So I have been getting weird brain zaps and withdrawal like symptoms, so I went to see my doctor yesterday. We talked and we came under the decision that the Seroquel must stop, at least for now.
You see Seroquel is an SSRI as you might know and I have a history with epilepsy and she's worried that it might have inhibited something it shouldn't have (or rather should have but I cant HAVE inhibited) and those brain zaps run a good chance of being seizures of a very mild kind.
Hell not that they're mild to me, they fucking hurt and bothersome and are just putting me out of sorts.
So I've been off Seroquel 48hrs now, I stopped the night before the appointment of my own accord, not cause of brain zaps but rather I refused to take them that night and I stayed up all night talking to my girlfriend from Sunset to Sunrise
I've come to a conundrum, you see in my past my relationships were because I felt the need to have to date someone to either not be alone or the fad of it (as a teenager). Now that I am beyond all that pettiness I have come to realize that I might have thought I was in love in the past but it was just that I didn't want to be alone. So I really don't know the difference between that "need" and actual being in love / falling in love / etc.
Maybe that's why my subconscious picked an amazing person who lives 2.5hrs away from me that can't spend every day with me. It gives us the chance to learn about each other and have a real relationship (of sorts) and not fall into the trap of 3 step lesbians. I am definitely not a 3 step lesbian, not into that type of thing at all. Maybe a 2372463746 step lesbian or something LOL.
We started chatting May 28th and met for the first time on July 22nd, she came down a second time a week later on the 28th. We had a talk about what we want and we both agree we want a relationship, though that conversation was like pulling teeth on BOTH sides LOL 3 days ago and the other day we had deep convos about feelings and such. I'm not one for talking about cheesy stuff.
I am so out of my element/safe zone/whatev with this gal and I am fucking loving it. She is helping me get back to me, the me that I always needed to get back to, the one that is outgoing and not so shy. Who has a sky soaring ego and high self esteem.
Fuck, I'm sounding like a god damned Hallmark Card. LOL.
Things are good but I'm still paranoid about it all, its hard not to be. More so that she lives 2.5hrs away from me and we can only hang out 7 days out of 31 days. We are working on maybe a week visit or something.... "longer" was the key word but longer can be anything over 3 day visit.
Her birthday is on the 20th and I hope she can visit. Going to plan something special. Dinner at a nice restaurant, flowers, a nice walk, then come back home to some candles and massage oils and a calm set tone in the house.
I dunno what to get her for her birthday though.
So, if anyone can enlighten me on what is Love, what is falling in love. what is real.....
bah, I fucking suck. LOL.
She sent me these two songs:
http://youtu.be/mvBxmQ-P45A
http://youtu.be/gRZumd8uFZI
So I sent back:
http://youtu.be/_1VsthoCrRs
http://youtu.be/QdxyPYVBh5I
The night was full of cheesy mushy convo, and as always a blast.
What I really wanted to send was: http://youtu.be/C5G8jkkiiqY
.....but I chickened out.
I haven't told my mom yet, hell I'm not even OUT to my mom and brother yet. They plan on coming down to visit around the time my gf will be here.
..... well.....this should be fun......
You see Seroquel is an SSRI as you might know and I have a history with epilepsy and she's worried that it might have inhibited something it shouldn't have (or rather should have but I cant HAVE inhibited) and those brain zaps run a good chance of being seizures of a very mild kind.
Hell not that they're mild to me, they fucking hurt and bothersome and are just putting me out of sorts.
So I've been off Seroquel 48hrs now, I stopped the night before the appointment of my own accord, not cause of brain zaps but rather I refused to take them that night and I stayed up all night talking to my girlfriend from Sunset to Sunrise
I've come to a conundrum, you see in my past my relationships were because I felt the need to have to date someone to either not be alone or the fad of it (as a teenager). Now that I am beyond all that pettiness I have come to realize that I might have thought I was in love in the past but it was just that I didn't want to be alone. So I really don't know the difference between that "need" and actual being in love / falling in love / etc.
Maybe that's why my subconscious picked an amazing person who lives 2.5hrs away from me that can't spend every day with me. It gives us the chance to learn about each other and have a real relationship (of sorts) and not fall into the trap of 3 step lesbians. I am definitely not a 3 step lesbian, not into that type of thing at all. Maybe a 2372463746 step lesbian or something LOL.
We started chatting May 28th and met for the first time on July 22nd, she came down a second time a week later on the 28th. We had a talk about what we want and we both agree we want a relationship, though that conversation was like pulling teeth on BOTH sides LOL 3 days ago and the other day we had deep convos about feelings and such. I'm not one for talking about cheesy stuff.
I am so out of my element/safe zone/whatev with this gal and I am fucking loving it. She is helping me get back to me, the me that I always needed to get back to, the one that is outgoing and not so shy. Who has a sky soaring ego and high self esteem.
Fuck, I'm sounding like a god damned Hallmark Card. LOL.
Things are good but I'm still paranoid about it all, its hard not to be. More so that she lives 2.5hrs away from me and we can only hang out 7 days out of 31 days. We are working on maybe a week visit or something.... "longer" was the key word but longer can be anything over 3 day visit.
Her birthday is on the 20th and I hope she can visit. Going to plan something special. Dinner at a nice restaurant, flowers, a nice walk, then come back home to some candles and massage oils and a calm set tone in the house.
I dunno what to get her for her birthday though.
So, if anyone can enlighten me on what is Love, what is falling in love. what is real.....
bah, I fucking suck. LOL.
She sent me these two songs:
http://youtu.be/mvBxmQ-P45A
http://youtu.be/gRZumd8uFZI
So I sent back:
http://youtu.be/_1VsthoCrRs
http://youtu.be/QdxyPYVBh5I
The night was full of cheesy mushy convo, and as always a blast.
What I really wanted to send was: http://youtu.be/C5G8jkkiiqY
.....but I chickened out.
I haven't told my mom yet, hell I'm not even OUT to my mom and brother yet. They plan on coming down to visit around the time my gf will be here.
..... well.....this should be fun......
