Do you?

[plazma]

I want to love so badly
It's my driving force
Yet
I can't love them all
There are too many for me
I love as many as I can
Yet
I feel inadequate
As if I'm not trying hard enough
Please lift me up above this
I can't survive this
I can't hope for any future
Simply because I know
That I'm not good enough to live
Yet
The future is my only hope of redemption
My cynicism is my blanket
I can hide under it at night
Yet
When I'm cynical I can't believe the past
And the future holds no value
I need to believe
Where is my hope?
Where is my salvation?
Why must I question?
Why must I hate?
I want to reclaim my soul
But I know that it's too far gone
I wish I could change the world
But I know I'm not strong enough
Nothing left for me to hold on to
I dream a million dreams
Awake a traitor
For I do nothing to help
They should scream at me in the streets
I want them to
They should stone me to death
But I'm not good enough to be a martyr
I'm the man who nobody wants to be
I'm too cynical to believe in good
And too naieve to be evil
But even this is false
I'm another coward
I hide behind my beliefs and posture
I conceal the rotting corpse
That is my faith in myself
Another cardboard puppet
Asking the same questions
Nothing to profit from this
Yet I continue in the hope that I'm the one who will succeed
I want to die
But only for a cause I can believe in
Yet the cynical don't live forever
Why?
I cry when I think about how foolish I've been
I've no future in this life
Too late to change
Too early to have knowledge
My love won't make the world go around
I know it's not enough
But I'm haunted by the fact that if I don't try
There's no point left in living
I have no dreams of my own
I adopt the dreams of others
Help them to achieve them
Yet
I can never feel their satisfaction
Simply because I cannot dream for me
I dream for all of mankind
Yet
I'm selfish and greedy and cruel
I am a perfect human being
Except that I think
Please give me absolution
Your love could save me
I wish I could be better
Yet
If I was better I wouldn't be me
Skulk beneath my shell of bitterness
I want you to break through
Yet
If you did I'd shrivel up and die
But that's what I need to be happy
Kill me to stop my dreams and doubt and hate
If you loved me
You would slit my throat
So do you?
-plaz out-

 

[mashead testing]

I still love you x mash ex mc-bob-e :D

 

[Angelight]

please hold your head high. This was beautfully written my dear. Thanks for sharing something so intimate with all of us.
ange

 

[harraser]

plaz this scared me.....

 

[plazma]

Thanks for the concern all, I did write this poem a little while ago, but decided to post it only recently.
i.e I'm better now.
-plaz out-

 

[C Divinity]

plaz great work, love & miss you sweetie

 

[cherub]

sweet darlin,
as always you express all your emotions well, as i know you are better now, you are such a person that has such a wonderful soul and expressive mind, and i love you to pieces, and your work also !

 

[plazma]

^^^^^^^
Thanks both of you. *huggles CDivinity* and *huggles Cherub*

-plaz out-