Do you feel like a fuck/up loser for using drugs?

[Stringer_Bell]

Camjua, I know right? It's ridiculous. And the stupid thing is up until recently I probably would have been one of those people your'e talking about. Because I'd been so brainwashed by the stigma attached to meth and seen all those 'faces of meth' pictures as well as the reports saying meth is the lowest of the low, etc and only the most depraved people do it. I don't feel that way now. Hell they hand out Adderall to millions in the US. It's not meth but it's damn close.

Still, I'm glad for you that you are recovering. Unfortunately these drugs really place too much of a toll on us. Can you imagine if we could get the benefits without all the adverse effects or tolerance? I'd be high all the time!

I can feel like my own addiction is beginning. This is my sixth day in a row of using cocaine (only had used it before a couple of times and then very little), although I've been sleeping fine and feeling fine. I'm laughing now at my plan which was to get an eight ball of very good product (because i know it's hard to get) and save it for months and months. What a stupid plan, I really had no idea. So I'm going to finish what I have (I'm not strong enough to flush it) and then not buy anymore. I hope that the fact that I've used for a week and not for months or years will make it a bit easier but who knows.

The difficult thing is I'm getting zero adverse effects at the moment. No comedown depression (why? maybe because I'm doing tiny lines and not really getting that high) and no other problems. Unlike with my prescription dexamfetamine which would lift me up then send me crashing into the most unpleasant comedown and days of depression afterwards. It made it quite easy to quit. I have loads of it in my cupboard but absolutely zero temptation. I have opiates (prescription) and have no intention to take those either.

I'm amazed by how addictive coke is, but I maintain that the addiction is beyond the high. The high is so, so. There's obviously something else going on. I'm definitely addicted to the ritual. My favourite part of it is when i feel the drug going up my nose, before it has any effect even. I guess there's also some dopamine pathway in my brain which I've activated and is responsible for the addiction. I sort of hope I start getting negative effects so it doesn't feel like I'm giving up something which brings only pleasure. I'm sure I will soon.

my lines are literall razor thing and <----> this long.

 

[camjua]

The thing is I think that these drugs do have a stigma for a reason... I mean.. I used to think at one point I was addicted to coke.. but once I tried meth I realized I needed to "redefine" addicted. Suddenly I was questioning how addictive cigarettes were because craving a cigarette sucks... but craving meth for me was like pure desperation... bringing out the animal in me to do anything I could no matter who it would hurt to get more. Its fucking scary shit.

 

[Stringer_Bell]

Oh, no doubt. At the moment I'm very scared that I have developed this coke addiction so quickly.

Is meth really more addictive than coke?

 

[camjua]

In my experience, meth is leaps and bounds more addictive than cocaine. Meth is 4 times stronger, increasing dopamine levels by 1,200 units more than normal... compared to cocaine's 300 units.. and meth is also a reuptake inhibitor which is why the high lasts from anywhere from 8-24 hours...When I did coke all the time, I'd go a few hours without it and just feel like shit...I never stayed up more than a few days on coke... Meth i stayed up for 8 days... it for me was like being high on coke... but even more like rolling (MDMA).. I loved meth but meth didn't love me.. developed gnarly psychosis from it and wrecked my life pretty bad. Meth is like a super drug. I can't really think of a drug that is more fiendy and all consuming than meth. I craved coke... but with meth I "fiend" for it.. which I find to be a big difference..

I should add that ROA is very important. Like IV cocaine and smoking crack are both fiendy too for me... and feel fucking awesome.. but maybe it was just the coke I always got or what.. but IV meth was farrrrrr more euphoric for me overall. And smoking meth vs smoking crack was incomparable.. crack I felt really awesome for like 7-8 mins then I felt like shit and just wanted more... with Meth I will smoke non stop... every time I hand the pipe over for someone else to hit I just stare at the pipe... counting down the seconds till they will pass the pipe back to me... and because meth is so powerful and long lasting.. I really pushed my body to the limits many many times. Meth I couldn't do enough. With coke, I'd hit a point and sometimes get kinda anxious/scared because my heart would be pounding, i'd be sweating etc. With meth I'd literally be so lit I'd get in a hot shower because I'd be freezing (because I was so lit my temp was probably 102+F) and yet I had no idea I was overheating... even though I'm sweating buckets and freezing... Its a whole new level of "fucking lit"..


For me Meth was like if Cocaine, MDMA and adderall had a kid... and that kid was also amplified in strength by a few times.

 

[Stringer_Bell]

That was one of the best and most interesting posts I've ever read. Thank you. I almost tried meth. I wasn't scared of it because I was fine with dextroamfetamine and assumed meth would be the same, just a bit stronger. but it sounds like a different beast entirely. your post has probably saved me from every trying it, seriously. you've done so well to get clean.

i won't IV or smoke (I hope!). i think part of my addiction to coke is the ROA. i just love snorting. I would enjoy snorting vitamin B12 I think. when i got this batch i did decent size lines and they immediately threw me into SEVERE anxiety. my heart felt like it would explode. i thought that meant i could never do coke and was kind of relieved. but now i've discovered that if i do these tiny lines i don't get the anxiety. i hardly get any high or comedown either, i think it's the cutting up with a razor and snorting i enjoy, more than the high (i'm not even really getting high). what a weird drug this is for me.

opiates are so much more euphoric for me but despite having potential unlimited access to prescription Oxy, i just don't feel any craving for it at all. the high is amazing, i feel great but i've realised that i'm not addicted to a feeling but a process. how strange.

just fascinated about what you wrote about meth. has made me really re-consider it. it sounds like an entirely different drug from normal dexamfetamine which for me was always much more of a super productive, getting things done drug than recreational. and it would exhaust me so much that it would take a week just to recover from one day's use.

 

[camjua]

I started out on adderall IR and XR.... I became very dependent on it and was taking anywhere between 80-140mg of adderall a day... mainly because of the mild euphoria, talkativeness, self esteem boost and to help me not eat. After I ran out, I numbed out for a while on oxycodone, heroin, benzos etc.. and eventually decided to try meth. It was almost like a different drug for me (since a week before trying meth I had taken adderall again).. Meth was far more fiendy, far more sexual, much more impulsive, and because it's so potent dosing would go out the window, which nearly killed me a few times.

I truly deeply hope you won't try meth. Because it really, for me, was that drug that brought me to my knees and now that I'm scared shitless I'm struggling every day to barely get by.. When meth got me I barely limped away. I tried Meth on a whim because I wanted more adderall and all my friend had was meth. I decided to try it because, "Why not? It's essentially stronger adderall and I've IVed heroin before.. didn't get addicted.. so obviously I can try meth and be fine. I snorted a line... and the rest is history. After a week of promiscuous sex, sharing needles, stealing and borrowing lots of money, getting kicked out and being homeless.. fired.. ... I was absolutely shocked when I sobered up... I will admit, xanax had a lot to do with that week being so extra crazy..., but meth was the main driver. In one week I managed to fuck up my life worse than all the other drugs in a year. When I sobered up after that week long binge, I was covered in bruises from poor IV technique (since meth gave me ungodly amounts of confidence.. I shot myself up an hour after my friend shot me up for the first time.. because that's rational right?).. I had lost 16 lbs, I hadn't slept but a few hours throughout that 8 days and I had no where to go.. and all I could think about is how in "awe" i was over that whole week.. How could I have behaved like that? What was I thinking? I wasn't.. I was high as fuck on meth on a rampage being a flaming ball of sexual impulse and fiending.. all I wanted was more meth, sex, and a place to do more meth. I even introduced it to a friend on that first week (He had to move out of state now because his meth addiction spiraled out of control)...

The first few days I called friends frantically, crying, apologizing, promising change, etc. But honestly deep down I purposefully made sure not to fix things too much.. and within a few days I relapsed on meth again. Ever since I've battled it and all other drugs I've consumed have been an attempt to alleviate the symptoms manifested from the meth (the extreme paranoia, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, weight gain) etc... and all I really want deep down is meth. It's no fucking joke. I know some will say I'm exaggerating but hey, I do believe there are people out there that can try it and not be hooked.. but as for me .. nope. I was hooked from the first line.. and from the first time I smoked it and further when I injected it. I don't know anyone in person that has tried meth intentionally and didn't end up addicted but I'm sure they exist~ Just none of my friends or me could resist the slide.

 

[realtalkloc]

i think it's the cutting up with a razor and snorting i enjoy, more than the high (i'm not even really getting high). what a weird drug this is for me.

No you are not getting high off the ritual you are getting high off the gentle releases of dopamine, you're not even consciously realizing these releases anymore. Try snorting anything else and you will see the difference in result and how fast you stop.

and it would exhaust me so much that it would take a week just to recover from one day's use.

It can even take an entire lifetime to recover from it.

 

[Stringer_Bell]

Wow. What a read. It's funny how the most 'messed up' stuff is the most compelling isn't it? That was just fascinating. And I live in a 'boring' world. I'm a lawyer and my peers/friends are just so stable and settled, focused only on work and family. I know that's good but it's soooo boring. Nobody has crazy stories anymore. I know it's better to be boring than addicted to drugs or having random, unsafe sex, etc but part of me rebels against theh world I'm in and wants some craziness in it. I know it won't be worth the cost but I can't help it, it's part of me. And I was so good for so long. I didn't touch any illegal drugs for 20 years. I barely drank. The last few days on coke have been so amazing. I'll pay for it badly, I know that. But I fell in love. There are times in my life when i was so clinically depressed (no drugs involved at all) that I genuinely wanted to die. At least I know now if things get that bad, instead of just jumping off a tall building I can score some coke and other stuff and at least feel a bit good before I go.

I'm so blown away by how different meth is to adderall. Like you I thought they would be incredibly similar, that meth would just be a bit stronger. But it sounds like they are two completely different drugs. For one thing I lost all interest in sex on dexamfetamine but I know meth is a drug very strongly associated with wild sex. Also I don't understand how people do meth continuously. With my dex i would use it for 1-2 days max then would be completely and utterly exhausted and would need a week to recover.

I can relate to xanax being crazy. I've been using it over the last few days and had some total blackouts (although I've just been in my house so nothing bad happened).

Well done for staying away from meth. I know the cravings must be intense at times. I've only been through it with dex (a bit) and cigarettes (intense cravings). I know now it's going to be bad with coke when I stop and I'll have to learn to deal with that. I hope I can cut off all supply. The first time I tried coke about a year ago, I was so grateful i didn't have a hook-up because I knew it would lead to bad places. Now I do have a hook-up. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Still, it's only been 6 days and I'm hoping that a week of use won't be as hard to put behind me as months or years.

 

[realtalkloc]

but part of me rebels against the world I'm in and wants some craziness in it. I know it won't be worth the cost but I can't help it, it's part of me.

Do you know what the root cause of this is? I know a few successful and stable people who also feel it's a part of their personality to engage in self destructive behavior, but I always wondered what is the cause or reason for this?

Also I don't understand how people do meth continuously. With my dex i would use it for 1-2 days max then would be completely and utterly exhausted and would need a week to recover.

Meth is a very strong drug, People can go 4-5 days without even yawning on it. On coke you will yawn and get tired when the night is over, on meth you will not feel any of these feelings for days. It's the ultimate stimulant.

 

[Foreigner]

I don't regret my drug use I just wish I had better guidance at certain points. I followed some people and stuck with some groups who weren't good for me and gave me some wrong ideas about drug use. I thank myself every day for somehow preserving my critical thinking brain throughout all that, and getting out when the going got tough. Still don't know quite how that happened.

Drugs on the whole have been a wonderful consciousness-expanding tool and I wouldn't have arrived at many realizations or where I am today without that. And you know, I was just too damn curious and eager for it to ever go any other way. I was never *not* going to do drugs. As soon as I found out about them I wanted to try them.

The one thing I *do* regret is that I ignorantly thought some were harmless by comparing them to others that were definitely harmful, when really they *all* have harmful potential. As a result, my frequency of using what I thought were "safer' drugs has lead to some neurological changes that aren't too good, and I probably have to live with the rest of my life. My dopamine system, for example, is pretty much fried. It's functioning but can't handle much stimulation at all. If I smoke even the smallest bit of weed it exhausts my mind. So, there have been consequences. But was it worth it? Yes. I find people who have never gotten usefully high to be incredibly square.

 

[camjua]

Do you know what the root cause of this is? I know a few successful and stable people who also feel it's a part of their personality to engage in self destructive behavior, but I always wondered what is the cause or reason for this?



Meth is a very strong drug, People can go 4-5 days without even yawning on it. On coke you will yawn and get tired when the night is over, on meth you will not feel any of these feelings for days. It's the ultimate stimulant.

Absolutely agree!!

I have a theory on the subject when it comes to myself. I think deep down I am self destructive because I have control issues. If the world destroys me, that's unpredictable and scary. If it's me, I know somewhat what to expect.

 

[Stringer_Bell]

Do you know what the root cause of this is? I know a few successful and stable people who also feel it's a part of their personality to engage in self destructive behavior, but I always wondered what is the cause or reason for this?

I think deep down I feel like I'm one of those people that just isn't built very well for life, or at least for the world we live in. I've just done very well at achieving superficial 'success' but the things everybody aspires to don't interest me much any longer. Don't get me wrong, there are things which I love and am incredibly passionate about but I'm more likely to find them in art than in real life. I suffer from severe depression as well and have been about as low as one can get. I know that's never going to go away so, being realistic, I'm going to have a hard time in the future. Most of all I think I crave intensity, I'm not happy with the mediocre. Again, I think that's probably a neurochemical thing. When I'm completely sober I get bored and uncomfortable with 'normal' conversations. But if my mood is elevated I'm happy to talk about the most mundane things with anybody. I genuinely believe there are many people who naturally feel so good that they get a lot of pleasure in just talking about boring things.

Still, I'm not making any excuses. I made a choice to score coke and already it has a grip on me. I should have known it but I thought because I could handle amphetamines and managed to quit smoking that I'd be ok. I still think I'll be able to quit coke but I have to be perfectly honest and say that right at the moment I don't really want to because it's not having any negative impact on me. I almost threw away my bag on the first day because it was giving me severe anxiety attacks but now I've dramatically reduced the size of the lines, I don't have that problem. I will do some research into how bad cocaine is for the body and the brain and hopefully that will be enough to dissuade me from further use, even though I'm not suffering from these effects (or rather not aware of suffering from these effects) right at the moment.



Meth is a very strong drug, People can go 4-5 days without even yawning on it. On coke you will yawn and get tired when the night is over, on meth you will not feel any of these feelings for days. It's the ultimate stimulant.

Even dexamfetamine was so much 'stronger' than coke. It would have me so incredibly wired and energetic for 12 hours. I literally couldn't sit still and do nothing. I had to be working intensively, talking to people, moving around, whatever. I absolutely hated the tweaky stage of it though. On coke I'm just mellow and no tweaking which is great. I can't even imagine how powerful meth is. After reading the posts above I'm way too scared to ever try it whereas before I probably would have, assuming it was just like strong adderall.

I'm definitely an idiot but am just going to enjoy the rest of what I have (so much for my plans to store it), not buy any more and then deal with the fallout.

 

[realtalkloc]

Absolutely agree!!

I have a theory on the subject when it comes to myself. I think deep down I am self destructive because I have control issues. If the world destroys me, that's unpredictable and scary. If it's me, I know somewhat what to expect.

Interesting perspective. I understand what you mean.

 

[-=SS=-]

Sorry, for this very long, probably very boring post. It's cathartic for me. At an age when everybody seems to have their life worked out, I'm still searching for answers, still trying to fit in and be happy with what everybody else is.

What makes you assume everyone else has their shit together? A lot of your post goes on talking about the state of society and how it repulses you, how attention to material appearances is just fucking bullshit, and yet you trust your own perception of other peoples lives based on their exterior? I think if you could delve into their minds and what's really going on you'd see most people do not have their shit together at all! If they appear outwardly happy they may have just lied to themselves enough to actually end up believing they've got this all figured out. That they are really Mr Richard Bellworth, with their grand house, luxury car, wife and kids, retirement plan..

Substances aren't going to give you the satisfaction you want and you should know this already. You're playing with fire. You have great security.. why gamble with that? Why not use it as a launching pad for the next stage of your life? I'm 28, spent several years smoking cannabis and could have made a lot more of myself (privately educated etc), and I do regret not having done so.. because I could have ended up in a situation like you have where I have the security and then I could go exploring. Instead I now have to work for the security whilst simultaneously juggling the drive to get real answers. Having said that I may not have cracked the egg enough if I was more square and ended up either not investigating this stuff until later in life or even not at all.. so who knows.

If you're looking for an escape from dissatisfaction with our world then I highly advise against substance use.. it will feed your mind with even more crap you do not need. The only real solution is facing this directly. Yes, this human created world is hell whilst simultaneously being embedded in something quite magical. That won't change any time soon. But facing this truth directly can lead to the answer and satisfaction you're really looking for. You're been traveling and done this other stuff.. you've looked everywhere except inwardly. You're only going to find real peace of mind and answers if you look inwardly.

There's no rule that says you can't be what other people assume and want you to be outwardly whilst living a completely different inner life. This makes the human drama more tolerable to me because I am then both doing what I want to do whilst keeping everyone else off my back. You only have one life.. sounds like you need to redefine what 'success' means to you.

 

[Stringer_Bell]

SS, very good post. Just a couple of points.

1. I'm massively introspective so have given countles hours thought to the 'big questions'. My attitude to the answers to those questions vary massively according to my mood at ant particular time. But believe me I've done as much soul searching as anybody.

2. My definition of success, for me, is quite specific. It's to create art. Either books or film. I know that's exactly what I wanted to do but I wasted so many years not doing it.

What you said about me assuming people have their shit together is very true. Often when you are allowed to see beneth the surfae, things are very much not alright.

I'm finishing what I have left and then never buying more. I absolutely LOVE this drug and therefore it's not for me. I can handle other drugs but not this one. At first it gave me awful anxiety and comedown depression but I seem to have adjusted the dose (and balanced with benzos) to the point where I'm only getting good effects. But I know where this will lead.

I f**ked up bit time, there is no doubt about it. I'm furious with myself but I know I can fix this. It's hard to say goodbye to something you love. Some people say you have to hit rock bottom before you can finally let go. But I don't want to hit rock bottom. It's only been 6 days. I didn't think you could get this addicted in 6 days. Well maybe 'addiction' is the wrong word. But I'm compulsively taking this drug. What people say is true about coke, that it's very hard not to do it all in one day. I learned that lesson now.

Hopefully this will turn out well. If not then I'm obviously headed down a dark road. The thing is, in spite of my superficial 'success, I feel like my life is quite dark anyway and I deal with dreadful depression. So, even without coke things aren't going to be rosy. Some people just aren't cut out well for this life I think. But the things I love, I truly love and I don't want to give those up for mindlessly taking a substance all the time.

Thank you everybody for the input. I do feel like a loser at the moment and, yes, I do assume that everybody replying is more together than me. But I kind of always feel like that.

 

[herbavore]

2. My definition of success, for me, is quite specific. It's to create art. Either books or film. I know that's exactly what I wanted to do but I wasted so many years not doing it.


.....

Hopefully this will turn out well. If not then I'm obviously headed down a dark road. The thing is, in spite of my superficial 'success, I feel like my life is quite dark anyway and I deal with dreadful depression. So, even without coke things aren't going to be rosy. Some people just aren't cut out well for this life I think. But the things I love, I truly love and I don't want to give those up for mindlessly taking a substance all the time.

Thank you everybody for the input. I do feel like a loser at the moment and, yes, I do assume that everybody replying is more together than me. But I kind of always feel like that.

OP, I think your insight into compulsion is a good one. I quoted the parts above though to address what may be the most useful thing for you to think about. (I don't mean to imply that you haven't already, but that you may want to sit with it and explore it further.) You are in a profession that is always adversarial unless you are just writing wills. My sister was a lawyer--a good one-- but by 28 she had horrible depression, insomnia and her already dim view of our species had plummeted to 'intolerable'. She ended up throwing it all over and becoming a veterinarian. I notice that what you would like to be doing is a creative pursuit. It's hard to have a very time consuming and stressful job like law and have any energy left over for creative writing or film-making. So I am just wondering if that darkness comes from not enough time for doing what you really want to do? I'm an artist and I know that crazy line of trying to do what you want, and still be a responsible self-supporting adult--I've slipped around on that line my whole life. Looking back, I feel a certain amount of satisfaction in seeing that my creative work was always the compass point no matter how out of balance my life got. I hope that you can use writing or film to keep shaping and reshaping your thoughts to create the life you want.

P.S. No years are really wasted if you see them as experience and learning. Some of us are slower learners but last time I checked there was only the one final exam on your deathbed and it has only one question: "what did you learn?"

 

[Stringer_Bell]

Another great, and very on point, post.

Being a lawyer does suck. Only the money is good. Most of the people I know hate it and develop all kinds of depression and addiction problems. Good for your sister for changing course, very impressive.

I had a gap between jobs and used it to write a novel. I loved it, writing it I mean and I'm more proud of it than all the stupid contracts I have got signed. But, recently, i HAVE had time to work on creative projects. I have just frittered away the time though, which is inexcusable. I wholly agree about deriving satisfaction from creative work, no matter how badly the rest of life is going. You're creating something permanent. I need to get back into it, then I think things will come back into focus again.

There is so much more depth, subtlety and beauty to art than there is to railing lines of cocaine. I hope that in a few months I will look back at this week as me going temporarily off the rails. I think I'll be ok. It was so naive of me to think that I could store an 8-ball of coke in my house and just keep it there for parties every few months. I thought because I could do the same thing with dexamfetamine (I've had boxes of the stuff that I haven't touched in about two years) I would be able to with coke as well. But I was very wrong. I had read so many posts on here where people say they find it impossible to leave any coke behind at the end of the night, that's just the nature of the drug. Well I can't use all the coke in one session because it's too much but as soon as I wake up, I start doing it again. I'm not going to buy any more. Clearly this isn't a drug I can handle at all, unlike, say, alcohol which I can absolutely take or leave and save for parties or nice dinners or whatever.

Again, the fact that the high is so subtle is what really puzzled me. The addictiveness is out of proportion to the drug's effects. I know coke can produce great euphoria but that's normally around the time of the first line. When you've been doing it for a few hours it's not really packing much of a punch. I think the short duration and requirement to redose frequently is the biggest factor.

I wonder if there are any 'happy' addicts? Using a gram a day but living normal lives (provided they can afford it). I do enjoy it so much and rarely find things I enjoy so I'm kind of gutted that I have to give it up for good, but it's the only sensible decision. Fortunately I'm not around anyone, ever, who does it, so as long as I don't buy it myself, I won't be offered it. It's so funny to me now how superior I felt at parties to the silly people using coke. I really looked down on drugs. While that might have been close minded and naive, maybe it was a better way to feel. Even now, I would be horrified by IV use but who knows, maybe that's the next stage in addiction?

Aside from society, materialism, etc, etc, I think life by it's nature can be very difficult to deal with as a concept. Existential angst or whatever you want to call it. The human condition. Sometimes we take extreme measures to cope.

I thought the opiates would have been more problematic than the coke but I was wrong. Really underestimated this white powder. I'm just glad this experience means I'll never try crack or meth.

 

[realtalkloc]

stringer_bell, let us know how you're doing bro?

 

[Foreigner]

What makes you assume everyone else has their shit together? A lot of your post goes on talking about the state of society and how it repulses you, how attention to material appearances is just fucking bullshit, and yet you trust your own perception of other peoples lives based on their exterior? I think if you could delve into their minds and what's really going on you'd see most people do not have their shit together at all! If they appear outwardly happy they may have just lied to themselves enough to actually end up believing they've got this all figured out. That they are really Mr Richard Bellworth, with their grand house, luxury car, wife and kids, retirement plan..

Substances aren't going to give you the satisfaction you want and you should know this already. You're playing with fire. You have great security.. why gamble with that? Why not use it as a launching pad for the next stage of your life? I'm 28, spent several years smoking cannabis and could have made a lot more of myself (privately educated etc), and I do regret not having done so.. because I could have ended up in a situation like you have where I have the security and then I could go exploring. Instead I now have to work for the security whilst simultaneously juggling the drive to get real answers. Having said that I may not have cracked the egg enough if I was more square and ended up either not investigating this stuff until later in life or even not at all.. so who knows.

If you're looking for an escape from dissatisfaction with our world then I highly advise against substance use.. it will feed your mind with even more crap you do not need. The only real solution is facing this directly. Yes, this human created world is hell whilst simultaneously being embedded in something quite magical. That won't change any time soon. But facing this truth directly can lead to the answer and satisfaction you're really looking for. You're been traveling and done this other stuff.. you've looked everywhere except inwardly. You're only going to find real peace of mind and answers if you look inwardly.

There's no rule that says you can't be what other people assume and want you to be outwardly whilst living a completely different inner life. This makes the human drama more tolerable to me because I am then both doing what I want to do whilst keeping everyone else off my back. You only have one life.. sounds like you need to redefine what 'success' means to you.

Are you talking security in terms of money, or something else?

There is no security in this life, none at all. I'm sure you know that on the abstract level.

If we're talking material security - i.e. roof over your head, providing for yourself, etc. - that takes time. I'm 30 and I don't even have that yet. It's probably going to take some years to build it. We also live in very uncertain times economically. Seems like the people who have that security now are either from the previous generation when the old methods still worked, or they're privileged millennials. I know quite a few people with degrees and qualifications who can't build the security their parents had or even their older siblings.

I dunno... security is a challenging concept.

 

[PerkMeUp38]

I always feel guilty when I overdo it but I have to have my meds to live a halfway normal life. I've had a ton of surgery, the last one on my neck