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Do you believe in love?

tantric

tantric

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 2, 2004
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Location
athens GA
How does romantic love fit in your world view? Is it magic or just chemistry?

I have this superstition that I'm not allowed to try to avoid love. If I feel myself falling in love, I have to go with it, no matter how insane, or I'll never have it again.

[this may be in the wrong subforum]
 
romantic love?

something perpetuated in hollywood films to distract us from remembering the love thats within us and connects us all.

love isn't selfish, its selfless.

to me romance is in true spontaneity, an expression of the joy of life. but the word doesn't mean much anymore tbh.
 
I love romantic love. When I'm in love it's so fun to be sweet with my lover. I don't find it to be delusional at all. A lot of modern people are trying to be all spiritual shit by doing the "unattached love" thing. When it comes to partnerships, there is no such thing. Why pretend you're above nature? And I personally have no problem with all-consuming, firey, passionate love as long as there are still healthy boundaries. You only live once, so live a little... even if it means being swept away. Life is not all about control.
 
I'm not sure, because I'm pretty burnt out on trying to make things work with another.

Is love fleeting? The initial reaction is.

I envy and pity long time couples in equal measure at this point in my life.

:)
 
Foreigner said:
I love romantic love. When I'm in love it's so fun to be sweet with my lover. I don't find it to be delusional at all. A lot of modern people are trying to be all spiritual shit by doing the "unattached love" thing. When it comes to partnerships, there is no such thing. Why pretend you're above nature? And I personally have no problem with all-consuming, firey, passionate love as long as there are still healthy boundaries. You only live once, so live a little... even if it means being swept away. Life is not all about control.
Click to expand...

WORD love. i know all about the neurochemistry, the sociobiology, etc. so what? i believe in love - it's a good thing, just understand that it's impermanent, like all things. and romance? yeah - skillz
 
As far as I'm concerned, love is a feeling. I've experienced it, so yes I believe it exists. I'm pretty sure, speaking objectively, love can be defined as a certain emotion, created by chemicals released in our brains, that has been proven to exist in those that are capable of feeling.
 
These days I tend to separate between human love and divine love.

As far as I have seen, human love is more connected to the instinctual nature and tends to be more unpredictable, conditional, and temporary. While the true love of the higher self is the opposite of that.

I think the closest I've gotten to that, apart from drugs, is being a child.
 
In the last 18 months I've completely shut myself off from developing emotional connections with people to focus strictly on some personal goals. Everything is "control". And I think back to the past and remember moment's where I was quite literally swept up in the moment and life happened organically. There was a lot of chaos and pain, but it was mixed in with deep bliss.

I'm not very good with balance, most of the time it's one or the other.. and I often switch between extremes. I'm certain when this period of control ends, I will let go into the chaos again.. and I will follow it wherever it goes, no matter how maddening or dangerous it might seem because life will feel real and visceral, once again.
 
Mysterie said:
something perpetuated in hollywood films to distract us from remembering the love thats within us and connects us all.
Click to expand...
I was thinking about that the other day. "Love" is bastardized by the media, portrayed in fiction and film so differently from what it actually is.

I've felt genuine romantic love once in my life and it made me genuinely happy, for literally the first time in my life. Sad, I know - that I'd never been happy before that.

But for "true love" to actually happen... is more rare than people think.
 
^^ I agree. We are fed a lot of stereotypes and ideas about romantic love in our society. I think a lot of it has to do with when marriage/partnership with another wasn't primarily about love, it was more functional. Women had no rights and needed a man to be with to function in society and be taken care of. So part of the male/female relationship there was the man providing for the woman, and also of the man owning the woman, more or less. In modern times most of us are looking for love more than anything, but a lot of us operate with one another with these ideas/relics from a different world, and they can cause a lot of resentments and questionable behaviors.

I think real, lasting romantic love, that enriches your life and doesn't detract from it, is possible (and yes it certainly does exist), but it requires both people to be able to continue to grow and master their neuroses and hangups, so that they're able to maintain respect for each other and understanding that they're each separate individuals. I think that there are a great many more people that long-term relationships will not work for you with, than there are where it will work. Over the course of years, little things build and build unless they're taken care of. You really have to be very selfless in love, otherwise it's doomed to fail or transform into something destructive.

I was with someone/married for 12 years until 3 years ago. It transformed over that time into something really negative and sad and destructive. Now I have been with a different person for a year and a half, and I believe our love will only continue to grow with time, because it's effortless with her. Not a single negative thing so far, I've never gotten mad at her, she's never even come close to raising her voice at me, and we respect each other as people. I can't say for sure it will be for life, because I can't see the future, and it's a pretty young relationship still, but so far it's been an entirely positive thing in my life. And I know that what I am feeling is love, and that it's as real as any other feeling.
 
Call me a believer, but I think there is something uniquely "magic" about love. I spent almost ten years believing that love was just the feeling of butterflies that you get in your stomach when... anyway. When I finally fell in love it felt unique. It started as butterflies, but suddenly I just became wrapped in so much energy, like a magical force. I think I made a thread about it somewhere...

Looking back, I wonder if it was random. Like I said, it started as butterflies, escalating from there. But I wonder if it's possible if I had done anything different that day that it would have been 'just butterflies' and I would have gone home anyway thinking, "Huh... this is love."

Still, I've spent a great deal of time thinking about it; the feeling has long since passed. I can't help but compare the feeling of love to one of the many psychedelics and hallucinogens I've used in the past 10 years. But I know in my heart that it's something altogether different.
 
i agree that common stereotypes are very bad.

i think passion/infatuation is a cool experience but a feeling of that "classic", fleeting type: can take you very high or make you suffer very much, it is volatile, crazy, etc... and most importantly idealistic, unattainable...

then, love as a deep human connection i think is something which does not need to be related to the previous notion. i had (very unfortunately in the past) a friend which i had a very deep connection with. it was really amazing. won't even try to describe. there was nothing sexual between us. i also have a very, very deep connection with my girlfriend (which would kill me if she saw me writing about this so squarely =D), and there is sex involved. but i wouldn't call the first inferior to the second at all. i also think it is terrible that the two notions are confounded. there seems to be this forcing of one into the other. all wrong imo. the real lasting bond can only be created when there is no interest, no effort.

this second notion of love i currently think is the most valuable thing in life. the first one seems very much like drugs.

though i am still very young and i'm sure that the more one gets old the more refined one's view on these types of things gets.
 
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I do believe in love, but I think many of us have a distorted view on how it should look or be.
Including me.. I am no where near perfect.
I guess I aspire to Be Love, as Ram Dass describes.. just food for thought: https://www.ramdass.org/being-love/

I also think love gets confused with lust, attraction, and attachment very often. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.
 
IMO love is an illusion of sorts. Romantic love is a farce and has little to do with love. Unconditional love is non existent. We are designed to do things that in some way we benefit from. So for example if I were to give my life for a loved one it would be because I value their existence above all else, or we are acting in line with the type of person we want to be. So the benefit to us is always there. Few if any would give their life to save a hated or feared Hitler.

Now just because love is conditional in no way means others don't benefit from it or it isn't one of the most beautiful things about being human. Others often do benefit greatly and that's wonderful. I like to use the term "like" instead of love but will default to using "love" because it's easier for others to understand.
 
This topic touches on a broader one, which is that people spend far too much of their time denying their human impulses. So much control, so much repression, and so much time trying to pretend that they are above it all that they waste their lives denying what it is they really want. It's a sickness that has infected our entire capitalist world. Maybe it's because I'm dying but I think this is really unfortunate. Why not responsibly enjoy what was given to you?

How have people become so jaded about love, the one thing that nurtures us and makes life worth living?
 
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