Dliemma: Tell her, or not?

[Belisarius]

So, there's this woman on OkCupid that I've messaged once or twice, but have never gone on a date with. Being a small world, I'm browsing a porn site (note this is NOT a "revenge porn" site) when I come across a picture that bears an astonishing resemblance to her. I flip back and forth between the images on her profile and the images on the site, and am better than 95% sure that it's her. They're not selfies, so someone else took them.

So, here's the skinny: Part of me wants to tell this person whose first name I don't even know about the existence of these pictures, and another part would rather let sleeping dogs lie and not look like a freaking stalker, because that's exactly what it will look like if I say something. There's also the non-zero possibility that she submitted them herself, since it's an amateur site, which would look doubly stalker-ish. For those of you who have been in this or a similar situation, what did (or would) you do? This has never happened to me before, so any (non-snarky) advice would be appreciated.

 

[sarajenni88]

I would wait to talk to her about it until u decide whether or not this will turn into a friendship or even a relationship. Until then don't mention it and don't let it cloud ur view of her either. U don't know that its actually her...if some put the pictures up with out her permission... or if she is the lady in the porn. Good luck

 

[cashfl0w_d0nkey]

The only thing that would be satisfied by telling her would be your own curiosity. Other than that, I can't see anything positive from mentioning it. There's a decent chance you'd be wrong anyway-- I've met many people with eerily similar appearances. You're basing this on one picture.

What I'd do is just save it in case a conversation somewhere down the line ever occurs where it would make sense to mention it.

 

[pofacedhoe]

if she let someone else take photo's of her then its her own fault because you always must remember that if someone has a compromising (for your career etc.) photo of you that it can and may be used against you.

anyway you will gain nothing by telling her other than at best an association between you and an awkward situation which is not the emotion you want to link to yourself to if you expect that you could get anywhere with her.

if it ins't her she will think you've been looking at porn that looks like her which if i was her i would laugh and then cease contact.

 

[nuttynutskin]

If you've never even met this person it might not even be them.

 

[purplefirefly]

Let it lie. Calling her out isn't going to do anything byt start a very awkward conversation with someone that you barely even know.

 

[LilbabiC]

I would just leave it alone like everyone else said. For all you know the profile picture on OkCupid might not be her either.what you see is not always what you get. Just be careful!

 

[poopie]

Hmm, I'm in the minority, I guess.

While appearances aren't always what they seem to be, I think informing her is what you ought to do. You're in no way obligated to, but if it's stirring up this ethical (moral?) dilemma in you, then I think you know what's right.

A very brief preface would be best, imo. And leave it at that.

Is it dumpstersluts?

Tell me it is!

 

[Belisarius]

^
It was a Tumblr, of all things...

Thank you for the replies, all; I was leaning toward the general opinion of non-interference, myself. "Sometimes the truth isn't good enough", and all that.

 

[axl blaze]

wow, what a very interesting situation!!

honestly, since you have not really ever made contact and you don't plan on contacting her ever (am I right on that last part?), I would just tell her about it

she should know. however, it's not like the poor lady will be able to do much about it...

 

[Chinggis]

Chances are she willingly put the pictures out as a means to make money. I doubt she's going too take to much offense if someone notices her. She had to realize that this was a distinct possibility. At worst (that is if you are nice about it and all), she might be embarrassed and explain that she doesn't really want the world to know about it. At best she will ask you what you think about the pictures, and then you get a chance to tell her that you really dig her. Hey I know...turn it around on yourself and say that you are a little embarrassed to talk about watching porn...or say something smooth or "cute" as they say, like "It usually takes a little longer for me to see a girl that I really like naked, but hey at least I know there's absolutely no chance I will be disappointed if I am ever so lucky enough to see the real thing, in person...I mean you are gorgeous/hot/stunning!"

I'm assuming you have some desire to have future contact with this person (why else would you care at all). I don't think you would sound like a stalker (you didn't type her name in Google or anything). Talk a little bit and get a little more comfortable and then talk about the pics, OR if your contact grows cold then use the pics thing to start a more interesting and personal conversation, OR don't bring it up at all.