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Do you feel the need to "poison" your body every day? and why do you do it?

J

johnloperamide

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 18, 2015
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276
I say "poison" because my friend, who has been drinking over 10 beers a day for quite some time now, laughs at the fact that I can't go one day without taking something, altering my mind in some way, the idiot is under the notion that alcohol isn't a real drug.. Be it alcohol, which I'm really trying to stop as I'm tired of hangovers, whatever opiate I can get my hands on, currently drinking poppy seed tea... ambien, valium, xanax, DXM (not weed, since I hate the feeling of smoke in my lungs)... I mean whatever the hell I can get..

I don't always end up taking something but I do TRY to take something, I'm constantly thinking of what I can do next... I don't know people to but hardcore shit so I stick to the one I mentioned above...

I remember the time when I was excited to go for a run at night, that was my drug, such a healthy thing.. I really wish I could go back to that, I'd feel so fucking great after running 8 miles.. about a month ago I forced myself to get back in shape again since I was a lil fatter than normal and got to run 5 miles straight only to stop again and go back to poisoning myself again

I've been feeling like fucking shit for over a year over this girl I can't have whom I met at work and instantly connected with, I had never had this sort of connection in my life.. She totally loved me since the second we met as I loved her but of course she was taken, 5 years with the same asshole.. I made the horrible mistake of becoming very close to her and I feel like this is my reason as to why I need to poison myself all the time
My relationship with this girl is the hardest thing I have to quit, I feel like I could give up all drugs if necessary, I'm positive I could but quitting her I just can't, I feel like shit so I alter my mind with whatever I can
 
Fuck, I can relate on a personal level. Whatever I can get, whenever I actually can is always great for a little while, mostly meth.
It literally is poisening though, like damned if I do & damned if I don't. It's really choosing which version of 'awful' I want each passing day.
 
Somewhat nothing crazy.

Just pot on the daily.

For a long while it was a poly drug habit of benzos opiates and muscle relaxers.
not to mention smoking cigarettes like a fuckin chimney to potentate said habit.

We all gotta unwind some how.
 
I don't feel the need for cigs but I sure as hell enjoy them and top out at a pack a week so fuck it.

I feel the need for gaba suppression (alcohol, benzo script) because I don't work out anymore, exercise makes me hungry and id rather eat 1500 calories a day than 3000, sounds dumb but I never claimed it was a smart choice either.

Eventually I'll get bored of drinking on the daily, and probably meet a reason to stop smoking too. But for now, yeah poison all the way baby.
 
It's probably the opiates getting their hooks in you. They make you want something, anything.

I have to force myself not to drink everyday while I'm chipping.
 
I guess it's a pre-agreed trade: my body will induce changes that I deem pleasurable in exchange for allowing exogenous compounds to elicit toxicity.
 
I poison myself daily with nicotine.

It is fucked, I remember quitting for a few days and using Fluovaxamine + Dexedrine and feeling really good, perfect, actually. I suffer from ADHD/OCD cormorbid, and this really worked, but nicotine fucks with the anti-depressant, and I can't get the amount of Dexedrine I need prescribed, so I'm stick using nicotine, caffeine, and methamphetamine to self-medicate, with a small Dexedrine as a wake-up boost.

I'm pretty much to blame for this... if I didn't abuse meth and stuck to the proper anti-depressants and Dexies, I'd be doing really good, but I abused my scripts too many times and now they will only prescribe me 20mg/Dexedrine a day with a two week hold for refills, so I fucked myself over.

Which sucks, because without the high dose of Dexedrine, the anti-depressants make me unable to cum, so I had to quit those as my sexuality means too much to me... now I'm left with shitty dealers and too low income, so I just have my ups and downs.

Still, better nicotine daily and meth when I can afford/get a reliable hookup, than nothing and be fucked.
 
Yea I smoke and use opiates every day. Why do I do it? I'm an addict and I have enormous trouble quitting my drugs of choice.
 
Cigarettes :\

I only do it when I'm out and about / at work. I only ever smoke weed at home.

I should really look into vaping I guess - the thought of dying prematurely in agony due to some idiotic habit isn't very comforting.
 
Chippendale said:
Cigarettes :\

I only do it when I'm out and about / at work. I only ever smoke weed at home.

I should really look into vaping I guess - the thought of dying prematurely in agony due to some idiotic habit isn't very comforting.
Click to expand...

If it is any consolation, there are plenty of smokers who live long lives, and with medical science rapidly advancing, the risk of death from cigs is decreasing, plus, COPD and the like might be curable in our lifetimes.

But as someone who vapes and smokes cigs; you will have a hard time switch. Why? The experience is vastly different. Vaping is something you get the habit of doing all the time, and it is more of a mellow buzz than a quick smoke, plus it lacks the satisfaction of going outside and the ritual of smoking, not to mention the nicotine content is lower.

You have to vape A LOT more to get a pack-a-day of smoking cigs. Still, vaping is super fun to get into, and great to combine with weed.
 
That's not right PW, vape doesn't have a lower nicotine content, the concentration varies by the type of juice you use. It can be as weak or strong as you want.
 
SirTophamHat said:
That's not right PW, vape doesn't have a lower nicotine content, the concentration varies by the type of juice you use. It can be as weak or strong as you want.
Click to expand...

While this is true, there's an article showing that you absorb less nicotine per mg vapin than smoking, can't find it atm though.

Also, lower nicotine vapes will taste better, but you can still get a nice buzz vaping, but the experience is different.
 
for about a year now, I need dope and cigarettes every day. I think it started sophomore year of high school, I started taking vicodin and tramadol. Didn't really go one or two days without opiates or benzos until I graduated. then in the summer, I tried heroin. As you can guess, that's what I've been "poisoning" myself with everyday since. In my experience, I need something everyday just to cure my boredom. When I'm bored I think too much, get too depressed, and get so much overwhelming anxiety when I'm alone. merp
 
Well when I was a teenager I would literally poison my body everyday by ingesting small amounts of things such as insecticides, aftershave, window cleaner, boric acid, etc. I was one fucked up kid.

But I do not feel any need to poison my body every day, I feel the need to stop using drugs every day after being a fucking addict for too long and I am now down to a low tolerance on both opiates and benzos. I think I may even see if I can get through tomorrow without benzos, just maybe 100mg pregabalin(Lyrica) and 600mg of phenibut half when I wake up and the other half late in the day. Maybe I am ready to quit them now. If not, I know it isn't too far off.

If I can quit the benzos, then I'll start reducing the opiate dose until I can quit without much trouble. I do not plan to not use them any more after that, I just want to not be addicted so I can do benzos and opiates maybe a couple of times per week max. I need to stop the daily use, especially of benzos and other downers. For anyone who doesn't know, benzos can produce brain damage similar to what alcoholics get when used heavily for long periods of time - maybe less severe, but if I haven't been permanently damaged yet I would like to quit before I am. If I have, I want to quit while I am still able to think. I feel like I have a good chance of returning to my previous level of mental clarity as my mind seems to continue improving now that I've stopped abusing the Hell out of high dose benzo+opiate+multi downer combos every day. I've been having trouble with sleep and I think if I could get over that it would further improve my mental functioning. I am always either sleep deprived or sleeping too much..

meowsrl said:
for about a year now, I need dope and cigarettes every day. I think it started sophomore year of high school, I started taking vicodin and tramadol. Didn't really go one or two days without opiates or benzos until I graduated. then in the summer, I tried heroin. As you can guess, that's what I've been "poisoning" myself with everyday since. In my experience, I need something everyday just to cure my boredom. When I'm bored I think too much, get too depressed, and get so much overwhelming anxiety when I'm alone. merp
Click to expand...

I know you've probably been told things like this, but it would help if you tried to find some other things to do. Maybe at first do those things while high and then gradually reduce your dosage. One thing I have been doing more is taking pictures, I like photography. I've also tried to spend some time talking to people online and spending more time on Bluelight but one of my problems is lack of people to talk to offline. If that is a problem for you, then try to be less socially isolated. If you have hobbies you used to like, just try to get back involved. Are there any feelings other than boredom making you feel depressed?

It does sound like loneliness is a problem for you as you say it causes overwhelming anxiety. If you ever want to talk to me/message me, I'm glad to talk. Feeling lonely and like nobody liked me (and even like other people disliked/hated/were disgusted by me) was a problem for me and made me want to use drugs more heavily and not care about my life/death and I also have just felt like a freak and that really bothered me. But I have slowly cut my dose and now I am not bored as much and I am happy part of the time and rarely feel very sad or disgusted with/hateful toward myself. Decreasing my drug use was helpful but I also really needed to feel like other people gave a fuck and I needed to start talking - even if it is still mostly online - before things really got a lot better.

You need to address the drug use but if you have a major problem with loneliness you have to do something to improve that too. If you have any of the other problems I had they need to be dealt with. You can talk to me if you like. Maybe I have it wrong and loneliness is just an occasional problem, if so you can disregard this message. If you have any problems you'd like to talk to someone about I'll listen and try to help/give advice. I've had at the very least my fair share of problems...don't know if I can do/say anything to help.

I see you are new here and I'd like to see you stick around, it could be helpful for you. You might check The Dark Side - they give advice to those who ask and are very nice :)
 
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I poison myself everyday with alcohol. I smoke weed every day too but that doesnt seem like poison. I mean, neither does the alcohol but I know it's probably doing long term damage.
 
Methamphetamines.

At this point, i have to be able to function on a day to day basis. I have NO time to be sleeping for days on end or dealing with any withdrawal symptoms. There is currently no room for breaks in my life, even though one is VERY much needed.
In the long run this will prove to be very counter product as i will become unmotivated. My hope is that i get a chance to take a break before i reach that point.
 
Well, whenever Im seeing my self drinking everyday I take a break. I don't intoxicate my self daily but since I know drugs can make me feel good, I have a hard time dealing with bad feelings and I will use a substance when I don't feel good. I think that I have to put my self back in dealing with bad feelings when I have to but I always say" Ill do it next time"
 
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