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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

DMT - Reunion with my Mother

SheEpYW0lf

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 26, 2013
Messages
19
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DMT
Reunion

Pharmacology
Substance: Dimethyltryptamine (DMT)
Potency: 96%+ Pure
Dosage: 45-50mg’s and 15-20mg’s
Route of Administration: Vaporized

PRE-CONDITIONS
(Mind)Set: Average positively inclined mindset, definite pre-flight anxiety, lacking considerations and truthful respect.
(Physical condition) Set: My friend’s apartment in fairly small and he has no knowledge about psychedelics, but he’s very accepting of the personal choice of using them. This was also the first time testing my new vaporizer, the Muad Dib.
(Location) Setting: At friend’s apartment.
Time of day: 3 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Recent drug use: None.
Last meal: Shared a family sized pizza with my friend.

PARTICIPANT
Gender: Male.
Body weight: 74kg.
Known sensitivities: None.
History of use: Very experienced in most psychedelic compounds.

TRIP REPORT
The day prior to the experience I had just received the concentrate vaporizer, Muad Dib, which has been designed and manufactured by Magic Flight. According to a couple of reports, this vaporizer was said to be the perfect device for DMT. Based on the design, quality and feedback reports, I instantly fell in love with this tiny wonder. So I went over to my friend’s apartment to try it out, as it had just come in time for our weekend feast. I had tried a minuscule amount at home, but experienced no effects.

At my friend’s house I placed 3 screen trenches inside and stuffed all of them to the rim with DMT. They were literally so over-full that around 5-10mg’s fell into the brass socket. I didn’t weigh out the dosages, as I’ve never been a fan controlling where you’ll go with DMT in that regard. In other words, I like the adventurous aspect of eyeballing DMT. However, according to a report, 3 full trenches can presumably hold 45-50mg’s, which should be more than enough for a breakthrough.

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I listened to some shamanistic icaros singing intended for Ayahuasca journeys and I felt prepared to dive really deep. I took the full dosage in a matter of seconds and held it in while lying in the bed. Although everything seemed perfect, I didn’t experience any effects apart from my legs becoming heavier. After 5 minutes of nothing, I was really disappointed and couldn’t even believe that such a massive dosage had just vanished completely into nothingness.

Therefore, I decided to load all 3 screen trenches once more and went ahead with the same procedure. This time I did get a very faint Tryptamine buzz in my body and a very slight change in perception, but nothing out of the ordinary. One thing I did notice, however, was that a joker/trickster type of entity tried to scare jump me by suddenly jumping into my field of vision with flapping arms and its tongue sticking out. It was very dark and I could barely make it out, but it was clearly an entity. Apart from these ridiculous effects, I experienced nothing. At this point I had completely given up and decided to complain to some people about my disappointing attempts at using this device. Although my attempts failed miserably, my friend encouraged me to try again after we had eaten the pizza.

The third attempt at something is supposedly always the lucky attempt, and I can definitely verify that now. This time I only loaded a single screen trench, because I honestly didn’t expect it to work, and I was already sad about losing 90-100mg’s of DMT on nothing. Since I wasn’t expecting anything to happen, I simply sat in a chair without any music playing. In other words, I was completely unprepared for what was going to hit me in the next moments to come. What I did different this time, was heating the DMT for a couple more seconds. Although this was the only real difference I made, I’ve been contemplating that the true reason for the 2 first dosages not having any effects, was because I dosed recklessly and was therefore kept out of the experience on purpose.

I assume the dosage to be around 15-20mg’s, seeing as it was only a third of the previous amounts. Despite it being such a small dose in comparison, it truly hit me like a sledgehammer. It was pretty much on par with my strongest Changa experience, which I found to be very extreme. Upon inhalation, I instantly felt the immediate effects of the known DMT onset. The entire room was transformed to a crystalline plastic paradise made up entirely of self-replicating and folding fractals. It was a stunning beauty. The room had turned into completely liquid Hyperspace silly putty. I almost forgot to exhale, because I got the sensation that I was underwater.

Seconds later I closed my eyes and sat with an erect spine with my meditative mudra. Before me was an infinitely large membrane that consisted entirely of a vast field of repeated fractals in a large array of different colours. The membrane seemed solid, but it had a very wobbly appearance, like a non-Newtonian fluid being subject to pulsating vibrations. As I was standing before this vast wonder, something was gradually protruding from the other side of the membrane. It clearly represented a human, and at one point I even mistook it for being myself. After being pushed to the limit, the membrane popped like a needle to a balloon, and I was flashed by a bright light. Seconds later I could see the shape of a human being in the distance. It came increasingly closer to me, until I at one point made out who it truly was.

My mother stood before my very eyes for the first time in 4 years. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what was taking place, because it was clearly beyond all imagination. She had taken on the appearance as her last human form, in order for me to recognize who I was really in the presence of at this moment. Describing the sight itself would be incredibly difficult, but she was made up of tiny fractal structures that seemed to be very stable, whereas other entities I’ve previously encountered seem to constantly transform their appearance. It was not only her features that made her identity apparent to me, but also the motherly presence and comfort that I recognized almost immediately. No thinking was able to enter this space with us; it was all super crisp and clear. No involvement or interpretation from my mind whatsoever. I couldn’t even utter a single word if I wanted to, because it was extremely staggering. Although I wouldn’t have been able to bring up a conversation, I definitely did not feel the need to. I was completely content with the moment, so thoughts and words would serve no purpose except for clouding and detracting from the experience. It was nothing but a moment of pure serenity, sincerity and perfection.

I was swimming in an ocean of emotions at the time. Each wave of emotion hit me like a thousand gunshots. They can by no means put into human language. I was so overwhelmed by the sheer force and magnitude behind this event that I literally felt like I was swimming in emotional states, because I became so dripping wet that I can’t even believe it. My eyes were watering, my mouth was over-salivating, every pore of my skin was excreting so much sweat that it would amount to running a marathon and I literally thought I had pissed myself in pure ecstasy.

At one point she slowly brought her hand to my face and stroked my left cheek in such a compassionate and non-judgmental manner that my tear canals could no longer keep up with the moment and burst out completely. I couldn’t handle the situation, but it was such an immeasurable relief to meet my mother a last time. I know from this point onward that she’s truly watching over me and protecting me, and this comes down to nothing but purely unconditional love. I instantly knew from the encounter with her that she holds no judgment towards my stupid decisions in regards to my former experiences with Salvia Divinorum. It was a very deep and accepting understanding that resonated from her presence. She looked beyond all of my convictions and identifications. In other words, she contained an endless capacity for compassion that is completely unparalleled by anything.

The experience was so emotionally powerful that I kind of slipped in and out of the experience, which is also partly to blame on my friend, who kept walking around and fiddling with things to keep himself occupied for the short duration. Although I lost the clear vision of my mother, I could feel her presence throughout the experience and I had a reassuring sense that she was watching over and protecting me.

After I lost the visual representation of her, I was brought into a Hyperspatial version of the room that I was already situated in. Everything around me seemed to be imbued with an elegant liveliness. I could see and hear the entities running and morphing past me, they seemed to be very busy with something that I could not get a real grasp of. When they surged past me, I could even feel faint gusts of wind hit me, as if they were moving at very rapid speeds. There really wasn’t any communication going on in the experience, at least not verbally or telepathically. Generally, I find that the rest of the experience after the encounter with my mother to be very clouded and hard to recall. I really only remember the entities hussling around and the beautiful room that I was sitting in at the time.

I opened my eyes to a pretty landscape of fractalish open eyed visuals and asked my friend how long it had been. He replied that it had been no more than 5 minutes in total. All I could really do at this point, was to hold my hands up to my eyes and say “wow” while recollecting the experience that had just taken place. I was in an exceptionally uplifted mood and was extremely appreciative of the opportunity that I got. I could never have wished for a better and more influential experience than this. It wasn’t exactly world shattering or life changing in any sense, but it was ultimately the best comfort and reassurance that I could’ve received at this point in time. I’m thrilled to know that my mother is fine and that there are no longer any doubts within me as to whether she lives on in one way or the other.

One thing I do have to revise and contemplate after this experience, is my views on afterlife. For a while I’ve had the conviction that there really is no such thing as an individual consciousness, but rather that everything in- and outside of existence is made up of a collective consciousness. It could simply be that this very being that underlies us all portrayed as my mother to give me the experience that I needed at this point in time, as this would certainly fit into my framework, but who am I really to propose existential and non-existential answers to unanswerable questions.

I am just beyond grateful that I wasn’t handed my own ass on one of the 45-50mg dosages, as I’m completely certain that I wouldn’t have been able to ride it out just as easily as I did with this experience. I got exactly the experience that I was in need of, neither under- or overwhelming in any way, just perfect. DMT is a magical compound and it holds a very dear place in the depth of my heart. Truly transformational. Thanks a lot.
 
That was an amazing experience. I have to admit that the mother in me tensed up at the point in your report when you laid out the next three doses and I found myself thinking, "Uh-oh, here we go....";)

Having given birth twice, I can completely recall the transcendent moment that happens at the very moment that all the pain and drama ceases and you look into the perfect eyes of a new human being for the first time. Never will there be a more concentrated and pure experience of unconditional love between two human beings as exists in that moment. If you are lucky, the relationship with your mother will provide many more manifestations of unconditional love throughout your life but these will always be clouded somewhat by the realities of personality, issues of control and any of the other inevitable complexities that tangle parent child relationships. But that first moment exists in our consciousness--the experience of being totally welcomed, totally accepted, totally honored and totally safe in the heart and mind of another human being. It sounds to me like your experience was, thanks again to your mother, reliving that moment. What an amazing gift!<3
 
one of the most inspiring, intense and amazing trip reports that i have read in years. thankyou so much for sharing your experience. what a magical journey! thats what i love about dmt and fictional transgression experiences; the ability to truly face situations and confronting emotion without ego and as a result; allowing your soul to digest every single facet of feeling (good, bad and ugly) peace and acceptance is finally achieved. reading your experience in reuniting with your mother made my hair stand on end and my chest tight; how wonderful for you <3

...kytnism...:|
 
one of the most inspiring, intense and amazing trip reports that i have read in years. thankyou so much for sharing your experience. what a magical journey! thats what i love about dmt and fictional transgression experiences; the ability to truly face situations and confronting emotion without ego and as a result; allowing your soul to digest every single facet of feeling (good, bad and ugly) peace and acceptance is finally achieved. reading your experience in reuniting with your mother made my hair stand on end and my chest tight; how wonderful for you <3

...kytnism...:|

Thank you so much friend :D<3
 
reading this report truly touched my heart... my 3rd experience with d was identical to this. i recall being in an eternal folding room before being face to face with my mother and ancient past. during the same experience at about the 30 second marker i was greeted by grinning jester/elf beings who were offering gifts. as i accepted them, i was thrown through hyperspace ;)
 
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