B
BUDDHA3333
Guest
Hi, I lost my 23yo Daughter to an accidental overdose 3 years ago. we were very close and the loss sent me into a Black hole so deep that I can't even articulate in words the depths of that Hell.
Over this time I slept,went to work and read stories about NDE's and related topics. I'm married but I pretty much ignored my wife and at times secretly blamed her for what happened. (She did nothing to cause this of course). I also thought maybe it was my sisters fault,after all my Daughter tried to call her a few weeks before her Accident to get some advice and my Sister was busy and did not return her call.
Here again it was my mind coming up with all this. I couldn't even enjoy music or a movie or anything for that matter. so I just slept. sometimes for 2 days straight on weekends. suicide started to sound very attractive and I figured I would see my Daughter and the light and all the warm and fuzzy's that I had read about.
So I made a few attempts, asphyxiation seemed to be the way to go. So I decided on the Belt in the Door method,but each time I would Chicken out and stop as I felt the Blood slow down to my brain and things getting dark.
I'm not a religious Person but one day I screamed at God and said "help me " "I'm lost and will give myself to you" .
A few days later while searching online about NDE stories I found an article about DMT. I decided to look into it. the more I read about it the more interested I got.
fast forward - I done the DMT and it woke me up like RIGHT NOW ! I'm now living in a World where I want to do things with my Wife,I enjoy Music and don't want to die and I have been sleeping normal hours. of course I miss my Daughter but have come to some resemblance of peace with what happened.
Its been about 2 weeks since and now I'm noticing a "slipping feeling" as if the Black Hole is trying to reclaim me. I have been Meditating and trying to stay positive and "present" for myself and my Wife.
I guess my question is if anybody else here has also used DMT for depression and Grief and is there anything to be gained by doing it again ? I have never been a drug user outside of MJ and feel guilty.
Also I must add that while on the DMT I was anxious and curious but not afraid. but now even thinking about doing it again scares the heck out of me. I'm not sure why this is. could be related to seeing entity's when I used it.
I just don't want to fall back into the Black Hole again. anybody else have these negative feelings for DMT after using it, even thought the experience itself was not so bad and in many ways very loving after the initial blast off.
any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,anonymous
Over this time I slept,went to work and read stories about NDE's and related topics. I'm married but I pretty much ignored my wife and at times secretly blamed her for what happened. (She did nothing to cause this of course). I also thought maybe it was my sisters fault,after all my Daughter tried to call her a few weeks before her Accident to get some advice and my Sister was busy and did not return her call.
Here again it was my mind coming up with all this. I couldn't even enjoy music or a movie or anything for that matter. so I just slept. sometimes for 2 days straight on weekends. suicide started to sound very attractive and I figured I would see my Daughter and the light and all the warm and fuzzy's that I had read about.
So I made a few attempts, asphyxiation seemed to be the way to go. So I decided on the Belt in the Door method,but each time I would Chicken out and stop as I felt the Blood slow down to my brain and things getting dark.
I'm not a religious Person but one day I screamed at God and said "help me " "I'm lost and will give myself to you" .
A few days later while searching online about NDE stories I found an article about DMT. I decided to look into it. the more I read about it the more interested I got.
fast forward - I done the DMT and it woke me up like RIGHT NOW ! I'm now living in a World where I want to do things with my Wife,I enjoy Music and don't want to die and I have been sleeping normal hours. of course I miss my Daughter but have come to some resemblance of peace with what happened.
Its been about 2 weeks since and now I'm noticing a "slipping feeling" as if the Black Hole is trying to reclaim me. I have been Meditating and trying to stay positive and "present" for myself and my Wife.
I guess my question is if anybody else here has also used DMT for depression and Grief and is there anything to be gained by doing it again ? I have never been a drug user outside of MJ and feel guilty.
Also I must add that while on the DMT I was anxious and curious but not afraid. but now even thinking about doing it again scares the heck out of me. I'm not sure why this is. could be related to seeing entity's when I used it.
I just don't want to fall back into the Black Hole again. anybody else have these negative feelings for DMT after using it, even thought the experience itself was not so bad and in many ways very loving after the initial blast off.
any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,anonymous