Brian Mchagis
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Messages
- 22
Two days ago I saw no way out of my own posioned head, I didn't want to die really, but I didn't see any other way, any other choices, or anyway to make the feeling of utter loneliness dissapear and dispair go away, even though taking my own life would mean just that!...... Perhaps I was surviving solely on fear. 'They' say it's the ultimate driving force....
But then I got a phone call, from a couple of old friends..... And I don't know if it was divine intervention, or what. But 'she' was back again, and with her all the feelings of love, care, safety and serenity....She was back, after all this time! I thought i'd never see her ever again, and that she would just be left as a light glowing somewhere in the deep dark shadows of my memories....A light too powerful for me to believe that I even actually ever knew this person, or that she even existed!
She saved me I swear. And I always believed that she was too good for this world, that she had to be some sort of angel! ....She is just too perfect , too kind, too beautiful to be in this cruel, chaotic, ugly world......
But she is......
And that is what woke me up. That is what made me realise, that there must be other people like her in this world....Even though she never felt the same way about me, it makes no difference .....Up until yesterday she was just a fading memory, of some amazing girl I fell for in the past....but, god,she is so much more than that!!! (These words will never do her justice).......
And at the same time, she never understood how much I admired her, she never gave me a second look really, fuck, we weren't ever even that close !!! So I don't get why she was so pleased to see me again! I don't get it! I really don't!.....It was like she knew.
But it just showed me that there are things definately worth living for.....And the more I think about it, the more I feel that there is some higher force at work here......She just comes back into my life, for one split second, and reminds me that there are good people in this world, people that do care.....And if there was a time in my life when her presence would be the most desperate needed, it was one night ago.......I cannot say what would've happened otherwise for sure, but I guess I'll never know for sure.....
But I am just convinced this is some sort of act of divine intervention! That some higher force has intervened in my life, and that it used her as symbol for me to reawaken, not give up, and ultimately save me! ..I do believe that my life has been saved, no matter how all of this sounds crazy....
But then I got a phone call, from a couple of old friends..... And I don't know if it was divine intervention, or what. But 'she' was back again, and with her all the feelings of love, care, safety and serenity....She was back, after all this time! I thought i'd never see her ever again, and that she would just be left as a light glowing somewhere in the deep dark shadows of my memories....A light too powerful for me to believe that I even actually ever knew this person, or that she even existed!
She saved me I swear. And I always believed that she was too good for this world, that she had to be some sort of angel! ....She is just too perfect , too kind, too beautiful to be in this cruel, chaotic, ugly world......
But she is......
And that is what woke me up. That is what made me realise, that there must be other people like her in this world....Even though she never felt the same way about me, it makes no difference .....Up until yesterday she was just a fading memory, of some amazing girl I fell for in the past....but, god,she is so much more than that!!! (These words will never do her justice).......
And at the same time, she never understood how much I admired her, she never gave me a second look really, fuck, we weren't ever even that close !!! So I don't get why she was so pleased to see me again! I don't get it! I really don't!.....It was like she knew.
But it just showed me that there are things definately worth living for.....And the more I think about it, the more I feel that there is some higher force at work here......She just comes back into my life, for one split second, and reminds me that there are good people in this world, people that do care.....And if there was a time in my life when her presence would be the most desperate needed, it was one night ago.......I cannot say what would've happened otherwise for sure, but I guess I'll never know for sure.....
But I am just convinced this is some sort of act of divine intervention! That some higher force has intervened in my life, and that it used her as symbol for me to reawaken, not give up, and ultimately save me! ..I do believe that my life has been saved, no matter how all of this sounds crazy....
