VictorBorge
Bluelighter
Hey everyone, sorry I've been a stranger lately. Off-line life has had me very busy. Just wanted to share a brief report on my first experience with pharmahuasca (never done it the old-fashioned brewed way), which was, shall we say, sobering.
0:00 - 150mg moclobemide
1:00 - 150mg DMT orally in a gelcap
2:30 - begin entering hyperspace; I get an irresistible urge to dance, in a herky-jerky way that is totally unlike me. I seem to be turning into another, fairly crazy, kind of person. Keep noticing little movements of elves in the corners of my eyes and jerking my head around to see.
3:00 - begin freaking the fuck out; hyperventilating. Take 0.5mg lorazepam, but this, potentiated by the MAOI (=oops) only made me drowsy and VERY nauseaus on top of being freaked out. Spend a lot of time communing with the porcelain diety. Everything is bright green. I am a frog in a swamp of puke. My vision is overwhelmed with visuals. I am COMPLETELY spaced out, depersonalized, and unable to think. This is not cool. It's ego loss in the most unpleasant way possible -- ego loss by being shaken until my brains are scrambled. I feel like my mind is in the teeth of a rabid animal.
I kept thinking I'm a frog. I knew this was somehow "wrong" or not right, not true, crazy fucked up thinking, but also had no way of dealing with this fact. I felt I'd gone insane. At least I'd felt this way before on high doses of psychedelics, so in some sense I was able to just bear down, shake my head ruefully, and remind myself it would be over soon, but it still wasn't at all pleasant.
As the trip went on I became very paranoid that some situation would arise that I wouldn't be able to handle, like a friend would come over or someone would call with an emergency (Bad Mind Set!).
4:00 - I realize maybe I will survive with sanity intact; able to eat a few bites of food; take 5mg hydrocodone to calm down. I have formed a little dependency on this stuff and I wonder how much of my bad trip had to do with the subtle beginnings of withdrawal.
Eventually, as it approached 8:30pm, I just decided to take off my clothes, get in bed, and cower in the dark until the trip was over. I felt like a wounded animal crawling into the dark to die. As I got undressed I was suddenly convinced I would die in my sleep and never wake up. But strangely, once I was in bed I felt better almost immediately, and was asleep within 30 minutes. Phew!
5:00 - finally escaping into sleep, planning to wake up and pretend this never happened
N,N-DMT generally: compared to the 5-methoxylated version this drug is so much more interesting and fun. I never found 5-meo to be more than an extremely powerful novelty drug -- an experience to collect and another notch on my belt, but not something insightful or to repeat often. DMT, smoked at least, is something I probably would do fairly often if it were easier to obtain. It really does seem to grant access to its own unique "space" or alternate reality, one that is so curious and archetypal you keep wanting to go back.
However, the oral duration of 2-3 hours is simply not compatible with the intensity of the experience, for me. It is as fear-inducing as the 5-meo, much more visual, and lasts ten to twenty times as long. The word I keep coming back to is merciless. It beat me down and down and down until I had no idea who I was or what I'd done to myself.
I can imagine that in a better setting and with more preparation for the intensity, this might have been the best trip ever. 150mg was definitely an absurd amount though and I was foolish to try it. I wouldn't mind trying again with 80-100mg, and gradually going up from there. The visuals are completely unrivalled, even by 10 tabs of acid. Utterly spectacular. Utterly terrifying.
Thanks.
0:00 - 150mg moclobemide
1:00 - 150mg DMT orally in a gelcap
2:30 - begin entering hyperspace; I get an irresistible urge to dance, in a herky-jerky way that is totally unlike me. I seem to be turning into another, fairly crazy, kind of person. Keep noticing little movements of elves in the corners of my eyes and jerking my head around to see.
3:00 - begin freaking the fuck out; hyperventilating. Take 0.5mg lorazepam, but this, potentiated by the MAOI (=oops) only made me drowsy and VERY nauseaus on top of being freaked out. Spend a lot of time communing with the porcelain diety. Everything is bright green. I am a frog in a swamp of puke. My vision is overwhelmed with visuals. I am COMPLETELY spaced out, depersonalized, and unable to think. This is not cool. It's ego loss in the most unpleasant way possible -- ego loss by being shaken until my brains are scrambled. I feel like my mind is in the teeth of a rabid animal.
I kept thinking I'm a frog. I knew this was somehow "wrong" or not right, not true, crazy fucked up thinking, but also had no way of dealing with this fact. I felt I'd gone insane. At least I'd felt this way before on high doses of psychedelics, so in some sense I was able to just bear down, shake my head ruefully, and remind myself it would be over soon, but it still wasn't at all pleasant.
As the trip went on I became very paranoid that some situation would arise that I wouldn't be able to handle, like a friend would come over or someone would call with an emergency (Bad Mind Set!).
4:00 - I realize maybe I will survive with sanity intact; able to eat a few bites of food; take 5mg hydrocodone to calm down. I have formed a little dependency on this stuff and I wonder how much of my bad trip had to do with the subtle beginnings of withdrawal.
Eventually, as it approached 8:30pm, I just decided to take off my clothes, get in bed, and cower in the dark until the trip was over. I felt like a wounded animal crawling into the dark to die. As I got undressed I was suddenly convinced I would die in my sleep and never wake up. But strangely, once I was in bed I felt better almost immediately, and was asleep within 30 minutes. Phew!
5:00 - finally escaping into sleep, planning to wake up and pretend this never happened
N,N-DMT generally: compared to the 5-methoxylated version this drug is so much more interesting and fun. I never found 5-meo to be more than an extremely powerful novelty drug -- an experience to collect and another notch on my belt, but not something insightful or to repeat often. DMT, smoked at least, is something I probably would do fairly often if it were easier to obtain. It really does seem to grant access to its own unique "space" or alternate reality, one that is so curious and archetypal you keep wanting to go back.
However, the oral duration of 2-3 hours is simply not compatible with the intensity of the experience, for me. It is as fear-inducing as the 5-meo, much more visual, and lasts ten to twenty times as long. The word I keep coming back to is merciless. It beat me down and down and down until I had no idea who I was or what I'd done to myself.
I can imagine that in a better setting and with more preparation for the intensity, this might have been the best trip ever. 150mg was definitely an absurd amount though and I was foolish to try it. I wouldn't mind trying again with 80-100mg, and gradually going up from there. The visuals are completely unrivalled, even by 10 tabs of acid. Utterly spectacular. Utterly terrifying.
Thanks.
