Now to start off, I've done DMT quite a few times but mostly at fairly low doses. Ranging from 20-50mg and all of which have been very enjoyable with nice visuals, body highs, and interesting thoughts. Tonight though I didn't quite know what I was getting myself into...
I laid down and packed about 40mg into my crack pipe, lit and inhaled a bit (about a medium hit, I wanted to prepare myself for later) . Laid down, tripped out a bit, got a nice sensation, had the general feeling of "ah home again", came down feeling fairly confident.
So about a half hour later I packed in 100mg (also there was prob close to 10mg+ of residue I didn't burn from the previous session). I turn on my psychedelic lights for a nice setting, and laid down in my bed and prepared myself mentally, and then hit it as hard as I could. I had never taken a hit that hard before, I felt it go down and burn my insides and knew I was in for something insane. Within in seconds I slowly fell back as the room began to dissolve. Within moments I felt the extreme intensity of the DMT pull of my body in every single direction along with a high pitched dog whistle like sound. The visuals I was experienced was indescribable I can hardly recall what I had seen, so many patterns, images, morphing 3D and 2D images, everything just changing so fast, nearly disorienting. Then I had gotten to the point where I was losing my ego and it started to scare me a bit, I wanted to hold on to my thoughts to comprehend what was happening in this place (or whatever it was) but all I could think of was scrambled ideas of what words were... "i cant.... be Im not.... this..... confusing... overwhelming.... "me"... who?". It was so confusing and almost terrifying, reality had completely crumbled around me, I began having thought loops, the same sensations and sounds would happen over and over again. My perception of time was gone, time was no longer a thing, I was lost in this void of purgatory. Things started coming together, this whole life experience was an illusion, everyone and everything was made up, I was God all along, reality was no longer real. I started to become terrified, I wanted to be human again so badly, these repeating images and thought loops were torturing me along with this complete loss of ego and the realization that nothing was real all along. I was trying to think of my girlfriend, friends, feelings, thoughts, anything to bring me back to reality and I was just stuck in this void of nothing. I thought I could never escape, I was convinced that this was the place I was at all along and it finally all made sense, this was the place all along. This place devoid of feeling and emotion, no connection to anyone or anything, I was God looking at this loading screen. I didn't want it, I wanted to be me again, my trip began to come down and my thoughts slowly returned, I was trying to remember how to love, how to feel, how to be human, I stumbled to my closet and turned on my light and cried. I wanted to kill myself, nothing was real anymore I thought I had permanently damaged my brain, maybe the DMT was laced? (my thoughts at the time)
I stood and just cried until I slowly came back, I started texting my girlfriend begging her to call me, I was terrified at what I had just witnessed and all of these realization I had come to, I just needed someone to bring me back to reality. She couldn't call but we texted and she calmed me down, I called my friend and we talked for a bit until I was sober. Everything is back to normal now but after experiencing that... I don't know what to think about reality anymore.
I don't understand how something like that could happen, I just can't comprehend and it terrifies me. I don't know what is real anymore... For now I'm just happy to be human again.
I laid down and packed about 40mg into my crack pipe, lit and inhaled a bit (about a medium hit, I wanted to prepare myself for later) . Laid down, tripped out a bit, got a nice sensation, had the general feeling of "ah home again", came down feeling fairly confident.
So about a half hour later I packed in 100mg (also there was prob close to 10mg+ of residue I didn't burn from the previous session). I turn on my psychedelic lights for a nice setting, and laid down in my bed and prepared myself mentally, and then hit it as hard as I could. I had never taken a hit that hard before, I felt it go down and burn my insides and knew I was in for something insane. Within in seconds I slowly fell back as the room began to dissolve. Within moments I felt the extreme intensity of the DMT pull of my body in every single direction along with a high pitched dog whistle like sound. The visuals I was experienced was indescribable I can hardly recall what I had seen, so many patterns, images, morphing 3D and 2D images, everything just changing so fast, nearly disorienting. Then I had gotten to the point where I was losing my ego and it started to scare me a bit, I wanted to hold on to my thoughts to comprehend what was happening in this place (or whatever it was) but all I could think of was scrambled ideas of what words were... "i cant.... be Im not.... this..... confusing... overwhelming.... "me"... who?". It was so confusing and almost terrifying, reality had completely crumbled around me, I began having thought loops, the same sensations and sounds would happen over and over again. My perception of time was gone, time was no longer a thing, I was lost in this void of purgatory. Things started coming together, this whole life experience was an illusion, everyone and everything was made up, I was God all along, reality was no longer real. I started to become terrified, I wanted to be human again so badly, these repeating images and thought loops were torturing me along with this complete loss of ego and the realization that nothing was real all along. I was trying to think of my girlfriend, friends, feelings, thoughts, anything to bring me back to reality and I was just stuck in this void of nothing. I thought I could never escape, I was convinced that this was the place I was at all along and it finally all made sense, this was the place all along. This place devoid of feeling and emotion, no connection to anyone or anything, I was God looking at this loading screen. I didn't want it, I wanted to be me again, my trip began to come down and my thoughts slowly returned, I was trying to remember how to love, how to feel, how to be human, I stumbled to my closet and turned on my light and cried. I wanted to kill myself, nothing was real anymore I thought I had permanently damaged my brain, maybe the DMT was laced? (my thoughts at the time)
I stood and just cried until I slowly came back, I started texting my girlfriend begging her to call me, I was terrified at what I had just witnessed and all of these realization I had come to, I just needed someone to bring me back to reality. She couldn't call but we texted and she calmed me down, I called my friend and we talked for a bit until I was sober. Everything is back to normal now but after experiencing that... I don't know what to think about reality anymore.
I don't understand how something like that could happen, I just can't comprehend and it terrifies me. I don't know what is real anymore... For now I'm just happy to be human again.