Do I have a greater purpose in life?

[deadendgame]

So most of you know my story. I'm clean and I'm out looking for work. I sometimes indulge myself to a little bit of starbucks, but I take some off days where I just take nothing. Smoking is something I just cannot quit and I know the long term side effects of smoking cigarettes. So now I know what I have to do. I have to get a job, make money, and then buy a car, house, and women. But is that all there is to life? I enjoy playing video games and watching movies in my spare time although nowadays I don't get much spare time anymore. I feel that life is very repetitive and it is not really worth living anymore. Even if I accumulate all these things, I won't be happy. Nothing will, and that is the problem. I admit I am much happier when I'm high but society does not allow that. If I make more money, can I get high all I want? I can do sober, it's just that I feel that life is much more meaningful when I'm high. Do I have a greater purpose in life? People all tell me I have to be successful but I don't really know what that means. Are they telling me to go out and make more money? Have a great time?

 

[kratomman420]

im not sure if im the best person to answer, but, once you make money, and you get a job, i assume you use the money to go skydiving and ride horses and stuff, life seems alot more repetitive when im sober to, i havent really ever been able to have a fun time without drugs, personally i think people are born with amphetamine(whatever it increases), opiate, GABA, and cannabinoid deficiencys, or with irregular NMDA activity, and that causes them to be unable to enjoy life, and drugs correct the imbalance, but since your brain still thinks its baseline should be unhappy, you have to keep taking the drugs to stay happy, finding a compassionate understanding intelligent doctor would be your best option

what drug are you talking about? caffeine and nicotine?

 

[neversickanymore]

What does your heart say you should do?

House, car, profession.. hey if that's the way you need to go. Certainly not the only path.

Where do you need to travel and how do you need to get there?

 

[kratomman420]

hes right, im sorry, i kinda automatically turn to drugs, not that those arent a option, try traveling, you ever climbed a mountain in a nature reserve(no cars, no buildings, just nature for 100 square miles) and just sat on the top and chilled and looked at the clouds around you and the beautiful nature far far below

 

[kratomman420]

i once went to a rehab, not that you should go to a rehab, called WTC wilderness treatment center, they took us on a 120 mile hike over 21 days, and it was one of the best experiences of my life, i wasnt high for one second, and that was in the midst of hard drug addiction, it was so wonderful, i get nostalgic thinking about it, we didnt bring toilet paper, there was this shit that grew on the trees where we were, i think it was called witches hair or something like that, anyway, it was like toilet paper softness x 3, so our buttholes were treated VERY kindly, more so than usual, we learned to enjoy ourselves without computers and tvs, no electronics were aloud, but they played music a couple times while we were going to sleep (the counselor sneaked his ipad, super cool guy, if we told he woulda gotten in big trouble). we would stay in one place for 2-3 days a couple times, and climb mountain peaks, as there were several in the area, then we would hike up to 10 miles a day up hill sometimes with 60 pound packs, ever since that, i dont get tired walking, ever, i can now walk about 20 miles, then my feet start giving out, but my muscles are fine, that is if my chronic pain is numbed correctly, but thats not related to this, anyway we swam in completely untouched lakes, and drank from them as well, using water purification tablets and filters, so that we wouldnt have extra weight, we would fill up on water and conserve until we came to another water source, we foraged for food, we fished, we cooked delicous amazing food, and for 3 days they left us alone in the woods, and we basically just did nothing but think, and i loved it personally,

i know it sounds boring, try it, youll never forget it, and youll never have regrets, you will have muscle pain if you do not properly prepare physically though, its worth it

oh shit i mean try the hike, dont go to WTC, alot of the counselors were kinda fucked in the head, this was in montana btw, in the summer, and i was physically prepared, the guys that werent, well they werent as happy about the trip

 

[kratomman420]

if you do decide to go to WTC.... in the winter they have sledding and you make a sleeping place under the snow apparently, on the trip atleast, theres 60 days of studying the big book, aa meetings, and labor before the hike, theres bunnys everywhere though, like fucking dozens and dozens, maybe hundreds, while there i trained 2 of em with apples, eventually they would sit in our laps and let us pet them (cause of me) but i stopped at the second one..... because first one, they fed it apples until apparently, its insides burst poor thing, i trained the next, and the fucking retards snuck it to their cabin, then let it out at night, and immediantly a owl or hawk i dont remember which swooped down and sunk its talons into the baby bunny, blood spurting everywhere, and it flew off with the ripped apart bleeding bunny, i said FUCK YOU GUYS after that, and refused to use my skills again, and they never figured out how i did it, fucking dumbass pricks, i loved my bunnys they were my friends, they comforted me while i was withdrawaling,

the first one, i found dead, stiff and cold, very traumatic btw, tryed to wake the little guy up, he would move, it was these litttle twitches, just muscle spasms, he was gone..... im pretty sure i cryed, i know i wasnt right for a while, i buryed it with a couple friends that loved the bunny as well, we made a mark where it was buryed, poor thing, atleast it got a great grave for a rabbit, i have memory problems, but thats never going away, i wish i could go back in time with a bat and beat that fucking owl/eagle out of the sky with a bat, then go for the dumbass prick that let it out without any shelter, and i wish i could force feed the guys that kept feeding the bunny apples till it died, i want them to eat stool softeners, and diuretics, and MASS amounts of apples repeatedly, and well just see what happens.....

 

[Ruby Slippers]

Do you mind if l ask how old you are? To the OP. It would help me answer your question.