We'll call me DK for now, or full name DDM.
I always over-write, but feel my story maybe interesting or insightful. Maybe, even helpful to finding recovery again. I'm a woman of many words. Brace yourself. lol
♤♤♤MY STORY:
Recovered when turned 18 (now 29) from recreational use of basically anything that crossed my path that could be swallowed or snorted, a year ago returned to using and found leaving it was much harder as an adult with PTSD, BPD, and depression after being married to a user for going on 4 years now.
He started out when we first got together, and within a few months was a needle user.(meth and roxys)
We struggled with my husband's use, the lies, etc. Even now we struggle with his side being dishonest about use even though I am now a user. (Even though I not long into the relationship made a disclosure rule where honesty never brought consequences, I'd rather know so if anything went wrong I could tell the hospital and such. Worked for a while, then the lying started back.)
At one point I did shoot meth with him, only to try to understand, while under the influence of alcohol. After realizing that a girl who was terrified of needles had then used a few times my husband became worried and we tossed our points at the same time. I lost the guy I was with previously to drugs, he overdosed on heroin so I hated drugs and needles, it was mostly hoping to scare him straight. I didn't see the attraction, truthfully and didn't really like it on top of that hatred of drugs anyway.
About 4 months later I became pregnant, and we had gotten married - within 6 months of quitting he had returned to using without me and hid it, mid-pregnancy he was bad off on roxys and meth again and it eventually caused me to choose adoption for our child in our first year of marriage. He never stopped longer than a week ever again.
3rd year of marriage beginning of year I hurt my arm VERY badly, while drinking decided to bang roxys(I did 3 30mg one after the other until numb) that night then twice a day i used a 30mg to deal with the excruciating pain that I couldn't afford to go to the hospital with. I quit after most the pain stopped within 2 weeks for fear of becoming addicted.
About 2 months tops from that I again made a bad choice, but mostly hoped it'd kill me was my reasoning, to use again.
I went basically from a non-user (but always heavy drinker) to banging opana 40's after a fight that left me thinking he'd never be back.
If I recall, the argument was about his use - so me being a user now after all I went through with him probably seems very odd after how much I hated it and all the struggles and pain it brought with his using.
But, here I am a year later.
Last year I was on at any given time: Roxy30mg's, Opana40mg gels- about 3 a day when using, Dilaudid/K4's - but, WAS able to almost completely kick drinking. Though, part of my PTSD is kicked in by even the smell now so I avoid it pretty easily. I don't want to go into all those details, but glad to be over the booze. I was drunk the almost whole week I did the Opanas and started Dilaudids so obviously my ability to make good choices drinking was very hendered so not drinking is a big deal.
I did quit for a small period of time after that week again, about a month.
Opanas fell in my lap cheap, so again back to using and it continued until this past December, when I started taking Subutex on my own, banging it at a 1/4 a pill a day. Only one relapse, in February for 2 days, reminded me why I quit!! Never again! Sickness came with a vengeance and sealed that coffin!
Still no drinking, but now as of past month using meth by snorting only, maybe twice a week, less than a 10th of a gram a day.
I had to quit the Opanas, it was killing me.
I went, in about 6 months, from 140lbs to 70lbs. I was very sick and experienced the symptoms of what they call "PPT", if I recall. (Bleeding, bruising under the skin from shooting Opanas which I read is becoming a big deal in my state and surrounding states, they say they don't know why it's happening. But obviously, banging fillers that are hard until heated and harden back when cool probably blocks arteries and veins. Especially, when the entire group have never heard of microfilters and only use cigarette butts. I found out about those here, after quitting) I also suffer now from blood sugar issues, low blood pressure, and I lose feeling in my extremities.
I want to get off Subs, too. But, I'm addicted to that poke. I'm looking to find a way to break it. I only have two spots that register because I'm so tiny (was petite before, I cam only seem to hit in the bends of my arms. Recently, those are not wanting to register and I have a lot of scare tissue.
We have no harm prevention here, needles require a prescription, usually have to be constantly reused because of limited ability to get them, can't buy microfilters here, no exchanges or clinics close by that are available to me. Just recently law changed to a needle not being enough to get you arrested as long as you disclose you have them for police safety. It's sad, because it's a small town and use is rampant here. EVERYONE is on something.
♤♤♤ABOUT ME:
Married, 29, female. Lives in Tennessee, USA. Loves to read and write.
Trying to recover.
Thanks for the website, I've been using it in the recent few months for harm reduction and wish I'd found it a LONG time ago.
I always over-write, but feel my story maybe interesting or insightful. Maybe, even helpful to finding recovery again. I'm a woman of many words. Brace yourself. lol
♤♤♤MY STORY:
Recovered when turned 18 (now 29) from recreational use of basically anything that crossed my path that could be swallowed or snorted, a year ago returned to using and found leaving it was much harder as an adult with PTSD, BPD, and depression after being married to a user for going on 4 years now.
He started out when we first got together, and within a few months was a needle user.(meth and roxys)
We struggled with my husband's use, the lies, etc. Even now we struggle with his side being dishonest about use even though I am now a user. (Even though I not long into the relationship made a disclosure rule where honesty never brought consequences, I'd rather know so if anything went wrong I could tell the hospital and such. Worked for a while, then the lying started back.)
At one point I did shoot meth with him, only to try to understand, while under the influence of alcohol. After realizing that a girl who was terrified of needles had then used a few times my husband became worried and we tossed our points at the same time. I lost the guy I was with previously to drugs, he overdosed on heroin so I hated drugs and needles, it was mostly hoping to scare him straight. I didn't see the attraction, truthfully and didn't really like it on top of that hatred of drugs anyway.
About 4 months later I became pregnant, and we had gotten married - within 6 months of quitting he had returned to using without me and hid it, mid-pregnancy he was bad off on roxys and meth again and it eventually caused me to choose adoption for our child in our first year of marriage. He never stopped longer than a week ever again.
3rd year of marriage beginning of year I hurt my arm VERY badly, while drinking decided to bang roxys(I did 3 30mg one after the other until numb) that night then twice a day i used a 30mg to deal with the excruciating pain that I couldn't afford to go to the hospital with. I quit after most the pain stopped within 2 weeks for fear of becoming addicted.
About 2 months tops from that I again made a bad choice, but mostly hoped it'd kill me was my reasoning, to use again.
I went basically from a non-user (but always heavy drinker) to banging opana 40's after a fight that left me thinking he'd never be back.
If I recall, the argument was about his use - so me being a user now after all I went through with him probably seems very odd after how much I hated it and all the struggles and pain it brought with his using.
But, here I am a year later.
Last year I was on at any given time: Roxy30mg's, Opana40mg gels- about 3 a day when using, Dilaudid/K4's - but, WAS able to almost completely kick drinking. Though, part of my PTSD is kicked in by even the smell now so I avoid it pretty easily. I don't want to go into all those details, but glad to be over the booze. I was drunk the almost whole week I did the Opanas and started Dilaudids so obviously my ability to make good choices drinking was very hendered so not drinking is a big deal.
I did quit for a small period of time after that week again, about a month.
Opanas fell in my lap cheap, so again back to using and it continued until this past December, when I started taking Subutex on my own, banging it at a 1/4 a pill a day. Only one relapse, in February for 2 days, reminded me why I quit!! Never again! Sickness came with a vengeance and sealed that coffin!
Still no drinking, but now as of past month using meth by snorting only, maybe twice a week, less than a 10th of a gram a day.
I had to quit the Opanas, it was killing me.
I went, in about 6 months, from 140lbs to 70lbs. I was very sick and experienced the symptoms of what they call "PPT", if I recall. (Bleeding, bruising under the skin from shooting Opanas which I read is becoming a big deal in my state and surrounding states, they say they don't know why it's happening. But obviously, banging fillers that are hard until heated and harden back when cool probably blocks arteries and veins. Especially, when the entire group have never heard of microfilters and only use cigarette butts. I found out about those here, after quitting) I also suffer now from blood sugar issues, low blood pressure, and I lose feeling in my extremities.
I want to get off Subs, too. But, I'm addicted to that poke. I'm looking to find a way to break it. I only have two spots that register because I'm so tiny (was petite before, I cam only seem to hit in the bends of my arms. Recently, those are not wanting to register and I have a lot of scare tissue.
We have no harm prevention here, needles require a prescription, usually have to be constantly reused because of limited ability to get them, can't buy microfilters here, no exchanges or clinics close by that are available to me. Just recently law changed to a needle not being enough to get you arrested as long as you disclose you have them for police safety. It's sad, because it's a small town and use is rampant here. EVERYONE is on something.
♤♤♤ABOUT ME:
Married, 29, female. Lives in Tennessee, USA. Loves to read and write.
Trying to recover.
Thanks for the website, I've been using it in the recent few months for harm reduction and wish I'd found it a LONG time ago.
