I can't recall a time I didn't feel like a fuck up loser, it's likely a part of why I started using drugs, I felt my life, my body, 'me', had no value or was worth saving or protecting, I felt i deserved the pain, and yes, later on I felt like a fuck up loser junkie, a disgusting intravenous drug user, the worst kind of low. I didn't think this of any other addicts I knew, my mind made excuses for them and anyone except me. I never thought of my body as a temple, and I still don't.
But I have gotten a lot better in the last couple years, I still use drugs constantly, and I still frequently feel like a junkie loser. But over time I realized that the normality I had chased for so long was not worth having. It may not be good to be a habitual drug user, but what I see in so called normal people, or rather people trying to look normal, disgusts me. I see greed, materialism, selfishness, entitlement, apathy, lacking in compassion or empathy. In a weird way I'm not sure I can respect someone who doesn't dislike themselves at least a little, at least they less frequently try to convince people how superior they are. And now that I stopped chasing normality I am much happier. And I feel like even if I'm far from perfect, I at least try. I give money to charity and people in need even when I have so little myself, I try to show compassion even to people who hate me, I try to be help people. So even if I'm a loser, a fuckup, even a bad person, at least I can feel I cared enough to try. Far more than the 'normal' people I once so wanted to be.