Do you feel like a fuck/up loser for using drugs?

[JessFR]

We'll make it out one day.

I hope so. You're totally right, getting clean is a piece of cake compared to staying clean. You just can't forget.

Whether it be trauma or addiction, you just never seem to forget.

 

[Dil4]

you just never seem to forget.

Ain't that the truth. Sending you some love, Jess. I read your other post. Know that you are not a loser.

 

[ladydove]

I haven't ever felt like I was a loser for taking drugs until quite recently. I haven't taken a vast amount and it usually would've been smoking weed which I didn't see as a massive issue.

recently a few situations all rolled into one and I lost someone close to me. One of the things they had said had been about drugs and how that's all they associated with me. This seriously has kicked me in the nads as I had only taken what they had expressed an interest in taking/sharing with me. I came off antidepressants to take some of this stuff, by their advice, so that the two wouldn't react.

Now I feel like somehow I am a bad person because of the drugs and that's why they don't wish to have me about. 3 weeks later and I haven't touched anything. I never needed drugs to begin with, I only took drugs because they appeared to want to with me, and sharing the experience made me feel closer. I don't regret taking them, I regret how they've evolved the situation to what it became.

 

[Listening]

There are times when I have done shit and said to myself, "holy crap this is irresponsible, I'm going to pay the price." Then, somehow, miraculously, I come out on top and it appears as if I was given a free pass. In these moments I have the feeling of getting away with murder; scot-free.

Then I might get cocky and think, if I can get away with it once, I can get away with it again. Then, taken off guard, I get my ass handed to me, and oh boy do I pay. While I pay this pretty price, I repeat sweet nothings to myself, such as, "you're such a fucking idiot," or, "I hate myself," or, "what the fuck is wrong with me?"

In retrospect, I don't feel like a loser, but I do worry about myself, and I do wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. Then again, I've been wondering that since before I started doing drugs. Somehow, even as things are falling apart, I see that things are also clarifying and coming together. I'm a slow learner, but I've got persistence on my side.

 

[dhcdavid]

In retrospect, I don't feel like a loser, but I do worry about myself, and I do wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. Then again, I've been wondering that since before I started doing drugs. Somehow, even as things are falling apart, I see that things are also clarifying and coming together. I'm a slow learner, but I've got persistence on my side.

Qft.

 

[SexyTweakerBitch]

I used to feel this way because my drug of choice is considered very taboo and has a horrible reputation, probably worse than any other drug. I don't feel that way about myself anymore and I no longer feel guilty about it. I learned to just live my life and not give a shit. Of course I still chose to hide my addiction from everyone besides other meth users because I would rather not go through the living hell of being looked down upon and treated like shit. If I told the non meth using people I associate with the truth about how I'm a heavy meth user and have been for the past 7 years they would probably think I'm joking lol.

 

[LifeIsStrange]

To the question:
Absolutely not, drugs in little amounts in a right situation - good.
If you lost control and take it more than adviced, you ran into a habit. Then you beginning to lose your life.
That can make you think you are a looser - you lost control.

I was often addicted to different substances:
alcohol, thc, mdma, amphetamines, opiates, noids and benzos.

But every time a learned more - and I think now I know engough. I can make me a picture.
I am through with it. Chasing the kick - boring in the end and because addicted.

If you are addicted - IMHO - drugs makes no fun any more. It's code red to stop. But as you may know:
The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

And highness is a trickster. Let you think everything is okay - but in real - it is not. But sometimes the mind must escape. Complicated...

... I think our society let you think you are a looser. The system is wrong and the failure - not the drug user.

 

[Stringer_Bell]

It's been a while since I made this thread. I saw that it had popped back up to the first page so I read through it again, as well as reading the new posts.

I was pretty high when I made that thread - my posts seem pretty manic to me now!

Just as an update, shortly after making this thread I left the country for a few months on a work assignment. Over there I had zero access to drugs. I got quite serious cravings for coke but, obviously, didn't act on them for fear of going to jail. As soon as I returned I started a bender (which I'm still on). So I'm pretty much back where I was when I made the thread. I have thoroughly enjoyed the bender but will stop tonight and am sure I'll have to deal with the post binge depression/guilt/worry afterwards. l enjoy drugs so much that I would love to be able to use them recreationally but that doesn't seem particularly possible for me so I should really abstain. I know that if I don't, I could be going further down a dark path.

I'm very grateful for all of your replies. The guilt/shame/low self-esteem I would feel using drugs was doing a lot of psychological harm in itself. Even now, I would love to be able to talk to a close friend about all this stuff but I won't, just because I know any respect they have for me will plummet. So it's great to be able to come on BL and talk to all of you good people!

 

[SmokingAces]

To the question:
Absolutely not, drugs in little amounts in a right situation - good.
If you lost control and take it more than adviced, you ran into a habit. Then you beginning to lose your life.
That can make you think you are a looser - you lost control.

I was often addicted to different substances:
alcohol, thc, mdma, amphetamines, opiates, noids and benzos.

But every time a learned more - and I think now I know engough. I can make me a picture.
I am through with it. Chasing the kick - boring in the end and because addicted.

If you are addicted - IMHO - drugs makes no fun any more. It's code red to stop. But as you may know:
The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

And highness is a trickster. Let you think everything is okay - but in real - it is not. But sometimes the mind must escape. Complicated...

... I think our society let you think you are a looser. The system is wrong and the failure - not the drug user.

Good post. Your on the right lines.

I feel like completely quitting all drugs and going t total only makes any future potential slip ups into a massive issue.

It is part of being a well rounded adult to use drugs, caffeine, cannabis, alcohol, MDMA or whatever else, but there must be a balance, as with everything else in life.

A couple of coffees a day - not 10. A few drinks once or twice week - not every night. The odd MDMA experience, when something big is happening - not every weekend. You get where I'm going with this?

There are some drugs I just feel like I personally am no good with. Cocaine is one, I can't use it just occasionally for a social evening after dinner with friends. Or with a couple of drinks in the bar with friends, the way it should be used, responsibly IMO. And I would feel like a looser if I continued to use it, to the point I've been on it for days and I'm snorting lines watching TV this kind of behaviour is weak and embarrassing for sure.

I think once you are aware of the uses some drugs can have, be it spiritual, motivational, to kill pain, or to reset the mind - then it is naive and closed minded to think that just because you have problems with one drug or another, that all of them are bad. Any educated drug user knows this is not the case with all of them.

So pick which drugs you use wisely, and think carefully about the impact they will have on your life. Which is what is most important. To live a well balanced and fulfilling life. Pick your moments carefully, so it's you who chooses to use the drugs and not them choosing to use (and abuse) you. Remember it's not just drugs that make you feel good. People you meet, places you see, achievements, and your own progression as a human should also make you happy. Drugs should only be a supplement to all of that.

It is a shame it took me 10 years to fully understand this.