okay, i'll elaborate.
im pretty fuckin depressed. ive just told my mother that i have been started on effexor, but that's only the beginning, and i told her after two months into it. my partner knows, but he doesn't fully understand. ive told two other besties, but not the whole extent.
i share that im seeing a therapist, but you have to understand that one of my besties is about to be a full fledged phd with a focus on counseling, another... an md. not less than three others are in the social work/ counseling arena.
in short, although i love these women, and they are my closest allies, i feel like an ongoing project to them sometimes. i know that's not how they see me, but my lack of self confidence, and lack of relatability sometimes sets me apart.
plus, for the most part, at least my perception is, that everyone else is doing pretty ok. i hate being the one everyone worries about, and ive been that way for too long. so, i lie as much as i can as far as that goes.
my bf has an emotionally unstable mother, and god forbid i have a big cry. most men would come and give a hug, but i know he's been through the wringer with that, so there is another way i have to hide my emotions.
i know after all this i sound like a big suck, and guess what: i am! im working on it though.
