Dissociatives Dissociatives make me normal. What the fuck?

[dopamimetic]

I have a history of mental illness and bad coincidences, my mother has schizophrenia and isolated me during my childhood, I had never contact to other family members and was bullied in school. At the age of 17 I learned about DXM and dosed out of curiosity. The magic hit hard, it was otherworldish, euphoric and bizarre. But something clicked, and hasn't let go ever since - more than 20 years later. I had a hard time learning, in and out of psych wards and legal repercussions due to misbehaviour, but the essence is that dissociatives, done right, make me normal. In this detached state I am able to think straight without being pushed around by emotions. Others confirmed me this, indirectly, in phases where I had a steady disso dosing I was more social and open. Just cause this isn't prescribed and I have always been fully on my own with bad circumstances and the need to hide, I tried to convince myself that it was all an illusion and I needed to be sober etc... but the world crashed over and over again. Now I am on a steady dose of ~175mg DXM a day and able to function, but need to hide from my girlfriend who's the only person I have left. She doesn't understand and thinks drugs are just bad all that prohibition bullshit.

Now there are papers associating borderline disorder and other conditions like autism with disrupted NMDA transmission. This is fucking true, and a shame that there isn't more research - ketamine as an antidepressant is an achievement as is Auvelity (DXM for depression) but the benefits of continued NMDA antagonism are mostly lost in the collateral damage of the war on drugs.

Anybody can relate to this? I think dissociatives have a vast untapped potential for healing for a minority like myself. I tried many drugs and most of them were interesting but not magic like dissociatives. Such a shame that these beautiful molecules will vanish in the void of the war on drugs. I am incredibly thankful for DXM and it's easy availability but it's also a dirty disso, I'd prefer an arylcylcohexylamine.

 

[dopamimetic]

its normal, many people feel normal on dissociatives

I think for most it's a weird experience, like being in a video game. I get that too and I love it, it feels very natural to me. Dissociatives have a bad reputation because some people freaked out on PCP... I would love to biosample PCP but I can't find it. Only 3-MeO-PCP and 3-MeO-PCE, both nice drugs. I miss them.

 

[placebonaut]

what is normal?

I have some great clarity of thought on ketamine, and can even remember it if I don't overdue it and try to write shit down.

trick is trying to keep the dose low so I'm productive and not figuring out how to build a space ship to populate the universe.

A worry though is making this altered state the normal, neuro adaptation can skew things, and a baseline history may be masking underlying issues.

there's some good work on ketamine coming out thought mainly on PTSD, depression etc but I could see potential in other areas, hope it gets some funding