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Diversion tactics required

RLP

RLP

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 12, 2010
Messages
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Bryan Adams' pants
Sup EADD.

So, last night, things got a little wild, I was out with friends, got a little drunk and we all did some coke after. We met some dudes in the smoking area of the club and got offered pills. Well, you wouldn't refuse would you?

I don't remember much else after this.

Anyway. I've woken up this morning with a dude in my bed dressed in a garter and bra. One of my friends had decided to kip in the bath, the other had taken his sleeping bag outside. There are three people in my living room who I don't recognise in the slightest. There are 28 loaves of bread of various brands in my kitchen and 15 packs of smoked bacon. All of my chairs have been smashed and there is a hammer lying on the floor, which I presume is the guilty party. Someone has written "ANAL" in a substance which looks and smells like shit on my white walls.

Anyway, to cut a long story short my parents are already on their way up from Exeter to stay over for the weekend and should be here by noon.

Advice?
 
meet your parents as if you were just arriving home from being out all night/morning and open the door and say JESUS CHRIST, I'VE BEEN BURGLED
 
Get rid of all the randoms quick time say your Dad is a Copper that should Work . Best bit of advice i have tbh .

Then all i can manage is abandon house & make it look like A BREAK in .

Mental night i take it ?

Only other thing is just say you are like really ill , a bit weak that i know .

Good luck .
 
If they're anything like my parents they'd be completely shocked at such foul language so you'll need to brew up another turd and smear a 'C' in front of that 'anal'.
 
All of my chairs have been smashed and there is a hammer lying on the floor, which I presume is the guilty party
Click to expand...

Don't you just hate those type hammers the ones that go mental n smash up your stuff . Much prefer the standard ones
 
Ceres said:
meet your parents as if you were just arriving home from being out all night/morning and open the door and say JESUS CHRIST, I'VE BEEN BURGLED
Click to expand...

thats almost perfect. The flaw is they may want or nag you about calling the fuzz.
if you can get rid of the randoms and get cleaning....when they arrive say you were burgled but got home a few hours [ hide TV, pc etc etc ] but the police have already been or been called [ not sure what the procedure is tbh - dont think they bother with trying to get finger prints or whatever so not sure how believable you cleaning stuff would be ]

ps - i had a similar experience of having shit smeared on my walls....some people ay ? utterly depraved
 
It doesn't have to be a Burglary just a Break in by some depraved Animals . You know thge ones your rents have probably read about in the Mail .

Makes it easier , a burglary raises to many questions . Insurance , Belongings going missing etc .

A straight depraved break in by Feral Kids sounds much better .

Ring em when you know what you are doing so they are prepared .
& like i said tell the Randoms your Dad is a Mental Copper who hates drugs that should fuk them off .
 
^ do you mind ??

penny is my future wife
she is perfection personified
i want her to tie me up and shit on my chest

you leave her out of this please

ps that wasnt aimed at the box above, but the box above that
 
Work with what you have

Make new furniture out of bread


imgresgv.jpg


Clean the shit of the walls with a pair of jeans and put in washer (to explain the smell) make picutre out of the bacon to hide the skid marks on the wall

18436557.jpg
 
Would make a great report over on PR - Unknown logo, felt come up in 30 mins - the comedown was quick, following day ..... :D
 
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