i'm totally not a criminal now that i've been arrested a few times and have the psychward looming over my head. if weed weren't legal, i'd probably still hang around with people that use harder drugs, so they'd be dealing them to me. but now, i mostly keep to myself and buy weed legally. it's probably my favorite drug cause i can use it all the time, and i'm lucky enough to have strong effects most of the time i use it, so i haven't really been searching out other highs... i'd feel like a jerk going to any of my ex-dealers house anyways cause of covid and i lost my phone. idk.
i used to like to do graffiti and think it was some form of positive rebellion. i really felt a hatred for the government and i let it really get to me. i thought crying in public was a form of prayer and way to change the government. i'd look at people and make eye contact while i was crying and stuff and i would've told them my story, no one ever said anything to me though.
for a while i kind of expected to be in jail, and then i found out that they drug you.. i can't take it. worries me i might commit suicide or something if they drug me too bad. worried about going to prison and not being able to eat, worried they'll put a feeding tube down my throat and torture me telling me i had a reason to live and stuff. i'm definitely not a criminal. i'm a total wimp. i was even writing in another thread about how i don't feel free, but it doesn't 100% bother me cause of where my mind is at now a days.
i mean, i guess even growing shrooms is a criminal activity. i'd like to think that it was legal because the spores are still legal. lol. i guess once you start growing the shrooms though you are a criminal. i might be a criminal some day again. that's like barely a criminal though.. i'm not even supporting an illegal market. idk... i don't know if everyone being on drugs in public is postive for kids growing up, but the way the world is being a criminal doesn't make you a bad person... i'd definitely take larger doses of psychedelics if tripping weren't illegal activity. i'm just glad i've got to experience strong psychedelic trips at least a few times. having the courage to do that was fun while it lasted.