Does anyone here ever question if they are an addict?

[Allein]

Hmmm. I have great difficulty with these type of questions, the idea of objectively assessing yourself and also being able to make assessments of other people's view of things really seems beyond me.

There are few places where I would talk about such things, but from what I've gathered most people are much better at these things than I.

I don't like labels, it seems most people who talk about being an addict have had a serious opiate habit, I don't make that assumption, it's purely based on people I've known and know here and IRL. Many people consider themselves an addict even though they are not currently 'using' so that definable marker is of no use.

I've abused substances from a young child, smoking at 8 and binge drinking at 12. So far I've not developed a serious problem with opiates, a handful of illicit uses. I have had a series of damaging problems with substance abuse, most notably (in terms of damage IMO) Benzos, stimulants and alcohol.

Am I an addict ? I honestly don't know because I have no idea what not being an addict means so where would i start in working it out.

..and while we're at at, why is everything so dam complicated

 

[neversickanymore]

..and while we're at at, why is everything so dam complicated

Well said A

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

When I was drinking alcohol when I was really bad I would go on daily binges for months at a time self medicating with alcohol, or using it as an escape to get so drunk I'd black out. I did not start out this way but eventually I started to drink this way. I did not have access to a car at all during this time and I would just drink at home alone, and then go out to a bar and drink more. I was in college at the time and a fulltime student and I found it not that difficult to do this, work, attend classes, do well in classes, take exams, do research, write long papers, and work on projects for university classes. I did realize I had a problem with drinking daily and I tried using cannabis instead and eventually I just wound up smoking herb daily instead, and this was not good. I did pretty much stay sober for a short period of time but then once classes started up I started to drink and smoke herb again.

But then sometimes I was able to drink "normally" or socially or only have 1-2 drinks in an evening with a meal.

I quit drinking without going to NA/AA, rehab, or detox. when I was getting ready to quit I would on ocassion a few times a month on weekends drink only 1-2 drinks. Or if I was out with friends drinking at a bar or party I would drink 5-6 drinks. There was one time I did drink 6 drinks alone but usually the only time I drank like that was when I would be in a bar with friends, on vacation in a bar with friends, or at a party drinking with friends.

It sounds weird but some alcohols I would not binge on. I grew up drinking a glass of wine with meals or at holidays and I've never had more than 2 glasses of wine or gotten very drunk off of it the way I have with beer and various liquors?

Maybe it's best I avoid alcohol? Or if I ever do choose to drink again only drink wine with a meal and only maybe a few times a year?

Part of me wants to drink, and then part of me says to stay far away from it, and is afraid to or does not want to let it get out of control like it did before as I've heard that it won't be nearly as easy to stop.

 

[Greyhounder]

What a good question, yes and no is the unhelpful answer.
I smoked fags for 40 years and that is a clear yes I was addicted, yes I am addicted now even though I haven't touched tobacco in over six months. I know that I am because I gave up once before for a whole year, smoked a fag for no obvious reason and the next day was smoking as many as before I gave up, it has taken me twenty odd years to get my shit together for another go. Thats what I learnt, I cant ever touch a fag or a joint or anything with tobacco in ever again and provided I don't I will be ok.
The quacks would say that I am a binge drinking alcoholic, I do tick most of the boxes but I don't think I am addicted, in fact I am sure that I am not, my alcohol use is firmly under my control and I choose to use it to excess as opposed to fags which used me to excess.
Cannabis is the same, I once worked out that it had been five years since I last went a day without a smoke, true to form we had a drought within weeks and it was months until it all went back to normal. The first day without was a bit anxiety provoking and I worried about sleeping but in the end slept fine and that was it. Now I have seen all the threads from people who do experience withdrawls from cannabis but fortunately I am not one of them. If I wanted to just have an occasional drink I could and the same with dope and it is not an inevitable decline back into dependant use but that is not an option with nicotine.

 

[Corazon]

There are problems that caused us to change our ways.

For some reason, our memory lies to us in ways that minimize the harm of those problems in order to justify using again.

Have to override that. Have to look at life in a larger scale, and not in the next several hours or whatever.

 

[VitamaN]

There was no question. I knew at age 15 that even denying it wasn't an option . Total junkie

 

[bcfly7x7]

Im not sure yet, never used illegal drugs before or after my detox. To make this short, I have chronic pain. Was/am I an addict, YES! With that being said, I was physically and mentally addicted. Now that im clean, I have zero pull to opiates or benzos. I deal with my pain in alternative methods. Now im only 36, and maybe as I get older and the pain grows, maybe ill go back so I can function. That was the only reason I started taking prescribed opiates and benzos.

For now, I eat healthier (still love my cheese steaks) but in moderation. Also I joined a gym so I can work out and get fit, since I cant run on pavement, the elliptical has been great. I was 147lbs in college, ballooned to 235. Ive lost 25lbs in 4 weeks and im shooting for another 40. Thus reducing the stress on my back. Im also doing acupuncture, and electric stimulation.

So am I an addict, yes. My only trigger is pain, not drinking, not friends, not anything else. Im responsible for my own actions.

Good luck, and hope this helps a bit. (Even though im only a "greenlighter" as pointed out by some) This is my story.

Bob

 

[edgewise1]

I think I was very objective in assessing myself.....why. ...because I admitted l was addicted to opiates. Since I will be on them for as long as I live I am not deluding myself by saying otherwise. Besides, I am happy as I am and see no reason to say any different or to deny it.

Maybe it's because of my age and the life I have lived that I find no better place than Bluelight to come "out" as an addict. I have no reason to fear anything or anyone by admitting this character flaw so I admit it freely. I AM AN ADDICT!

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I do sometimes question myself as I wrote in my previous post to this thread. But I'm not going to start drinking or using other drugs again.

I started thinking back to how I would drink pitchers of beer and I don't mean sharing one with someone but drinking an entire one myself, and then drinking shots of liquor or mixed drinks.

I have met people who have done both for decades, and it's not something I want to risk.

 

[edgewise1]

Is it normal for those of us who are addicts or who have abused drugs in the past to question if we are an addict after we get sober?


Is this just our mind, addiction, or personality trying to trick us into using again?

I think it is because sò many programs and institutions tell us that we are addicts for life that we believe this way. I blame the 12 step programs, AA & NA, and some of the church programs. I never went to AA/NA, but I did go to a church sponsored program, Reformers Unanimous, where I was told every night that I was an addict. If I didn't know it before then I sure knew it afterwards!!?

It really does not matter to me what title someone wants to label me with. I'm still going to be what I am and do what I do!