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Do I have a right to be upset?

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kayladelmo

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
66
I have feelings for this girl. I'm pretty sure she has feelings for me. She tells me that I'm the only one she's ever been with sexually, and that she cares about and loves me. It feels pretty much like a relationship without the label. Well, the other night my friend told me that she was hooking up with another girl during a party. They have a history I think, although I don't know much about their past. I hate to admit it but I got really jealous. I ask her about it and she denies it, but I heard it from a trusted friend who I believe. We're not officially together so I know she can do whatever she wants, but it still hurts that she lied to me. I told her I was upset, but the next day I apologized for being upset for some reason. I'm still really sad about it though. Right now she is being very very distant. She has bipolar disorder and I think she's depressed right now. I just don't know what to do. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? What did you do?
 
She sounds like one of those people who can't handle pressure. I would not pressure her... Give her a little room, and let her come to you. Don't be unfriendly or distant- let her know you'd love to hang out, but don't attach expectations. I know that's hard to do. If she's into you she will come around. Worry about having fun and enjoying each other- if the rest is meant to be it will happen- if not, you'll find somebody that wants more what you do. I would take it slowly. Make it so that you are the person who is fun to be with, makes her comfortable, is easy to be with. Then hopefully she will want to spend time with you and it can develop from there, if it is meant to be. Just don't make it conditional right now- it is too soon for that. I hope things work out the way you want!
 
It seems to me one of two things is going on right now, and it shouldn't be too, too hard to figure out which one it is:

Either your friend is into this girl as well and wants her for himself (or herself), in which case he or she is driving a wedge between you two by lying to you about her making out with another girl -- granted, it's a truly immature thing to do, but not completely outside the realm of possibility.

Or, this girl is an attention-getter and a game-player; she fooled around at the party with another girl and she's not going to tell you the truth. It's certainly a possibility, and the more likely possibility, I'd imagine...
 
^ heh agreed. youre allowed to feel however you want, its how you act that matters

jealousy doesnt exist. its a word we use to mask our most extreme insecurities, so we can go on thinking were perfect and our worldview is unflawed. anytime you feel jealous, dig deep, and figure out why these defense mechanisms have kicked in.

also, she can do whatever the fuck she wants with her body, with whomever she wants. what does the fact that she is in love with you have to do with who she has sex with? do you seek to make her your slave?

maybe she denies it because she is manipulative and sneaky. maybe she denies it because she lives in a world of fear and unacceptance, and fears that her behavior will receive negative consequences for acting outside of accepted norms (ie - sexual activity with same gender). maybe you were a "jealous" and ignorant asshole when you confronted her about it, instead of empathizing with her and asking her about her emotional state and where you stand within it. maybe she denies it because it diddnt happen at all, and you choose to believe "a trusted friend" because it allows you to remain "jealous" and not have to work through your own insecurities.

what would i do?

id go about my business and enjoy the company of other people, until she came to me and asked for my company exclusively. i wouldnt try to "make" anything happen, it let the stream flow where gravity pulls it. id be open minded to the possibility that she may never seek my company again, and that she is content without me.


dont be a jealous asshole cunt :) step back, let her do her own thing, and maybe you get to fuck them both! maybe you get neither. it doesnt really matter. love doesnt demand things from people.
 
Thanks for your input everyone. I was feeling really confused about this girl. I don't know where she stands because we haven't talked, she kind of disappeared and I don't know if I scared her off or if it's something going on in her life. I really don't know what her deal is and it doesn't seem like she wants to tell me. We're close friends but I guess there's nothing I can do if she doesn't wanna communicate. I figure it's better if I just let it go and forget about her, it wasn't really a "positive" relationship anyway, I always felt like shit after seeing her. Thanks for the input again everyone it helped put things in perspective. :)
 
Have you expressed your interest in her? At this point, while I understand your jealousy, I don't think you can be upset. Well, I mean you can, but you have to tell yourself that you're not a couple, so she isn't your girlfriend. Maybe she is tired of waiting for you to make a move. I've been in that position. The guy just took too long, so I moved on, and by that time, it was too late for a relationship.
 
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