look at me and think I have unimaginable wealth.

I mean, I'm a currently unemployed working class guy in North America, which means my living standard, relatively speaking is very, very high.

So I have trouble getting too down on my particular situation.

It's all relative, and one way or the other, it's not like we are going to wind up in different places. You, me, the guy in sub-Saharan Africa who thinks we are rich, the billionaire tycoon living in a mansion, we are all headed in the same direction. Regardless of larger ideological ideas, I think it important to remember that.
 
It ain't all about money though. A rich American who is lonely vs a poor African surrounded by friends and family. Who's worse off?
 
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