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Do you ever reach the point of happiness?

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FlyLila

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 17, 2014
Messages
26
I'm fresh off of Day 6 and starting Day 7. At first I didn't care what day it was but now I find myself looking forward to the evening knowing that I'm hitting another 24 hour mark of being clean! I spend my time watching "28 Days" or reading the forum.

Withdrawals have pretty much subsided other than low energy, depression and slight anxiety. Currently I am on Clomipramine and a benzo for severe anxiety which I have had way before the whole pain pill debalucle. Funny thing is that I am not addicted to the benzo. Never use over the amount and generally I'm overdue on refills meaning I pick it up one to two weeks after my refill is due. I pray for the day when the antidepressant and therapy work enough for me to quit benzo. Cannot wait. I feel that will be more physical than psychological. I begrudgingly gave up the pain pills.

I'm wondering how long does it take before you really stop thinking about pills, pills, pills. I'm sick of thinking about it and sick of craving one. The days are so long too. I've always wondered about this with smoking. Do former smokers ever get to the day when they don't think about a cigarette?
 
Everyone is different! For the vast majority of people things die down a massive amount from what they are like a week though.

Good choice of film btw.%)
 
The thing is life is not about being happy. Trying to only be happy is a great disappointment because happiness cannot exist without being sad. The duality of emotions is what throws myself into addictive thinking, thinking that tells me I should always be happy and never have to feel like shit. I always want to control my emotions like being able to pick out all the green m&m's and only eat them .

I have figured that sobriety and life is about more about finding a middle ground where I can be peaceful and content. There are going to be shitty days and expectations that are never met, but it is how I deal with them which determines my self esteem and how i feel inside
 
I was 9 months clean and still never reached the point of happiness. Matter of fact I became more and more depressed as the months went by and ultimately that's what led to my relapse. Everyone is different though...
 
Happiness is something we will always be in search of. As I IaCster pointed out happiness cannot exist without sadness. Thomas Jefferson mentions this in the declaration of independence or implies it at least by mentioning the pursuit of happiness. It can be found but comes and goes as does everything. I can't stay sober just because of the boredom that first comes with it. Anytime I could make it a few months remaining clean my emotions will always get me in the end. At least for now. The obsessive thoughts. Never ending thought patterns emotionally driven that always lead me to self loathe and destruct. Maybe one day things will be different. Until then I am just trying to make through the days.
 
I know what I said earlier might be depressing, but if you change your perception it is really really comforting to know that I don't always have to be on top of the world . It is OKAY to have anxiety and depression, it is a part of life. The same energy that creates negative feelings also creates a sense of awe, tranquility and happiness aswell. Trust me you will start to feel better.

As much as i would like to describe to you how sobriety feels, words do no justice to the amazingness and creativity life beholds. It is something that you have to experience for yourself.

I can say there is a reason people favor sobriety and why most of the world does not inject drugs. It is just not the way life is.

My advice is to just let go, stop trying to play puppet master and just live your life. To me it is comforting to know I can only control so much. I relate it to trying to turn my head around 180 degrees. I can control looking left and right, but I can't make my head turn around completely. Once you accept that, you can go on live your life to the fullest
 
I realized I need to feel my feelings. Its the only way I can work through the crap that has happened in my life. I have extreme anxiety which stemmed from taking Oxy and Vicodin. Anytime I had a bad episode, it was because I had taken a dumb pill.
 
I was off dope for 2 years and off subs for 1 year. Because the only thing that changed in my life was no longer doing heroin nothing changed. After 2 years i relapsed and am now on methadone. I already changed one thing, it has been 4 months since i smoked crack and I am not going back to that. Once I got on subs I started smoking crack and really never stopped in those 2 years. It fluctuated between almost daily and only on the weekends, never achieving full daily status but it was expensive and draining. I hope this time around things will be better, they already seem like they are. Life is really about small moments of happiness such as the comfort of a bed right before you fall asleep or having a small fan blow on your face during a warm night things like that. If you get caught up chasing big happiness often times you are let down.
 
FlyLila said:
I'm fresh off of Day 6 and starting Day 7. At first I didn't care what day it was but now I find myself looking forward to the evening knowing that I'm hitting another 24 hour mark of being clean! I spend my time watching "28 Days" or reading the forum.

Withdrawals have pretty much subsided other than low energy, depression and slight anxiety. Currently I am on Clomipramine and a benzo for severe anxiety which I have had way before the whole pain pill debalucle. Funny thing is that I am not addicted to the benzo. Never use over the amount and generally I'm overdue on refills meaning I pick it up one to two weeks after my refill is due. I pray for the day when the antidepressant and therapy work enough for me to quit benzo. Cannot wait. I feel that will be more physical than psychological. I begrudgingly gave up the pain pills.

I'm wondering how long does it take before you really stop thinking about pills, pills, pills. I'm sick of thinking about it and sick of craving one. The days are so long too. I've always wondered about this with smoking. Do former smokers ever get to the day when they don't think about a cigarette?
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I always wonder the same thing. Been using myriad different substances since I was 14(25 now), becoming addicted, getting clean, vicious cycle, yadda yadda. Longest Ive had off everything was 6 months and obviously cravings were still there or I wouldnt have used. Ive been pondering this same thing lately as Ive got 5 whole days clean lol. They always say it gets better but I never totally feel right. I mean I feel better clean but I always still feel like somehings fucked up with me. Sometimes I think about going to the psych doctor to try meds but whats the point they usually just try to give ssri's which I refuse to ever take again because none of them ever agreed with me at all, even kanna, they mess me up worse. Also I just want to be normal on my own, not dependent on another, albeit legal and accepted and all that bull, drug. I dont know, Im just trying to tough it out for the sake of a better life.
 
RDP89 said:
I dont know, Im just trying to tough it out for the sake of a better life.
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I think that once this becomes your compass, your life just gets easier. Irritating and annoying things will continue to happen, even horrible tragedy may hit you like a freight train, but once you have accepted that only you are in control of this one life and how you want to live it, you can survive anything with your heart intact.
 
herbavore said:
I think that once this becomes your compass, your life just gets easier. Irritating and annoying things will continue to happen, even horrible tragedy may hit you like a freight train, but once you have accepted that only you are in control of this one life and how you want to live it, you can survive anything with your heart intact.
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Well said and thank you.
 
Honestly i dont think you ever get back to your happiest ever in life like before opiates. I think you just are happy you arent living on the street or in jail and learn to manage life a little better.

Because if you had as much money in the world filthy rich do you think you would ever stop using? Im 100 percent sure i wouldnt.

I think you can be happy you arent homeless , but i also think it takes a long long long time to be content with life without opostes. Ive never let myself reach that point and always end up back in the cycle.

I wish you the best my friend, and my only advice is to not get to down when things dont go right. Try not to feel as if getting clean is all for nothing and life isnt worth it. Until you have lived the sober life for atleast. 5 years dont give up and never give in!!!
 
I have

but it's just an emotion

and all emotions are delusions (or are, in the very least, temporary)

you have to learn to be content with life, no matter what emotional frequency you're tuned into

that's what I've been struggling with, but it is possible; hang in there
 
never when I'm actively using. but when I'm not using, yes, every day :)

with that logic, you'd think it would be easy af... but it's not always that way. like someone else said above, it's about the small moments of happiness. I think it's important to follow your dreams and your passions and chase those big moments of happiness too, but once you start forgetting to appreciate the small moments, you're in trouble.

a good trick I've learned to boost my own happiness is to find something in my environment that I can appreciate... whether it's nice weather, or the fact that I'm in a nice warm house, or that I have loved ones nearby, I have a car I can drive, or even just a really cool looking tree lol... point is, there's always something you can use to help you refocus on feeling - at the very least - content and at peace <3

it's also unrealistic to expect happiness ALL the time though. learning to accept and process and let yourself feel all the "negative" emotions is just as important as actively working on making yourself happy without opiates/whatever your DOC is, imo.
 
You know it is kind of hard to find happiness all the time when no matter what you do people just want more from you no matter what you do for them. Maybe ultimate happiness can be found in some places but not in the society I live in where your success is measured in dollar bills and social status.
 
Cosmic Giraffe said:
You know it is kind of hard to find happiness all the time when no matter what you do people just want more from you no matter what you do for them. Maybe ultimate happiness can be found in some places but not in the society I live in where your success is measured in dollar bills and social status.
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just because others measures success in dollar bills and social status doesn't mean that's how you have to measure your own life and success. who cares what others think
 
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