Psilo707
Bluelight Crew
Substance: n,n-DMT
Dose: 70 Mg Smoked
Setting: San Diego, Earth, 4 PM.
Date: June 04, 2008
Introduction
From the start, I understood that what I was planning to do was going to potentially lead to the most personal and revelating drug experience I've had in my life. I went in to this experience with a mission, a direction, and a question, while at the same time keeping an open mind for what it was going to show me. And I came out of it less confused, with all questions answered except the ones that did not have a literal definition.
From the start, the details leading up to my decision to ingest three times the amount of DMT I'd ever done in one sitting before was a clear, conscious choice, and I knew that I wanted to breakthrough into a new dimension of understanding my position in life. I had done the drug a couple times previously in the prior weeks and although it was cosmically breathtaking and awe-inspiring, I knew I had to go deeper.
And from the start, it seemed as though my path to this experience was written and confirmed in advance, my questions already having been answered before the trip even took place. This is a hard report to write due to it's personal nature and due to the ultimate question which I had proceeding smoking the DMT, which will be revealed within.
Trip
Sitting on the sloping grass hill, I peered around my surroundings to make sure no other people were in sight to interrupt my plans. A slight breeze was calmly hitting my face, coming up from the warm San Diego coast, and the air felt of cleanliness and purity. The clouds above were thin, but solid enough to block the immense heat rays of the 4 PM Sun that was hovering over the western edge of the sky. A slight greenhouse effect was already giving the inside of my body a slight buzz of warmth and defense.
With 70 mg of DMT packed onto itself in a suitable pipe that would not allow material to escape, I confidently began to vaporize the crystals and suck slowly into my mouth. My breath was a big one and I watched as the entire bowl finally lit up and the bittersweet-organic tasting smoke entered my body. I held it in for 10 seconds and during this time my body was immediately undergoing a change in which it understood to be an ancient and proven human experience. There was no chemical artificialness in my trip and the physiology of my body reacted as such to this positive aspect.
As the smoke exhaled from my mouth, I watched my entire ego dissipate along with it and flow out into the bright sky above. The next inhalation was one of disbelief and a chaotic whirlwind swept into my psyche like a dream-filled tornado of force and nature. Closing my eyes, I went from standing still, to blasting through the cosmos at light-speed, within an undetermined amount of split-second timing. Rays of rainbows and lines of light encircled my new atmosphere in a full 360* sphere around the 'being' that I had become, floating in an idle place, yet blasting through space at the same time, my end-point destination not yet understood.
Question
Then, as I knew it would, the situation came to mind. The point of the trip. I did not know how it would be communicated to me, but I knew that it would somehow be shown in a new light.
The question I had before proceeding with this trip is a feeling that I've had for most of my life, the details becoming more understood with each passing year. This feeling goes much deeper than a "drug" revelation or delusion, and it's much deeper than even a futuristic "vision" of what's to come. This knowledge that I believe I have is rooted deeply beneath my psyche, my ego, and my analytical ability. The knowledge I refer to is the knowledge of my own death.
I know that I am not meant to live a full life. I know that my life has been, and will be until the day comes - an explosion of happiness and a fireball of passion. I was never able to pinpoint this 'ending' time during my years as a kid, but I always knew that this was a fact in my existence. In the last few years, the deep rooted feeling has given me the answer to "when" I am going to die, and that is at 27 years of age. I don't ever think about obtaining more info, and the fact that I think this way has never made me scared or mad. And I have never questioned my sanity over thinking something like this. The friends and family that I 'have' told, which is very few (and therefore making it even harder to write this) all do not believe that it will happen, and that's exactly how I would have it. I know it will happen but I don't want anyone to fret over me until it does. I am 24 right now and am living life to the fullest until I go.
With the explanation out of the way, and with that entire thought in my mind as I was peaking on the DMT, I will now try and put into words what happened during my confrontation with this situation.
Answer
They were waiting for me. Visible beings behind my closed eyelids. A mixture of dancing fairies and cold, hard-edged alienesque beings. They came swirling into view as my hyperspatial speed led me to their area of non-space and time. Although I could make out five of them, with the center one being the largest and the ones on the edges the smallest, I understood that there were actually an infinite number of these beings and it did not matter which ones "I" personally was going to deal with during this experience. I felt the presence of innumerable amounts of actual beings all around me and I put myself in a position of reverence and of awe towards them.
All I had to say was one question, "Why?". I did not even think this term in literal English in order to ask it. This term was communicated through the deepest roots of my ego and passed through open arms towards them. They did not even communicate back. In order to answer me, they took my open arms and pulled me in. I felt a feeling of infinity, I felt a feeling of oneness, and I believe myself to have cried as the cradle of the universe took my soul and wrapped itself around me, making me understand it's point without having to say a word.
The question of "why I am going to die as an individual" was quickly replaced by something much larger. The question wasn't even answered fully, but was replaced with a new twist, which was "it does not matter that you are going to die as an individual, but rather that you will always be living collectively through infinity". I now understood, through a series of visions and valleys that the DMT beings were progressing me through. They showed me that even though we come into this world alone and we die alone, and that the universe is a cold-hearted, unforgiving place in the end... I was shown that even the laws of the universe can not break apart our collective consciousness as living creatures. And it can not break up our infinity. Even if human life as we know it ends, there will still always be the aspect of 'life' at some point in some place through the timeline of space. I was shown that even though I will not be resurrected as my own soul again after I die, my energy 'will' carry on through other living beings elsewhere in time, and in the end, nothing is lost but my own temporary position in experiencing consciousness within this specific universe.
My mind then went through a loop and, looking dead-on into the eyes of the beings spiraling in my vision of infinity, they told me that I have been correct all along and that I have been right in not fearing the upcoming transition that will take place. There is no innate reason for an individuals death. Everything is science - everything relates to being in a certain place at a certain time - and everything is chance. DMT, the most spiritual substance in existence, was the one that was telling me there is no spiritual meaning for a death to occur. And that the only spiritual aspect is what happens to a person after the actual death occurs. Therefore, I should not worry about the question of "why" I am going to die, because there is no literal answer. The answer is that whatever happens to me, happened by chance. And one of the reasons I'm writing this right now, with tears coming out of my eyes, my body buzzing and teeth gritting, is to provide a written report to my friends and family that I had knowledge of this event beforehand and that I was not scared in any way of its happening.
Thoughts
I don't have much more to say beyond what I just stated. Except to reaffirm the promise to myself and to others that this drug (nor any other drug) has ever played a role in my somewhat dark and questionable state of mind about the end of my existence. I used DMT in this case because I knew that it would be able to break open doors in my head that were preventing me from confirming the belief in myself that I really wasn't scared. And as I said at the beginning, it seems as though I was right about the answer before the experience ever took place. The path leading to it was written in stone, and I am glad I wasn't mistaken about the point of this trip.
Every drug experience where a "revelation" has occurred in my life has all been leading up to "this" experience. None of them were fake, so to speak, but they were definitely on a lower level of power and could not hold a candle to what this high-dose DMT trip has helped me with.
That was true revelation, and a confirming point in my life. A turning point.
Please now commence with the "Psilo, you're not sane and should be locked up for your ridiculous premonitions" responses.
substancecode_DMT
Dose: 70 Mg Smoked
Setting: San Diego, Earth, 4 PM.
Date: June 04, 2008
Introduction
From the start, I understood that what I was planning to do was going to potentially lead to the most personal and revelating drug experience I've had in my life. I went in to this experience with a mission, a direction, and a question, while at the same time keeping an open mind for what it was going to show me. And I came out of it less confused, with all questions answered except the ones that did not have a literal definition.
From the start, the details leading up to my decision to ingest three times the amount of DMT I'd ever done in one sitting before was a clear, conscious choice, and I knew that I wanted to breakthrough into a new dimension of understanding my position in life. I had done the drug a couple times previously in the prior weeks and although it was cosmically breathtaking and awe-inspiring, I knew I had to go deeper.
And from the start, it seemed as though my path to this experience was written and confirmed in advance, my questions already having been answered before the trip even took place. This is a hard report to write due to it's personal nature and due to the ultimate question which I had proceeding smoking the DMT, which will be revealed within.
Trip
Sitting on the sloping grass hill, I peered around my surroundings to make sure no other people were in sight to interrupt my plans. A slight breeze was calmly hitting my face, coming up from the warm San Diego coast, and the air felt of cleanliness and purity. The clouds above were thin, but solid enough to block the immense heat rays of the 4 PM Sun that was hovering over the western edge of the sky. A slight greenhouse effect was already giving the inside of my body a slight buzz of warmth and defense.
With 70 mg of DMT packed onto itself in a suitable pipe that would not allow material to escape, I confidently began to vaporize the crystals and suck slowly into my mouth. My breath was a big one and I watched as the entire bowl finally lit up and the bittersweet-organic tasting smoke entered my body. I held it in for 10 seconds and during this time my body was immediately undergoing a change in which it understood to be an ancient and proven human experience. There was no chemical artificialness in my trip and the physiology of my body reacted as such to this positive aspect.
As the smoke exhaled from my mouth, I watched my entire ego dissipate along with it and flow out into the bright sky above. The next inhalation was one of disbelief and a chaotic whirlwind swept into my psyche like a dream-filled tornado of force and nature. Closing my eyes, I went from standing still, to blasting through the cosmos at light-speed, within an undetermined amount of split-second timing. Rays of rainbows and lines of light encircled my new atmosphere in a full 360* sphere around the 'being' that I had become, floating in an idle place, yet blasting through space at the same time, my end-point destination not yet understood.
Question
Then, as I knew it would, the situation came to mind. The point of the trip. I did not know how it would be communicated to me, but I knew that it would somehow be shown in a new light.
The question I had before proceeding with this trip is a feeling that I've had for most of my life, the details becoming more understood with each passing year. This feeling goes much deeper than a "drug" revelation or delusion, and it's much deeper than even a futuristic "vision" of what's to come. This knowledge that I believe I have is rooted deeply beneath my psyche, my ego, and my analytical ability. The knowledge I refer to is the knowledge of my own death.
I know that I am not meant to live a full life. I know that my life has been, and will be until the day comes - an explosion of happiness and a fireball of passion. I was never able to pinpoint this 'ending' time during my years as a kid, but I always knew that this was a fact in my existence. In the last few years, the deep rooted feeling has given me the answer to "when" I am going to die, and that is at 27 years of age. I don't ever think about obtaining more info, and the fact that I think this way has never made me scared or mad. And I have never questioned my sanity over thinking something like this. The friends and family that I 'have' told, which is very few (and therefore making it even harder to write this) all do not believe that it will happen, and that's exactly how I would have it. I know it will happen but I don't want anyone to fret over me until it does. I am 24 right now and am living life to the fullest until I go.
With the explanation out of the way, and with that entire thought in my mind as I was peaking on the DMT, I will now try and put into words what happened during my confrontation with this situation.
Answer
They were waiting for me. Visible beings behind my closed eyelids. A mixture of dancing fairies and cold, hard-edged alienesque beings. They came swirling into view as my hyperspatial speed led me to their area of non-space and time. Although I could make out five of them, with the center one being the largest and the ones on the edges the smallest, I understood that there were actually an infinite number of these beings and it did not matter which ones "I" personally was going to deal with during this experience. I felt the presence of innumerable amounts of actual beings all around me and I put myself in a position of reverence and of awe towards them.
All I had to say was one question, "Why?". I did not even think this term in literal English in order to ask it. This term was communicated through the deepest roots of my ego and passed through open arms towards them. They did not even communicate back. In order to answer me, they took my open arms and pulled me in. I felt a feeling of infinity, I felt a feeling of oneness, and I believe myself to have cried as the cradle of the universe took my soul and wrapped itself around me, making me understand it's point without having to say a word.
The question of "why I am going to die as an individual" was quickly replaced by something much larger. The question wasn't even answered fully, but was replaced with a new twist, which was "it does not matter that you are going to die as an individual, but rather that you will always be living collectively through infinity". I now understood, through a series of visions and valleys that the DMT beings were progressing me through. They showed me that even though we come into this world alone and we die alone, and that the universe is a cold-hearted, unforgiving place in the end... I was shown that even the laws of the universe can not break apart our collective consciousness as living creatures. And it can not break up our infinity. Even if human life as we know it ends, there will still always be the aspect of 'life' at some point in some place through the timeline of space. I was shown that even though I will not be resurrected as my own soul again after I die, my energy 'will' carry on through other living beings elsewhere in time, and in the end, nothing is lost but my own temporary position in experiencing consciousness within this specific universe.
My mind then went through a loop and, looking dead-on into the eyes of the beings spiraling in my vision of infinity, they told me that I have been correct all along and that I have been right in not fearing the upcoming transition that will take place. There is no innate reason for an individuals death. Everything is science - everything relates to being in a certain place at a certain time - and everything is chance. DMT, the most spiritual substance in existence, was the one that was telling me there is no spiritual meaning for a death to occur. And that the only spiritual aspect is what happens to a person after the actual death occurs. Therefore, I should not worry about the question of "why" I am going to die, because there is no literal answer. The answer is that whatever happens to me, happened by chance. And one of the reasons I'm writing this right now, with tears coming out of my eyes, my body buzzing and teeth gritting, is to provide a written report to my friends and family that I had knowledge of this event beforehand and that I was not scared in any way of its happening.
Thoughts
I don't have much more to say beyond what I just stated. Except to reaffirm the promise to myself and to others that this drug (nor any other drug) has ever played a role in my somewhat dark and questionable state of mind about the end of my existence. I used DMT in this case because I knew that it would be able to break open doors in my head that were preventing me from confirming the belief in myself that I really wasn't scared. And as I said at the beginning, it seems as though I was right about the answer before the experience ever took place. The path leading to it was written in stone, and I am glad I wasn't mistaken about the point of this trip.
Every drug experience where a "revelation" has occurred in my life has all been leading up to "this" experience. None of them were fake, so to speak, but they were definitely on a lower level of power and could not hold a candle to what this high-dose DMT trip has helped me with.
That was true revelation, and a confirming point in my life. A turning point.
Please now commence with the "Psilo, you're not sane and should be locked up for your ridiculous premonitions" responses.
substancecode_DMT
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San Diego (Black's Beach) perfect place 4 LSD!