Jaw Clenching
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2005
- Messages
- 551
It was a seemingly normal Friday afternoon. I got home from work around 5:30pm and I felt a familiar feeling. I get a certain difficult to describe feeling when I know it's my time to trip. It's a good feeling that's sort of like a combination of excitement, happiness and nervousness. I don't really like tripping at home anymore, it just seems like a waste to me. It's much more worthwhile to trip at places that are a little more unfamiliar to me.
I didn't want to trip alone, but my girlfriend (and regular tripping partner) was out of town visiting her family and friends. I don't have any friends that live close-by that like to trip, so I signed onto AOL Instant Messenger. I noticed one person was online whom I have spoken to a few times before; we've never met in person, however. We have similar tastes in music and like to party, etc. I asked him if he knew of anything fun going on tonight, and he said he was going to a show in Hollywood. Apparently there was going to be some live performances by electronica influenced bands and artists.
We arranged for me to drive to his house and then get a ride to the venue from one of his friends. I was really glad I wouldn't have to be driving much at all that night. I had to leave my house in somewhat of a rush since our ride was going to be there shortly. Right before I left, I grabbed my one and only dose of DOB (3mg on a piece of blotter paper) and placed it in my wallet.
When I arrived at this mystery internet person's house we introduced ourselves and sat around in his room until our ride arrived. I'll refer to my new acquaintance as Ben. We watched the first thirty minutes or so of the movie Gummo. It was pretty weird and disturbing, but I tend to enjoy movies like that.
Eventually our ride arrived and Ben introduced me to the people in the car - the driver, Cesar, and his companion who I assume is his sister Lisa. I helped Ben put his computer and a few other things in the trunk of the car. My new friends informed me that Ben and Cesar are doing one of the performances tonight, which I thought was really cool. Right before we left I put the blotter paper on my tongue and kept it in my mouth until I could no longer sense the familiar bitter chemical taste. The time was around 8:30pm.
On the ride there I tried to explain to the other people in the car what DOB was, and what it's like. None of them were familiar with any psychedelic drugs besides acid and shrooms so they were pretty interested. I started to feel the onset of the drug around 45 minutes after I took it. The onset is slow and seemed to share the qualities of the first alerts of a 2C-E trip. I started feeling detached from the rest of the world. My surroundings seemed to really interest me. The music we listened to in the car was enjoyable, and I later discovered it was actually Cesar's own music.
When we were about 20 minutes away from our destination we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car to stretch. I was already started to have some visual distortions. Colorful patterns and flowing movement trails graced my visual field. While Ben and Cesar were inside the gas station Lisa came up to me and started talking to me. I had a difficult time expressing my thoughts into words and sentences. She was kind of bummed that I didn't bring any other drugs with me.
When got to the downtown Los Angeles area, I recognized everything around me. I used to go to places in that general area quite often a few years ago. Cesar missed one of the freeways he was supposed to take, but luckily I knew my way around the area, and convinced him to stay on the freeway. When we were about 5 minutes away from our destination I started to feel very nauseous. I was really hoping that the DOB wasn't going to make me sick. I think it was a combination of insane freeway driving and the drug itself, but I ended up puking a little in an empty fast food bag they had in the car.
After what seemed like an eternity of driving in LA traffic we finally made it to where we were going. It was a bar in a not so great part of Hollywood. I immediately started to worry. I'm not 21 years old; I really doubted they'd even let me in. We walked up to the entrance where some girl was taking money and checking ID's. I handed her a $20 bill and my driver license. She had a really hard time figuring out whether or not I was 21. It says "Age 21 in 2005" on my license, but she either couldn't find my birthday or didn't know how to figure out if I was 21 yet. After some confusion between both of us I told her I wasn't 21 yet, but I was there with Cesar - one of the people performing. She decided to let me in, but she said just try to sit down in front because she could get in a lot of trouble for letting me in. I told her I wasn't planning on drinking anyway, so not to worry.
Right on, I got in! That was a huge relief for me. Ben and Cesar were setting up their equipment and I just found a place to sit down at. At this point I was tripping really hard, I couldn't believe what I was doing and how everything worked out. The visuals were getting pretty strong too, lot's of colors, shifting, trails and distortion. I was still feeling pretty sick to my stomach though. I was also having involuntary muscle tremors in my legs, something I also get with 2C-E.
I didn't really move around that much or even talk to anyone. I was just sitting by myself in some bar with a bunch of freaky looking kids just hanging out and stuff. Once the music started, I felt much better. The first performance was by a young looking guy with a lot electronic equipment on a table. He was playing this really awesome ambient/electro music. Not too many people were in to it, but I really liked it.
After his set was over, Ben and Cesar started getting ready for their go at pleasing the strange, yet intriguing people. All Ben really did was hook his computer up to the sound system and queued up songs in WinAmp. Cesar, however, took to the mic and started his hip-hop routine. I really enjoyed his lyrics. They were hilarious with endless references to being a kid in the late '80s and early '90s. I could relate in a very personal way too much of what he was saying. The music was really cool to, it wasn't your normal, everyday hip-hop beats; it was heavily influenced by electronic and video game music. Everyone watching seemed to like his performance.
During this time Lisa sat next to me and asked how I was doing. At this time I was so far gone I had to really concentrate to reply with intelligible responses. I talked to her about how I could relate to a lot of Cesar's lyrics, and it reminded me a lot of my own childhood. She let me know again that she thought I sucked for not bringing more drugs with me. Even if I did have more with me, I don't think I'd ever even consider giving something like DOB to anyone there. It took all the mental power and self-control I had to keep my composure and not flip out there.
The next act was something I was not expecting at all. The headlining group for the night was "Sonic Death Rabbit". How awesome of a name is that. There was two people in the group: some guy wearing a weird ski mask and some other funky stuff and a girl wearing a pink bunny outfit sewn together with bits of fabric. The only way I could describe the music is Happy Hardcore/Gabber music with Death Metal vocals and all kinds of other wildly incorporated musical strangeness.
I honestly couldn't believe what was going on. I didn't know whether to feel terrified, happy, confused or energized. I was sitting in the front, really close to the stage. The girl in the pink bunny suit must have seen my face or something, because she came close to me and rubbed my back for a second to kind of say everything's ok, be happy! That cheered me right up and after that I had a huge, beaming smile on my face. Since there were chairs and tables everywhere, there wasn't much room at all to dance or anything, but I still got really in to the music.
As I looked around at the other people in the audience I saw one guy that was obviously rolling. Once you know the look, it's super easy to tell if someone's rolling. I kind of wanted to go over and talk to him since it looked like he was the only other person there that was under the influence of something besides alcohol. I never ended up talking to him though. It took too much effort for me to really move around much.
The amphetamine nature of DOB was really starting to show after a while. I was biting my lower lip and inside of my mouth a lot without really realizing it, just like with MDMA. My jaw was very tense as well. I couldn't even open my mouth all the way. The nausea never fully went away either, which played a part in my not wanting to move around or talk to people.
After the Sonic Death Rabbit performance I went and sat more towards the back of the bar. I was getting kind of tired of sitting there, plus there were a lot of people going back and forth moving sound equipment around and I didn't want to get in the way. That's when Lisa sat next to me and started talking to me again. I had told her earlier that I had a girlfriend, but I don't think that mattered too much to her. In so many words she basically told me she was "planning on molesting me tonight". I basically just ignored her since I am happy with my girlfriend. That kind of pissed her off, I guess she thought that since I was in such a state of intoxication it would be easy for her to take advantage of me.
It was actually pretty difficult for me during some parts of the night for me not to just say "fuck it" and make out with her or something. Especially when she asked how old I was. When she found out I was only twenty she said something along the lines of "Oh, you're just a baby! It's like I could just hold you in my arms like this" as she pretended to cradle a baby in her arms. I have this thing for older girls, especially ones that want to take advantage of me. After a while she eventually gave up trying to seduce me, and seemed pissed off for the rest of the night.
The final band to play didn't fit in with the other ones at all. They were just a normal "rock" band with about half of the members mysteriously missing. I went outside a little bit after they started to play. I didn't bring a jacket or anything, so it was pretty damn cold for me outside. Ben and a few other people were sitting around right outside the bar just hanging out. Somehow he gave me the cigarette he was smoking and I started to smoke it. I gave it back to him after a minute or so, telling him that "I don't smoke". Usually people think it's funny when I do that, but he just seemed confused.
Everyone I came with was looking like they were ready to leave, but no one was sober enough to drive. Ben told me earlier that he was planning on doing some coke. I'm not sure, but I think both Ben and Cesar did a few bumps of K as well. I was still tripping way too hard at the time to even consider doing a bump of K or something. Everyone had a great time jokingly telling me that I was going to be the one to drive home. Even though I knew they were joking, I'd always respond with my eyes opened really wide and a goofy expression on my face, "No way man, I can't drive right now!" or something along those lines.
Throughout the whole night I felt very strong feelings of empathy and compassion. Not nearly as strong as MDMA, but it was the same type of feeling. It's the feeling that makes one want to help out everyone around you and do nice things. I felt really sorry for a few of the less fortunate people there that night. Luckily I didn't give them any of my money or anything (I've done stuff like that before).
After some interesting conversations with some random locals and staring blankly into oblivion, we decided to leave. It was around 2:00am when we left. The ride home was interesting, but not as exciting and utterly strange as the previous events that night. At one point we stopped at a Denny's to use the restroom. The entire parking lot was full of menacing, gangster looking people. I had to use the restroom, but as soon as I walked inside it seemed like everyone looked right at me. I immediately had the feeling of "I do not belong here" and I got pretty scared. I didn't even think I'd be able to find the bathroom anyways.
When we were about 30 minutes away from Ben's house my phone rang. It was my girlfriend calling. I don't know why I answered my phone, but I did. She was crying and told me she was drunk. It didn't take her long to figure out I wasn't at home where she thought I would be (the non-electronic music playing in the car gave it away, I'm sure of it). I tried to tell her what I did that night, but she was just confused. Everyone else in the car didn't know I was on my phone at first, and couldn't figure out what the fuck I was talking about. After a while of trying to convince my girlfriend that I didn't do anything bad that night, I just hung up on her. I didn't want to deal with all her drunken drama at that specific time.
We arrived at Ben's house around 3:15am. Ben and I said goodbye to Cesar and Lisa, took his computer inside and started watching the rest of the movie Gummo. Now this is probably one of the most fucked up movies to be watching while tripping, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless. It reminded me a lot of the three years I spent living in Arkansas.
After that movie was over we decided to watch another one since neither one of us felt like going to sleep (it would have been absolutely impossible for me to go to sleep at that time). The next movie we watched was Ken Park. This has got to be one of the most unique and entertaining movies I've ever seen. Not to mention it's the most fucked up movie I've ever seen besides Gummo. While watching this movie, I could personally relate to almost every scene in the movie. It was almost frightening. The movie seemed to touch me in a very strange yet personal way. It's hard to describe, but I can just relate to most of the themes of the movie.
When the second movie ended I was still very stimulated, but I wasn't tripping as hard as I was before. I tried to rest, but it was just impossible. I laid around thinking about random thoughts for a while. I didn't leave Ben's house until around 1:00pm Saturday afternoon. I was feeling perfectly fine to drive, but I wasn't completely back to normal. I live only 20 minutes away and I never once felt uncomfortable driving my car.
It felt absolutely wonderful to finally get back to my house. All the familiarity of the things around me made me feel a great sense of relief. It was like I made it through some really difficult ordeal and I was now victorious. I decided to smoke some weed after a few minutes of being home, knowing it would probably make me start tripping again, which it did. I spent the rest of the day just relaxing at my house. My girlfriend came back that night. After I told her everything that happened she wasn't mad or anything, just kind of shocked that I just did what I did.
I felt fully back to baseline around 10:00pm that night. This was one of my most memorable trips, up there with my first roll. Although at times I was almost scared shitless, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world. It was a very unique experience, something that I'll always remember.
I'm really excited about trying DOI now, but I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon. Perhaps I will in a few months? The setting will be different of course, although I haven't decided what it will be yet. Maybe the beach or something...
I didn't want to trip alone, but my girlfriend (and regular tripping partner) was out of town visiting her family and friends. I don't have any friends that live close-by that like to trip, so I signed onto AOL Instant Messenger. I noticed one person was online whom I have spoken to a few times before; we've never met in person, however. We have similar tastes in music and like to party, etc. I asked him if he knew of anything fun going on tonight, and he said he was going to a show in Hollywood. Apparently there was going to be some live performances by electronica influenced bands and artists.
We arranged for me to drive to his house and then get a ride to the venue from one of his friends. I was really glad I wouldn't have to be driving much at all that night. I had to leave my house in somewhat of a rush since our ride was going to be there shortly. Right before I left, I grabbed my one and only dose of DOB (3mg on a piece of blotter paper) and placed it in my wallet.
When I arrived at this mystery internet person's house we introduced ourselves and sat around in his room until our ride arrived. I'll refer to my new acquaintance as Ben. We watched the first thirty minutes or so of the movie Gummo. It was pretty weird and disturbing, but I tend to enjoy movies like that.
Eventually our ride arrived and Ben introduced me to the people in the car - the driver, Cesar, and his companion who I assume is his sister Lisa. I helped Ben put his computer and a few other things in the trunk of the car. My new friends informed me that Ben and Cesar are doing one of the performances tonight, which I thought was really cool. Right before we left I put the blotter paper on my tongue and kept it in my mouth until I could no longer sense the familiar bitter chemical taste. The time was around 8:30pm.
On the ride there I tried to explain to the other people in the car what DOB was, and what it's like. None of them were familiar with any psychedelic drugs besides acid and shrooms so they were pretty interested. I started to feel the onset of the drug around 45 minutes after I took it. The onset is slow and seemed to share the qualities of the first alerts of a 2C-E trip. I started feeling detached from the rest of the world. My surroundings seemed to really interest me. The music we listened to in the car was enjoyable, and I later discovered it was actually Cesar's own music.
When we were about 20 minutes away from our destination we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car to stretch. I was already started to have some visual distortions. Colorful patterns and flowing movement trails graced my visual field. While Ben and Cesar were inside the gas station Lisa came up to me and started talking to me. I had a difficult time expressing my thoughts into words and sentences. She was kind of bummed that I didn't bring any other drugs with me.
When got to the downtown Los Angeles area, I recognized everything around me. I used to go to places in that general area quite often a few years ago. Cesar missed one of the freeways he was supposed to take, but luckily I knew my way around the area, and convinced him to stay on the freeway. When we were about 5 minutes away from our destination I started to feel very nauseous. I was really hoping that the DOB wasn't going to make me sick. I think it was a combination of insane freeway driving and the drug itself, but I ended up puking a little in an empty fast food bag they had in the car.
After what seemed like an eternity of driving in LA traffic we finally made it to where we were going. It was a bar in a not so great part of Hollywood. I immediately started to worry. I'm not 21 years old; I really doubted they'd even let me in. We walked up to the entrance where some girl was taking money and checking ID's. I handed her a $20 bill and my driver license. She had a really hard time figuring out whether or not I was 21. It says "Age 21 in 2005" on my license, but she either couldn't find my birthday or didn't know how to figure out if I was 21 yet. After some confusion between both of us I told her I wasn't 21 yet, but I was there with Cesar - one of the people performing. She decided to let me in, but she said just try to sit down in front because she could get in a lot of trouble for letting me in. I told her I wasn't planning on drinking anyway, so not to worry.
Right on, I got in! That was a huge relief for me. Ben and Cesar were setting up their equipment and I just found a place to sit down at. At this point I was tripping really hard, I couldn't believe what I was doing and how everything worked out. The visuals were getting pretty strong too, lot's of colors, shifting, trails and distortion. I was still feeling pretty sick to my stomach though. I was also having involuntary muscle tremors in my legs, something I also get with 2C-E.
I didn't really move around that much or even talk to anyone. I was just sitting by myself in some bar with a bunch of freaky looking kids just hanging out and stuff. Once the music started, I felt much better. The first performance was by a young looking guy with a lot electronic equipment on a table. He was playing this really awesome ambient/electro music. Not too many people were in to it, but I really liked it.
After his set was over, Ben and Cesar started getting ready for their go at pleasing the strange, yet intriguing people. All Ben really did was hook his computer up to the sound system and queued up songs in WinAmp. Cesar, however, took to the mic and started his hip-hop routine. I really enjoyed his lyrics. They were hilarious with endless references to being a kid in the late '80s and early '90s. I could relate in a very personal way too much of what he was saying. The music was really cool to, it wasn't your normal, everyday hip-hop beats; it was heavily influenced by electronic and video game music. Everyone watching seemed to like his performance.
During this time Lisa sat next to me and asked how I was doing. At this time I was so far gone I had to really concentrate to reply with intelligible responses. I talked to her about how I could relate to a lot of Cesar's lyrics, and it reminded me a lot of my own childhood. She let me know again that she thought I sucked for not bringing more drugs with me. Even if I did have more with me, I don't think I'd ever even consider giving something like DOB to anyone there. It took all the mental power and self-control I had to keep my composure and not flip out there.
The next act was something I was not expecting at all. The headlining group for the night was "Sonic Death Rabbit". How awesome of a name is that. There was two people in the group: some guy wearing a weird ski mask and some other funky stuff and a girl wearing a pink bunny outfit sewn together with bits of fabric. The only way I could describe the music is Happy Hardcore/Gabber music with Death Metal vocals and all kinds of other wildly incorporated musical strangeness.
I honestly couldn't believe what was going on. I didn't know whether to feel terrified, happy, confused or energized. I was sitting in the front, really close to the stage. The girl in the pink bunny suit must have seen my face or something, because she came close to me and rubbed my back for a second to kind of say everything's ok, be happy! That cheered me right up and after that I had a huge, beaming smile on my face. Since there were chairs and tables everywhere, there wasn't much room at all to dance or anything, but I still got really in to the music.
As I looked around at the other people in the audience I saw one guy that was obviously rolling. Once you know the look, it's super easy to tell if someone's rolling. I kind of wanted to go over and talk to him since it looked like he was the only other person there that was under the influence of something besides alcohol. I never ended up talking to him though. It took too much effort for me to really move around much.
The amphetamine nature of DOB was really starting to show after a while. I was biting my lower lip and inside of my mouth a lot without really realizing it, just like with MDMA. My jaw was very tense as well. I couldn't even open my mouth all the way. The nausea never fully went away either, which played a part in my not wanting to move around or talk to people.
After the Sonic Death Rabbit performance I went and sat more towards the back of the bar. I was getting kind of tired of sitting there, plus there were a lot of people going back and forth moving sound equipment around and I didn't want to get in the way. That's when Lisa sat next to me and started talking to me again. I had told her earlier that I had a girlfriend, but I don't think that mattered too much to her. In so many words she basically told me she was "planning on molesting me tonight". I basically just ignored her since I am happy with my girlfriend. That kind of pissed her off, I guess she thought that since I was in such a state of intoxication it would be easy for her to take advantage of me.
It was actually pretty difficult for me during some parts of the night for me not to just say "fuck it" and make out with her or something. Especially when she asked how old I was. When she found out I was only twenty she said something along the lines of "Oh, you're just a baby! It's like I could just hold you in my arms like this" as she pretended to cradle a baby in her arms. I have this thing for older girls, especially ones that want to take advantage of me. After a while she eventually gave up trying to seduce me, and seemed pissed off for the rest of the night.
The final band to play didn't fit in with the other ones at all. They were just a normal "rock" band with about half of the members mysteriously missing. I went outside a little bit after they started to play. I didn't bring a jacket or anything, so it was pretty damn cold for me outside. Ben and a few other people were sitting around right outside the bar just hanging out. Somehow he gave me the cigarette he was smoking and I started to smoke it. I gave it back to him after a minute or so, telling him that "I don't smoke". Usually people think it's funny when I do that, but he just seemed confused.
Everyone I came with was looking like they were ready to leave, but no one was sober enough to drive. Ben told me earlier that he was planning on doing some coke. I'm not sure, but I think both Ben and Cesar did a few bumps of K as well. I was still tripping way too hard at the time to even consider doing a bump of K or something. Everyone had a great time jokingly telling me that I was going to be the one to drive home. Even though I knew they were joking, I'd always respond with my eyes opened really wide and a goofy expression on my face, "No way man, I can't drive right now!" or something along those lines.
Throughout the whole night I felt very strong feelings of empathy and compassion. Not nearly as strong as MDMA, but it was the same type of feeling. It's the feeling that makes one want to help out everyone around you and do nice things. I felt really sorry for a few of the less fortunate people there that night. Luckily I didn't give them any of my money or anything (I've done stuff like that before).
After some interesting conversations with some random locals and staring blankly into oblivion, we decided to leave. It was around 2:00am when we left. The ride home was interesting, but not as exciting and utterly strange as the previous events that night. At one point we stopped at a Denny's to use the restroom. The entire parking lot was full of menacing, gangster looking people. I had to use the restroom, but as soon as I walked inside it seemed like everyone looked right at me. I immediately had the feeling of "I do not belong here" and I got pretty scared. I didn't even think I'd be able to find the bathroom anyways.
When we were about 30 minutes away from Ben's house my phone rang. It was my girlfriend calling. I don't know why I answered my phone, but I did. She was crying and told me she was drunk. It didn't take her long to figure out I wasn't at home where she thought I would be (the non-electronic music playing in the car gave it away, I'm sure of it). I tried to tell her what I did that night, but she was just confused. Everyone else in the car didn't know I was on my phone at first, and couldn't figure out what the fuck I was talking about. After a while of trying to convince my girlfriend that I didn't do anything bad that night, I just hung up on her. I didn't want to deal with all her drunken drama at that specific time.
We arrived at Ben's house around 3:15am. Ben and I said goodbye to Cesar and Lisa, took his computer inside and started watching the rest of the movie Gummo. Now this is probably one of the most fucked up movies to be watching while tripping, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless. It reminded me a lot of the three years I spent living in Arkansas.
After that movie was over we decided to watch another one since neither one of us felt like going to sleep (it would have been absolutely impossible for me to go to sleep at that time). The next movie we watched was Ken Park. This has got to be one of the most unique and entertaining movies I've ever seen. Not to mention it's the most fucked up movie I've ever seen besides Gummo. While watching this movie, I could personally relate to almost every scene in the movie. It was almost frightening. The movie seemed to touch me in a very strange yet personal way. It's hard to describe, but I can just relate to most of the themes of the movie.
When the second movie ended I was still very stimulated, but I wasn't tripping as hard as I was before. I tried to rest, but it was just impossible. I laid around thinking about random thoughts for a while. I didn't leave Ben's house until around 1:00pm Saturday afternoon. I was feeling perfectly fine to drive, but I wasn't completely back to normal. I live only 20 minutes away and I never once felt uncomfortable driving my car.
It felt absolutely wonderful to finally get back to my house. All the familiarity of the things around me made me feel a great sense of relief. It was like I made it through some really difficult ordeal and I was now victorious. I decided to smoke some weed after a few minutes of being home, knowing it would probably make me start tripping again, which it did. I spent the rest of the day just relaxing at my house. My girlfriend came back that night. After I told her everything that happened she wasn't mad or anything, just kind of shocked that I just did what I did.
I felt fully back to baseline around 10:00pm that night. This was one of my most memorable trips, up there with my first roll. Although at times I was almost scared shitless, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world. It was a very unique experience, something that I'll always remember.
I'm really excited about trying DOI now, but I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon. Perhaps I will in a few months? The setting will be different of course, although I haven't decided what it will be yet. Maybe the beach or something...
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