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Does anybody else find themselves planing murder?

tommy34

tommy34

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 13, 2010
Messages
313
Hey everyone, I probably sounds like a psychopath writing this. So I went out on Saturday night and I saw this guys that was in my year at school. When I was in year 8 he bullied me very severely. I absolutely hated his as I never did anything to him but he just did not like me and wasn't afraid to show it. In some way i feel that sparked the depression I live with now. I was 12 or 13 at the time and I'm 20 now. So I was thinking about it just before and I found myself thinking of ways I could kill him because he simply isn't a good person. I was even thinking of what I would say if i got caught. I am not a violent person at all and I would never act on the thoughts. But I am was a little disturbed that I was plotting murder. Has anybody else found themselves doing this??
 
I think Freud would say it's healthy to let your id vent in your dreams and fantasies but your superego will keep your ego in check.

On another note I feel like after you planned it all out, built up your courage, and just as you were about to stab him in the back after sneaking up from behind he would turn and your eyes would meet. He would say "Hey Tommy I've been look for you yadda yadda yadda...I want to apologize for how I acted yadda yadda yadda...I was such a stupid kid could you ever forgive me?" You would be dumbstruck, hide the knife behind your back and say "Yeah I guess so."

I think I've been watching too much TV or something.
 
amapola said:
I think Freud would say it's healthy to let your id vent in your dreams and fantasies but your superego will keep your ego in check.

On another note I feel like after you planned it all out, built up your courage, and just as you were about to stab him in the back after sneaking up from behind he would turn and your eyes would meet. He would say "Hey Tommy I've been look for you yadda yadda yadda...I want to apologize for how I acted yadda yadda yadda...I was such a stupid kid could you ever forgive me?" You would be dumbstruck, hide the knife behind your back and say "Yeah I guess so."

I think I've been watching too much TV or something.
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I don't think he would do that, he would try fight me because he is a wonna be gangster. what I planned wasn't violent so I wouldn't have a knife to hide haha.
 
Sometimes but I hear the drugs in prison are really expensive.
 
Homicidal/suicidal thoughts are pretty common. If you find yourself acting on these thoughts in any way, seek immediate help.
 
This is almost too funny. Many years ago, when my kids were in grade school, I used to do lunch once a week with several other moms. There was one week when we all were fighting with our husbands and we actually did get to the point where we "discussed" how each of them would die! I'm quite sure that the people in the surrounding booths at Ruby Tuesday's heard us talking too. One husband is dead but he died in an accident and I can personally vouch for the wife as we were in our adjoining back yards at the time.

Thinking about it to release anger is fine so long as you don't sharpen any knives, buy ammo, etc.!
 
I think evreyone has felt the way you do at some point in life.I guess its normal or atleast semi normal to feel like that just as long as somewhere in the back of ur head you know you would never actually do it.
 
when i was going through acute benzo withdrawal, i had difficulty trying not to plot the murder of anyone who annoyed me.
 
If i actually acted on every murder i thought of doing id probably be doing a few hundred years in prison right now. So no your far from alone just don't act on them cause prison sucks much less doing life in it. Most of these bullies are total cowards and grow up to be burnt out losers who no cunt likes at all. I had a similar situation happen to me about 10 years ago in a bar where i saw these 2 guys who tried to pick on me when i was younger (i stopped that really quick and noone ever bothered me again) so i slid right in between them and tossed back a beer. I even started chattin to one of the fat fucks waiting for them to give me any reason to do some rather violent and fucked up shit. I remember saying something like "ye 2 won't fuckin try nothing with me now will ye by's". Since the place was quiet everyone heard. The cunts said nothing and after i slammed a glass down on the bar they got up and left and i damn near fell off my bar stool laughing at both of them.

So really just laugh at the fucking losers. They arent worth thinking about much less doing time over.
 
I was also bullied all through highschool/middle school/elementary, there was one person i planned on killing. Didnt go threw with it. Its something to worry about when your actually going through with these things.
 
First off, go and rent the movie "Sleepers" and you will enjoy one of the best responses hollywood has made to the issue of wanting/taking revenge for childhood injustices. Their planning was after the murder though

IMHO it's a natural human reaction to want to hurt someone whose inflicted damage to us. A quick thought about killing isn't uncommon. However, if you are actually making a plan with details... and are acting on this with behavior like stalking or investigating his lifestyle...etc, that's cause for concern and I suggest a fast appt with a therapist. You may need either short or long term counseling to get past this.

Just remember... most pre-meditated murders are commited by narcissistic sociopaths who want something or someone back and/or simply wants what another has and can get it easier thru homicide. That "something" can be an irrational hope to regain self-worth perceived as stolen from them...

t's not likely you're a narcissist and/or a sociopath... otherwise you wouldn't be talking about your thoughts here. Your bully may be one or else raised in a home with one or the other. Pity comes to mind when I think of some bully's I knew from childhood.
 
Its something to worry about when your actually going through with these things.
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It's something to worry about when you were a little too popular in highschool heh heh :\

"Man, I'm glad I called that guy."
 
I usually only think bout it for self defense and such, I try not to let my guard down and I constantly think bout what I could use as a weapon or what I'd do if someone attacked me, anything I could use as a weapon, etc. I've thought about that stuff ever since I was little cause I always imagined myself getting shot or stabbed and I grew up fighting.

Last night I actually had a dream that some dumb white trash bitch tried to blackmail me and then called the cops on me so I smashed her head into her RV over and over. She was made of rubber and just kept mocking me, so frustrating.
 
paranoid android said:
So really just laugh at the fucking losers. They arent worth thinking about much less doing time over.
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Everybody I have heard speak about his doesn't like him. Usually the words 'wanker' or 'douche bag' come up.

I wouldn't go through with the plan mainly because the stalking, finding out his routines is just to much effort. Not only that, I would have to live the rest of my life with blood on my hands and never be able to tell anyone and frankly this wanker isn't worth the time or risk.

I'm just happy I'm not the only one who gets these disturbing thoughts, I didn't think I was a psychopath.

I find myself thinking about suicide more than murder anyway, which I do need to seek help for.
 
I've quite often found myself wishing people lethal harm and in some cases I've felt a profound sense of satisfaction when it's finally happened to them. Karma's caught up with quite a few people who've shit on me in recent years and I'm not going to deny that schadenfreude can taste very sweet.
 
I use to contemplate killing people when I was your age too but I think as you get older you realize murder is too "soft" a treatment for many people.
And its far better to psychologically torture people than to kill them imo.

Which is why instead of fantasizing how to kill people, fantasize how to make people want to kill themselves. You'll find yourself devising all sorts of evil strategies that work much more affectively than murder lol.
And yeh I realize how all this stuff comes off in TDS but I'm not as crazy as I sound.
 
i fantasize about murder lots. everyone does. its just the people who actually act on it that sets them apart.

if you start putting your plan into action, then worry. otherwise, every person has a chance to dream :)
 
yes, i did entertain thoughts of murder in reference to two people who physically and emotionally abused me, one when i was a little kid, one when i was an adult. once i was able to get out of both situations and gain a little perspective, i realized i would be a worthless, horrible waste of skin like both of them. if i followed through on the thoughts i had they would be gone and unable to hurt me or anyone else again but my actions would have hurt other people who had nothing to do with what happened to me. even abusive scumbags have parents and siblings who care about them.
i have scars that will never fade from both of these assholes but somehow horrible things people do come back around to exact some bit of revenge. both creeps have ended up in prison for 5+ years because of things they did to others.
one way or another i have to believe they got what was coming to them and that can be enough.
-izzy
 
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